עַצְמוּת / עַזּוּת פָּנִים (Self-Adulation/Arrogance - Self-Praise): A Disease of the Heart and Mind

עַצְמוּת (Atzmut), which can be translated as self-adulation, narcissism, or arrogance, is a state where an individual feels excessive and unwarranted satisfaction with their abilities, knowledge, virtues, or achievements. This feeling prevents them from seeing their flaws and, consequently, hinders their growth and progress. עַזּוּת פָּנִים (Azzut Panim), meaning "brazenness" or "impudence," often stems from self-adulation; that is, the individual is so pleased with themselves that they shamelessly engage in self-praise or impose their opinions without regard for others.

Self-adulation and arrogance are considered main subcategories of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - haughtiness/pride). The subtle difference is that pride generally refers to a feeling of superiority over others, while arrogance and self-adulation are more about an individual's satisfaction with themselves and their inability to see their own shortcomings. However, both stem from a fundamental problem: ignoring the true source of all blessings (HaShem) and focusing on oneself as the "source" of abilities and achievements.

The roots of this trait lie in lack of knowledge of HaShem (חוסר הכרת ה') and lack of self-knowledge (חוסר הכרת עצמי), fear of failure (פחד מכישלון) (which causes one to present themselves as flawless), and a need for validation (צורך באישור). An arrogant person, due to excessive self-satisfaction, misses opportunities for learning and growth. HaShem strongly detests this trait, considering it a type of "עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה" (Avodah Zarah - idolatry); because the individual places themselves in HaShem's stead.

Why is עַצְמוּת / עַזּוּת פָּנִים Problematic?

1. Separation from HaShem and self-sufficiency: An arrogant person sees themselves as independent of HaShem and His help, which is the biggest obstacle to connecting with the Divine.
2. מזיק למאמצי התשובה (Maziq Le'Ma'amatzei Ha'Teshuvah - Harm to Repentance Efforts): An arrogant and self-adulating person does not see their flaws and never feels the need to repent or change their behavior. This is a major impediment to spiritual growth.
3. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): HaShem is the source of everything. When a person considers themselves the source, they disrespect HaShem's name.
4. Attracting Divine Punishment: HaShem strongly deals with those who are arrogant and self-adulating.
5. Destruction of Human Relationships: No one likes to associate with an arrogant and conceited person. This trait leads to isolation, conflict, and disrespect.
6. Obstacle to Growth and Learning: An arrogant person cannot learn from others or seek to improve themselves, because they believe they know everything or are already at their best.
7. Root of Many Other Sins: Arrogance can lead to pride, self-praise, unwillingness to accept criticism, and even gossip (to magnify oneself and diminish others).

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 8:14: "וְרָם לְבָבֶךָ וְשָׁכַחְתָּ אֶת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ הַמּוֹצִיאֲךָ מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם מִבֵּית עֲבָדִים׃" ("Ve'ram levavecha ve'shakachta et HaShem Elokecha ha'motzi'acha me'eretz Mitzrayim mi'beit avadim.") - "And your heart becomes proud and you forget HaShem, your G-d, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage." This verse directly refers to forgetting the true source of blessings, which is the root of self-adulation.
  • Children of Israel in the Desert: The Torah repeatedly mentions the rebelliousness and disobedience of the Children of Israel, often stemming from self-adulation and lack of trust in HaShem. They thought they could handle problems themselves or did not need HaShem's guidance.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im and Ketuvim):

  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 26:12: "רָאִיתָ אִישׁ חָכָם בְּעֵינָיו תִּקְוָה לִכְסִיל מִמֶּנּוּ׃" ("Ra'ita ish chakham be'einav tikvah li'chesil mimennu.") - "Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him." This verse clearly points to the danger of self-adulation (thinking one is wise), which is even worse than foolishness, because it prevents learning.
  • משלי 27:2: "יְהַלֶּלְךָ זָר וְלֹא פִיךָ נָכְרִי וְאַל שְׂפָתֶיךָ׃" ("Yehalelcha zar ve'lo ficha nochri ve'al sfatecha.") - "Let a stranger praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips." This verse directly prohibits self-praise (stemming from self-adulation).
  • Nebuchadnezzar in דניאל (Daniel) 4: Nebuchadnezzar, due to self-adulation and pride, attributed his position to himself and was punished by HaShem. He was forced to live like animals to learn humility and understand that sovereignty belongs to HaShem.
  • Hezekiah in ישעיהו (Isaiah) 39: Hezekiah was a good king, but when the Babylonian envoys arrived, out of self-adulation he showed them all his treasures and armory, which led to Isaiah's prophecy about the exile.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:4: "הֱוֵי מְאֹד מְאֹד שְׁפַל רוּחַ שֶׁתִּקְוַת אֱנוֹשׁ רִמָּה׃" ("Hevei me'od me'od shefal ru'ach she'tikvat enosh rimmah.") - "Be exceedingly, exceedingly humble, for the hope of humankind is [but] a worm." This Mishnah is a powerful lesson against self-adulation; a reminder of human mortality and ultimate insignificance.
  • פרקי אבות 2:4: "אל תהי רשע בפני עצמך." (Do not be wicked in your own eyes.) This indicates that even if we think we are good, we should not be so self-satisfied that we stop learning and progressing.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (Anyone who has an arrogant spirit is as if they worship idols). Since self-adulation is rooted in pride, this ruling applies to it as well.
  • בבלי סוטה 4b: "כל מי שיש בו גאוה, ה' אומר: אני והוא לא יכולים לדור כאחד" (Anyone who has pride, HaShem says: I and he cannot dwell together).
  • Regarding "עזות פנים" (Azzut Panim): The Talmud refers to "Azzut Panim" as a very negative trait and considers it a sign of destruction and impiety. (Bavli Sanhedrin 29a).

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers arrogance and pride among the worst traits and urges individuals to strive for humility and avoid any self-praise and self-aggrandizement.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 2:3: Emphasizes the importance of humility in worship and all aspects of life, which is in contrast to self-adulation.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): רמח"ל (Ramchal), in the chapter on ענווה (Anavah - Humility), extensively discusses arrogance and self-adulation, describing it as a spiritual affliction that prevents true growth and repentance. He emphasizes that an arrogant person, even if they err, will not admit it.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הבטחון" (Gate of Trust) and "שער הכנות" (Gate of Sincerity), believes that purity of intention in actions and absolute trust in HaShem are the best antidotes to self-adulation. If one's actions are solely for the sake of HaShem, there is no need for self-praise or self-satisfaction.
  • שמירת הלשון (Shmirat HaLashon - Guarding the Tongue): The Chafetz Chaim repeatedly warns that self-praise (stemming from arrogance) can lead to "לשון הרע" (lashon hara - evil speech) and "רכילות" (rechilut - gossip), as one diminishes others to elevate themselves.

Common Examples of עַצְמוּת / עַזּוּת פָּנִים (Self-Adulation/Arrogance):

• In Knowledge and Education:
  • An individual who, due to their knowledge or degree, is unwilling to learn from others and considers themselves self-sufficient in further study.
  • A student who, despite making mistakes, refuses to admit them and constantly believes they are in the right.
  • A scholar who, due to their expertise, mockingly dismisses the opinions of others and believes they are always correct.
• In Spiritual Matters and מצוות (Mitzvot):
  • An individual who, due to performing many Mitzvot, considers themselves superior to others and speaks of their piety.
  • Someone who thinks their acts of worship are so perfect that they need no further effort or repentance.
  • A "רב" (rabbi) who, due to their position, refrains from listening to critiques or constructive feedback from their students.
• In Daily Life and Relationships:
  • A person who never backs down in arguments, even when wrong, because they "can't face it" or "see retreat as weakness."
  • An individual who constantly tries to show off their abilities and successes to others through exaggerated storytelling.
  • Refusing to take responsibility for one's mistakes and always blaming others.
  • Brazenness in dealing with others, such as interrupting them or publicly demeaning their opinions.

Ways to Overcome עַצְמוּת / עַזּוּת פָּנִים (Self-Adulation/Arrogance):

Overcoming this trait requires serious effort on the path of עֲנָוָה (humility) and הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and Its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that self-adulation and arrogance are displeasing to HaShem and can hinder connection with HaShem and spiritual growth.
   • Reflecting on the Harm to Your Soul: Think about how this trait deprives you of truth, learning, and healthy relationships.
   • Awareness of Social Consequences: Understand how this trait causes others to distance themselves from you.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Always Feel HaShem's Presence: Remember that HaShem is always present and only He can truly judge reality.
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness and Your Own Nothingness: Reflect on HaShem's infinite greatness and that every talent and achievement is merely a gift from Him. This naturally eliminates pride and self-adulation. Daily think: "מה אני, ומה חיי?" (What am I, and what is my life?).
   • Accept Your Imperfections: Honestly acknowledge your flaws and limitations. This is the first step towards growth.
   • Gratitude (הכרת הטוב): Instead of considering yourself the source of successes, thank HaShem for everything you have achieved.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות - Tikkun HaMiddot):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה): Actively strive for humility:
     • Accept Criticism: Accept criticism with an open mind and heart. Use every opportunity to learn and improve.
     • Active Listening: Listen respectfully to others, even those who know less than you, and accept their opinions.
     • Apologize: When you make a mistake, apologize quickly and sincerely.
     • Avoid Self-Praise: Refrain from speaking about your achievements and abilities, especially unnecessarily. Let others speak of you.
     • Serve Others: Actively serve others and move beyond self-centeredness.
   • Purity of Intention (לשם שמים - L'Shem Shamayim): Make the ultimate goal of all your actions to serve HaShem and gain His favor, not to seek human admiration or self-satisfaction.
   • Practice Silence (שתיקה - Shtikah): Before speaking, pause and consider whether your words are necessary, true, and beneficial.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Guide): They can help you understand the roots of self-adulation and offer spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility and overcoming arrogance and self-adulation.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - Repentance): Sincere repentance involves deep regret for past self-adulation and self-praise, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Vidui), and striving to change the roots of this trait in your heart. This also includes apologizing and making amends (if you have harmed anyone due to pride).

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and with reliance on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of self-adulation and arrogance and live a life based on humility, continuous learning, genuine connection with HaShem and others, and Divine blessing, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Showmanship/Hypocrisy in Actions (Religious or Otherwise)

Alright, let's carefully examine the topic of "צְבִיעוּת (Tzvi'ut) / יוֹהֲרָה (Yoharah) / רַאֲוָה (Ra'avah) - Showmanship/Hypocrisy in Actions (Religious or Otherwise)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) in various Jewish sources. This trait, due to its direct connection with כַּוָּנָה (Kavanah - Intention), is one of the most sensitive and destructive ethical flaws in Jewish thought. Afterwards, we will also discuss ways to overcome it.

צְבִיעוּת / יוֹהֲרָה / רַאֲוָה (Hypocrisy/Showmanship): Emptying Action of its Content

צְבִיעוּת (Tzvi'ut - hypocrisy/duplicity), יוֹהֲרָה (Yoharah - showmanship/pretense), and רַאֲוָה (Ra'avah - display/ostentation) refer to a state where an individual performs their actions (whether religious, ethical, or even personal skills) not for a pure intention and service to HaShem or others, but to gain admiration, respect, or attention from people. This behavior stems from גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride) and כָּבוֹד (Kavod - ambition/need for respect). The hypocritical person focuses more on the " ظاهر" (external appearance) of the action than its "בاطن" (inner essence) and "נیت" (intention).

In Judaism, כַּוָּנָה (Kavanah - intention) is the heart and soul of every מצוה (Mitzvah - Divine commandment) and every good deed. An action performed without pure intention or with the intention of showmanship, even if it appears "good" externally, holds little value in the eyes of HaShem and can even be considered a sin. The Talmud states: "רחמנא לבא בעי" (Rachmana Libba Ba'i - The Merciful One [HaShem] desires the heart) (Bavli Sanhedrin 106b). This means that HaShem values intentions more than external actions themselves.

The roots of showmanship and hypocrisy lie in pride (Ga'avah), a strong need for social approval (צורך עז באישור חברתי), inner insecurity (חוסר ביטחון פנימי) (which is covered by external display), forgetfulness of HaShem's presence (שכחת נוכחות ה' ), and focusing on the eyes of people instead of HaShem. This trait not only harms the individual's soul but can also lead to חילול השם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of HaShem's Name), as it encourages people towards superficiality and superficial religiosity.

Why are צְבִיעוּת / יוֹהֲרָה / רַאֲוָה problematic?

1. Empties the action of spiritual value: An action performed with a hypocritical intention is stripped of its essence and true value, becoming merely a meaningless gesture.
2. Cuts off connection with HaShem: Hypocrisy destroys the pure intention of "לשם שמים" (for the sake of HaShem's Name) and prevents the individual from drawing closer to HaShem.
3. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): When religious acts, instead of reflecting holiness, become a stage for displaying pride, HaShem's Name is desecrated, and others may perceive religion as superficial and deceitful.
4. Invokes Divine punishment: HaShem intensely dislikes hypocrisy and punishes hypocrites.
5. Destroys the individual's character: Hypocrisy keeps the individual in a double life; one appearance for people and a different inner self. This leads to a lack of personal integrity and pangs of conscience.
6. Misleads others: Hypocrites can become a bad example for others, leading them towards superficial and shallow religiosity.
7. Root of many other sins: Hypocrisy can lead to lying, gossip, jealousy, and other ethical flaws.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 6:5: "וְאָהַבְתָּ אֵת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁךָ וּבְכָל מְאֹדֶךָ׃" ("Ve'ahavta et HaShem Elokecha be'chol levavcha u've'chol nafshecha u've'chol me'odecha.") - "And you shall love HaShem, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might." This verse emphasizes the necessity of sincerity and complete intention in one's relationship with HaShem, which stands in contrast to hypocrisy.
  • Story of קרבן קין (Cain's Offering) in בראשית (Bereishit - Genesis) 4: Although the Torah does not directly mention Cain's "intention," commentators (such as רש"י - Rashi) indicate that his offering was not with a pure intention, and HaShem did not accept it. This demonstrates the importance of intention.
  • Story of מַתָּן תּוֹרָה (Matan Torah - Giving of the Torah): בני ישראל (Bnei Yisrael - Children of Israel) showed their purity of intention and commitment by saying "נעשה ונשמע" (we will do and we will hear).

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im and Ketuvim):

  • ישעיהו (Yeshayahu - Isaiah) 29:13: "וַיֹּאמֶר אֲדֹנָי יַעַן כִּי נִגַּשׁ הָעָם הַזֶּה בְּפִיו וּבִשְׂפָתָיו כִּבְּדוּנִי וְלִבּוֹ רִחַק מִמֶּנִּי וַתְּהִי יִרְאָתָם אֹתִי מִצְוַת אֲנָשִׁים מְלֻמָּדָה׃" ("Va'yomer Adonai ya'an ki nigash ha'am ha'zeh be'fiv u'visfatav kibbeduni ve'libbo richak mimmenni va'tehi yiratam oti mitzvat anashim melummadah.") - "And the Lord said: Because this people approaches Me with their mouth and honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me, and their fear of Me is a commandment learned from men." This verse is one of the strongest rebukes against hypocrisy in worship.
  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 17:10: "אֲנִי יְהוָה חֹקֵר לֵב בֹּחֵן כְּלָיוֹת לָתֵת לְאִישׁ כְּדַרְכּוֹ כְּפְרִי מַעֲלָלָיו׃" ("Ani HaShem chokker lev bochen klayot latet le'ish ke'darko kifri ma'alalav.") - "I, HaShem, search the heart and test the mind, to give to each according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds." This verse emphasizes the importance of inner intentions (heart).
  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 62:5: "אַךְ לֵאלֹהִים דּוֹמִי נַפְשִׁי כִּי מִמֶּנּוּ תִּקְוָתִי׃" ("Ach Le'Elohim Domi Nafshi ki Mimennu Tikvati.") - "Only to God is my soul silent, for from Him is my hope." This demonstrates reliance on HaShem and no need for approval from people.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:16: "קִנְאָה וְתַאֲוָה וְכָבוֹד מוֹצִיאִין אֶת הָאָדָם מִן הָעוֹלָם׃" (Envy, lust, and ambition/need for respect (כָּבוֹד), take a person out of the world.) Ambition is the main root of hypocrisy.
  • פרקי אבות 4:5: "אל תהי כעבד המשמש את הרב על מנת לקבל פרס, אלא הוי כעבד המשמש את הרב שלא על מנת לקבל פרס." (Do not be like a servant who serves his master with the intention of receiving a reward, but be like a servant who serves his master without the intention of receiving a reward.) This Mishnah expresses the essence of pure intention "לשם שמים" and prohibits hypocrisy.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי ברכות (Bavli Brachot) 17a: "רחמנא לבא בעי" (The Merciful One [HaShem] desires the heart). This famous phrase emphasizes that pure intention is the basis of every action.
  • Many Talmudic stories refer to scholars and חסידים (Chassidim - pious individuals) who performed good deeds in secret to avoid showmanship and hypocrisy. This shows the importance of discretion in performing מצוות.
  • The Talmud emphasizes "מידת חסידות" (Midat Chassidut - the trait of piety), which is acting beyond the letter of the law and with complete sincerity, in contrast to hypocrisy.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam strongly condemns "כבוד" (ambition/need for respect) as one of the ethical flaws that leads a person to other sins. Hypocrisy is a direct product of this ambition.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 1:3: Emphasizes the importance of pure intention (כוונה) when performing מצוות and warns that without it, the action is valueless.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal, in the chapters on נקיות (Nekiyut - Cleanliness/Purity) and פרישות (P'rishut - Abstinence/Separation), thoroughly addresses hypocrisy and showmanship. He explains how this trait distances a person from HaShem and prevents the attainment of true perfection. He emphasizes that the primary intention should be only to gain HaShem's favor.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda comprehensively discusses this topic in "שער הכנות" (Gate of Sincerity). He emphasizes that actions performed for other than HaShem are worthless and can even be considered sins. He stresses the importance of "ייחוד הכוונה" (unification of intention) and "הסתרת המעשים" (concealing actions) to avoid hypocrisy.
  • שמירת הלשון (Shmirat HaLashon - Guarding the Tongue): The Chafetz Chaim repeatedly points out that speaking about one's own religious acts, even if the intention is not showmanship, can lead to it, and it is better to refrain from it.

Common Examples of צְבִיעוּת / יוֹהֲרָה / רַאֲוָה:

• In religious actions:
  • An individual who prays or performs תפילה (Tefillah - prayer) loudly and makes exaggerated movements, solely for others to see them as pious.
  • Making financial contributions to a synagogue or charity, but on the condition that their name is prominently displayed.
  • Highlighting one's Torah knowledge in a gathering, not for sharing, but for others' admiration.
  • Wearing specific religious attire or having an "extraordinarily religious" appearance to gain respect.
• In ethical and social actions:
  • Performing charitable acts or helping the needy, but only in the presence of others and with widespread publicity.
  • Displaying "kindness" or "empathy" in front of cameras or on social media, but behaving differently in private.
  • A person who overtly does extra work at their workplace for the manager to see, while not working in secret.
• In daily life:
  • Boasting about one's achievements or abilities in a group, with the intention of gaining admiration.
  • Displaying a luxurious lifestyle or extensive knowledge in conversations, simply to impress others.

Ways to Overcome צְבִיעוּת / יוֹהֲרָה / רַאֲוָה:

Overcoming hypocrisy and showmanship requires a continuous effort to redirect one's intention towards HaShem and to practice עֲנָוָה (humility) and הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude).

1. Understanding the depth of the sin and its consequences:
   • Halakhic and spiritual understanding: Deeply understand that hypocrisy empties an action of its value and prevents connection with HaShem.
   • Reflecting on the harm to one's soul: Consider how hypocrisy keeps you in a double life and deprives you of inner peace and honesty.
   • Awareness of social repercussions: Understand that if your hypocrisy is revealed, others' trust in you will be lost, and HaShem's Name will be profaned.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (fear of HaShem) and אֱמוּנָה (faith) and בִּיטָחוֹן (trust in HaShem):
   • Focus on HaShem's presence: Remember that HaShem is always present and knows your innermost intentions. It does not matter what people think; what matters is what HaShem knows.
   • Pure intention (לשם שמים): Perform every action (both religious and non-religious) with a pure intention to gain HaShem's favor and fulfill His will. Before every action, examine your intention.
   • Complete trust in HaShem: Know that true reward comes from HaShem, not from human praise. There is no need to show off your good deeds.
3. Cultivating positive character traits (תיקון המידות - Tikun HaMiddot):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Concealing good deeds (הסתרת המעשים): As much as possible, perform your good deeds and מצוות in secret and refrain from boasting and showing them to others.
     • Acting without expectation of reward: Remember the Mishnah in Pirkei Avot that advises serving without expecting reward.
     • Practicing silence (שתיקה): Refrain from speaking about your religious or good actions.
     • Accepting one's flaws: Instead of hiding flaws with hypocrisy, accept them and strive to correct them.
   • Sincerity (כנות): Be honest and truthful in all your actions.
   • Focus on "what I can do" not "what I need to be seen doing": Direct your energy towards improving yourself and helping others, not towards showing off.
4. Seeking support and guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (spiritual guide): They can help you identify the roots of hypocrisy and offer spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, sincerity, and overcoming hypocrisy.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - repentance): Sincere repentance includes deep regret for past hypocritical acts, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Vidui), and striving to change the roots of this trait in your heart. This involves making an effort to perform new good deeds with pure intention.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of showmanship and hypocrisy and live a life based on honesty, sincerity, humility, and a true connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Performing Actions for External Validation or Worldly Reward

We will meticulously examine the topic of "עֲשִׂיַּת מַעֲשִׂים לְשֵׁם קַבָּלַת פְּרָס מֵאֲחֵרִים אוֹ לְשֵׁם כָּבוֹד עוֹלָמִי (Asiyat Ma'asim Le'Shem Kabbalat Pras Me'Acherim O Le'Shem Kavod Olamit - Performing Actions for External Validation or Worldly Reward)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Arrogance/Pride) in various Jewish sources. This trait is closely linked to hypocrisy and ostentation, and it corrupts the essence of any righteous act. We will then discuss ways to overcome it.

עֲשִׂיַּת מַעֲשִׂים לְשֵׁם קַבָּלַת פְּרָס / כָּבוֹד עוֹלָמִי (Performing Actions for External Validation or Worldly Reward): Misguided Intent

Performing actions (religious, ethical, social, or even professional) to gain approval from others, to earn praise, respect, social standing, or to receive material and worldly rewards, instead of with pure intention of "לשם שמים" (Lishmah - for the sake of HaShem's Name) or to serve others, is one of the destructive and highly condemned aspects of pride and ambition (כָּבוֹד). This behavior strips the action of its inner meaning and turns it into a tool for satisfying an arrogant ego.

In Judaism, כַּוָּנָה (Kavanah - intention) is the primary and fundamental element of every righteous act and every מצוה (Mitzvah - Divine commandment). Without proper intention, even the best actions may lack spiritual value or even become sinful. This concept is rooted in the principle that HaShem looks at the human heart and intention. An action done "לשמה" (for the sake of HaShem's Name) means that the sole purpose of the individual in performing that action is to fulfill HaShem's will and gain His favor, without any expectation of worldly reward or human praise. In contrast, performing an action "שלא לשמה" (not for the sake of HaShem's Name) involves doing it for worldly reward or to gain people's approval.

The roots of this trait lie in forgetting HaShem (הֶסַּח הַדַּעַת מֵהַשֵּׁם), lack of understanding true reward (חוסר הבנת השכר האמיתי) (which is HaShem's reward), an intense need for affirmation and praise (צורך עז באישור ושבח), fear of human judgment (פחד משיפוט בני אדם), and assuming that these rewards come from humans and not HaShem. This behavior not only leads to distancing oneself from HaShem but can also result in חילול השם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of HaShem's Name), as it encourages people to engage in superficiality and hypocrisy in their religiosity.

Why is Performing Actions for External Validation or Worldly Reward Problematic?

1. Empties the action of spiritual value: An action performed for non-Divine purposes is stripped of its sacred essence and remains merely a worthless external display.
2. Severing connection with HaShem: The intention of "שלא לשמה" prevents the individual from drawing closer to HaShem, as the focus is not on HaShem.
3. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): When religious or ethical acts become tools for personal gain or fame, HaShem's Name is desecrated, and others may perceive religion as superficial and deceitful.
4. Invokes Divine Punishment: HaShem strongly dislikes this type of impure intention and punishes those who act with such motivations.
5. Instability and Disappointment: Worldly rewards are fleeting, and human praise is transient. An individual who bases their actions on these will ultimately face disappointment and despair.
6. Corrosion of personal character: This behavior leads to inner dishonesty and traps the individual in a cycle of display and concealment.
7. Root of many other sins: It can lead to envy, lying, gossip, and insincerity.

Relevant Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 6:5: "וְאָהַבְתָּ אֵת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁךָ וּבְכָל מְאֹדֶךָ׃" ("Ve'ahavta et HaShem Elokecha be'chol levavcha u've'chol nafshecha u've'chol me'odecha.") - "And you shall love HaShem, your G-d, with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might." This verse emphasizes the necessity of sincerity and complete intention (לשם שמים) in all actions, which is in contrast to performing actions for worldly reward.
  • דברים 10:12: "וְעַתָּה יִשְׂרָאֵל מָה יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ שֹׁאֵל מִמְּךָ כִּי אִם לְיִרְאָה אֶת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ לָלֶכֶת בְּכָל דְּרָכָיו וּלְאַהֲבָה אֹתוֹ וְלַעֲבֹד אֶת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבַבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁךָ׃" ("Ve'attah Yisrael mah HaShem Elokecha sho'el mimmecha ki im le'yirah et HaShem Elokecha lalechet be'chol derachav u'le'ahavah oto ve'la'avod et HaShem Elokecha be'chol levavcha u've'chol nafshecha.") - "And now, Israel, what does HaShem, your G-d, ask of you, but to fear HaShem, your G-d, to walk in all His ways, and to love Him, and to serve HaShem, your G-d, with all your heart and with all your soul?" Emphasis on worship with a pure heart and intention.
  • Story of מַתָּן מַן (Giving of Manna) in שמות 16 (Exodus 16): HaShem commanded the Israelites to gather only enough manna for their daily needs, to teach them to trust in Him and not to be greedy for collecting more (for security or display).

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Prophets and Writings):

  • ישעיהו (Yeshayahu - Isaiah) 29:13: "וַיֹּאמֶר אֲדֹנָי יַעַן כִּי נִגַּשׁ הָעָם הַזֶּה בְּפִיו וּבִשְׂפָתָיו כִּבְּדוּנִי וְלִבּוֹ רִחַק מִמֶּנִּי וַתְּהִי יִרְאָתָם אֹתִי מִצְוַת אֲנָשִׁים מְלֻמָּדָה׃" (As previously mentioned) - This verse directly refers to worship with the mouth and lips, but without the heart (to gain others' approval).
  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 17:10: "אֲנִי יְהוָה חֹקֵר לֵב בֹּחֵן כְּלָיוֹת לָתֵת לְאִישׁ כְּדַרְכּוֹ כְּפְרִי מַעֲלָלָיו׃" (As previously mentioned) - HaShem knows intentions and rewards accordingly.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 20:6: "רָב אָדָם יִקְרָא אִישׁ חַסְדּוֹ וְאִישׁ אֱמוּנִים מִי יִמְצָא׃" ("Rav adam yikra ish chasdo ve'ish emunim mi yimtza.") - "Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, but a truly trustworthy man, who can find?" This verse points to the difference between those who are kind for show and those who are truly faithful to HaShem.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:5: "אל תהי כעבד המשמש את הרב על מנת לקבל פרס, אלא הוי כעבד המשמש את הרב שלא על מנת לקבל פרס, ויהי מורא שמים עליכם." (Do not be like servants who serve their master for the sake of receiving a reward, but be like servants who serve their master not for the sake of receiving a reward, and let the fear of Heaven be upon you.) This Mishnah expresses the essence of "לשם שמים" and explicitly forbids performing actions for reward.
  • פרקי אבות 2:16: "קנאה ותאוה וכבוד מוציאין את האדם מן העולם." (Envy, lust, and ambition/desire for honor remove a person from the world.) "כבוד" here includes the desire for praise and worldly reward.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי ברכות (Bavli Brachot) 17a: "רחמנא לבא בעי" (The Merciful One [HaShem] desires the heart). Emphasis on pure intention.
  • בבלי תענית (Bavli Ta'anit) 23a: The story of חוני המעגל (Honi the Circled) who was granted HaShem's mercy due to his pure intention. The Talmud repeatedly emphasizes the importance of "לשם שמים" and "לא לשם שמים" in actions, especially in Torah study. One who studies Torah "לא לשם שמים" (e.g., to gain status or fame) is condemned.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the concept of "צניעות" (Tzniut - modesty/concealment) in religious actions to avoid ostentation and seeking attention from others.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות יסודי התורה (Hilchot Yesodei HaTorah - Laws of the Foundations of the Torah) 2:2: Rambam emphasizes that the ultimate goal of performing Mitzvot must be love for HaShem, not fear of punishment or hope for reward. This is the theoretical basis for the intention of "לשם שמים."
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 1:3: Refers to the importance of pure intention (כוונה) when performing Mitzvot and warns that without it, the action is worthless.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): רמח"ל (Ramchal) in the chapter on "נקיות" (Nekiyut - Cleanliness/Purity) and especially "הזהירות" (Hazehirut - Watchfulness/Carefulness) extensively discusses the danger of performing actions for other than HaShem. He emphasizes that every action must be performed solely with the aim of gaining HaShem's favor. He gives strong warnings against turning Mitzvot into "כלי לנגיעה" (a tool for personal gain).
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda (רבי בחיי אבן פקודה) comprehensively examines this topic in "שער הכנות" (Gate of Sincerity). He emphasizes that actions performed for other than HaShem are worthless and can even be considered sinful. He stresses the importance of "ייחוד הכוונה" (unification of intention) and explains how any non-Divine intention, even if small, contaminates the action.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar book specifically addresses the chapter on "הגאווה" (Pride) and "ההכנעה" (Humility) and considers hypocrisy and performing actions for others' approval as among the worst manifestations of pride.
  • "הקדמה לספר התניא" (Introduction to Sefer Tanya) - חסידות (Hassidut): In Hassidic teachings, it is emphasized that even if a person is unable to have complete "לשם שמים" intention, they should at least act for "יראת שמים" (fear of HaShem) or "אהבת ה'" (love of HaShem), not merely for reward or praise.

Common Examples of Performing Actions for External Validation or Worldly Reward:

• In religious actions:
  • Giving a large amount of charity in front of others to gain a reputation as "generous" or "pious."
  • Studying Torah or attending prayers with the aim of showing off one's knowledge to others, or to gain a religious position.
  • Traveling to Israel or performing pilgrimage solely to "show off" religiosity to family or friends.
  • Leading prayers or giving religious speeches with the aim of gaining praise rather than conveying a divine message.
• In non-religious / social actions:
  • Performing large charitable works and extensively publicizing them, solely to gain social or political standing.
  • Helping colleagues at work only so that the boss notices and gives a reward.
  • Displaying one's skills in a gathering solely for the sake of receiving praise and not for genuine help.
  • Engaging in social media activities with the primary goal of gaining "likes" and "comments" instead of the content's actual value.
• In personal relationships:
  • Doing things for a spouse or children solely to hear "thank you" or "you are so good," and not out of genuine love and affection.
  • Sacrificing oneself in a relationship, not out of altruism, but to gain approval and feel like a "good person."

Ways to Overcome עֲשִׂיַּת מַעֲשִׂים לְשֵׁם קַבָּלַת פְּרָס / כָּבוֹד עוֹלָמִי:

Overcoming this trait requires continuous effort to purify intention and practice כַּוָּנָה (pure intention) and עֲנָוָה (humility).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and Its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that an action without pure intention is worthless and can lead to Divine punishment.
   • Reflecting on the Harm to Your Soul: Consider how this trait deprives you of true joy, inner peace, and a deep connection with HaShem.
   • Awareness of the Instability of Worldly Rewards: Understand that human praise and material rewards are fleeting and worthless.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and כַּוָּנָה (Pure Intention):
   • Focus on HaShem's Presence: Remember that HaShem is always present and knows your innermost intentions. It doesn't matter what people think; what HaShem knows is what matters.
   • Pure Intention (לשם שמים): Perform every action (both religious and non-religious) with a pure intention to gain HaShem's favor and fulfill His will. Before any action, examine your intention.
   • Complete Trust in HaShem: Know that true and lasting reward comes only from HaShem. There is no need to show off your good deeds or expect rewards for them from people.
   • Pray for Sincerity: Pray to HaShem to gain pure intention and avoid hypocrisy.
3. Cultivating Positive Character Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Concealing Good Deeds (הסתרת המעשים): As much as possible, perform your good deeds and Mitzvot in secret and avoid boasting or displaying them to others.
     • Acting Without Expectation of Reward: Remember the Mishnah in Pirkei Avot 4:5 and serve without expecting reward.
     • Practicing Silence (שתיקה): Refrain from speaking about your religious or good deeds.
     • Accepting Flaws and Failures: Instead of hiding them, accept them and learn from them.
   • Sincerity (כנות): Be honest and truthful in all your actions and avoid any pretense.
   • Serving Others: Focus on genuinely helping others instead of showing off.
   • Changing Environment: If an environment leads you towards hypocrisy, try to change it or distance yourself from it.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you identify the roots of this trait and offer spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating pure intention, humility, and overcoming hypocrisy and ostentation.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - Repentance): Sincere repentance involves deep regret for actions performed with impure intention, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Vidui), and striving to change the roots of this trait in your heart. This includes making an effort to perform new good deeds with pure intention.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and with reliance on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of performing actions for external validation or worldly reward and lead a life based on sincerity, pure intention, humility, and a genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Boasting and Exaggeration About Oneself

Alright, let's carefully examine the topic of "הִתְפָּאֲרוּת וְהַגְזָמָה עַל עַצְמוֹ (Hitpa'arut VeHagzamah Al Atzmo - Boasting and Exaggeration About Oneself)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Arrogance/Pride) in various Jewish sources. This trait is highly condemned because it stems from self-deception and dishonesty, acting as a major obstacle on the path to humility and a genuine connection with HaShem and others. Afterwards, we will also discuss ways to overcome it.

הִתְפָּאֲרוּת וְהַגְזָמָה עַל עַצְמוֹ (Boasting and Exaggeration): A False Mask

Boasting and exaggeration about oneself means aggrandizing one's abilities, achievements, positive qualities, or even religious and ethical deeds. This behavior includes making false claims, half-truths, or exaggerating facts, with the ultimate goal of attracting admiration, respect, or envy from others. This trait has deep roots in גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - arrogance), יוֹהֲרָה (Yoharah - showmanship/vanity), and חוסר ביטחון עצמי (Choser Bitachon Atzmi - lack of self-confidence). The boastful individual builds their sense of self-worth on external validation and a fabricated image, rather than on reality.

In Judaism, אֱמֶת (Emet - truth/veracity) is one of HaShem's thirteen attributes and a fundamental pillar of the world (according to Pirkei Avot 1:18). Lying or exaggerating, whether about others or oneself, is a deviation from the path of truth. Boasting and exaggeration not only contradict truth but are also considered a form of חילול השם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of HaShem's name), as it portrays a religious person in the eyes of others as a liar and a hypocrite. Furthermore, this trait can lead to קנאה (Kin'ah - envy) and שנאת חינם (Sinat Chinam - baseless hatred) in the hearts of others.

The roots of this trait lie in a strong need for social validation (צורך עז באישור חברתי), fear of exposing flaws (פחד מחשיפת חסרונות), a belief that one's worth depends on "what others think" (אמונה שערך האדם תלוי ב"מה שאחרים חושבים"), and a lack of understanding of one's true value in HaShem's eyes (חוסר הבנת הערך האמיתי בעיני ה').

Why is הִתְפָּאֲרוּת וְהַגְזָמָה עַל עַצְמוֹ problematic?

1. Contradiction with אֱמֶת (Truth): Boasting is essentially a form of lying and a deviation from truth, which is a foundational value of Judaism.
2. Severing Connection with HaShem: HaShem is the "God of Truth." Boasting distances an individual from Him.
3. Damaging Human Relationships: People quickly detect boasting, and this behavior leads to mistrust, ridicule, and alienation.
4. Creating Envy and Hatred: When an individual boasts without reason, it can provoke envy in others.
5. Instability and Disappointment: Living based on a fabricated and false image is unstable and ultimately leads to disappointment and a sense of emptiness.
6. Hindrance to True Growth: Instead of working on actual self-improvement, the individual focuses solely on outward appearance.
7. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): Boasting by a religious person brings disrepute to the religion and its teachings.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 8:17-18: "וְאָמַרְתָּ בִּלְבָבֶךָ כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי עָשָׂה לִי אֶת הַחַיִל הַזֶּה׃ וְזָכַרְתָּ אֶת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי הוּא הַנֹּתֵן לְךָ כֹּחַ לַעֲשׂוֹת חָיִל לְמַעַן הָקִים אֶת בְּרִיתוֹ אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע לַאֲבֹתֶיךָ כַּיּוֹם הַזֶּה׃" ("Ve'amarta bilvavecha kochi ve'otzem yadi asah li et ha'chayil ha'zeh: Ve'zacharta et HaShem Elokecha ki hu ha'noten lecha ko'ach la'asot chayil le'ma'an hakim et berito asher nishba la'avoteicha ka'yom ha'zeh.") - "And you might say in your heart, 'My power and the strength of my hand have made me this wealth.' But you shall remember HaShem your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant that He swore to your fathers, as it is this day." This verse directly emphasizes the necessity of humility and not attributing success to oneself, which is the root of boasting.
  • בראשית (Bereishit - Genesis) 3:5 (Story of Eve and the Serpent): The serpent tells Eve: "וִהְיִיתֶם כֵּאלֹהִים יֹדְעֵי טוֹב וָרָע" ("And you shall be like God, knowing good and evil"). This false promise to aggrandize oneself and become like HaShem is the root of pride and grand claims.
  • The Story of the Tower of Babel (בראשית 11): The builders of the tower, with pride and boasting, tried to reach the heavens and make a name for themselves. HaShem stopped this act.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im u'Ketuvim - Prophets and Writings):

  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 9:22-23: "כֹּה אָמַר יְהוָה אַל יִתְהַלֵּל חָכָם בְּחָכְמָתוֹ וְאַל יִתְהַלֵּל גִּבּוֹר בִּגְבוּרָתוֹ אַל יִתְהַלֵּל עָשִׁיר בְּעָשְׁרוֹ׃ כִּי אִם בְּזֹאת יִתְהַלֵּל הַמִּתְהַלֵּל הַשְׂכֵּל וְיָדֹעַ אוֹתִי כִּי אֲנִי יְהוָה2 עֹשֶׂה חֶסֶד מִשְׁפָּט וּצְדָקָה בָּאָרֶץ כִּי בְאֵלֶּה חָפַצְתִּי נְאֻם3 יְהוָה׃" ("Koh amar HaShem: Al yithallel chakham be'chachmato ve'al yithallel gibbor bi'gevurato al yithallel ashir be'oshro: Ki im be'zot yithallel ha'mithallel haskel ve'yado'a oti ki ani HaShem oseh chesed mishpat u'tzedakah ba'aretz ki be'elleh chafatzti neum HaShem.") - "Thus says HaShem: Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom, nor let the mighty man boast of his might, nor let the rich man boast of his riches. But let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am HaShem, who practices loving-kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight, declares HaShem." This verse is one of the strongest condemnations against boasting and pride in worldly abilities, and it defines true boasting as knowing HaShem.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 27:2: "יְהַלֶּלְךָ זָר וְלֹא פִיךָ נָכְרִי וְאַל שְׂפָתֶיךָ׃" ("Yehallelcha zar ve'lo ficha nochri ve'al sfateicha.") - "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips." This verse directly states that a person should not praise themselves but should allow others to praise them.
  • משלי 16:5: "תּוֹעֲבַת יְהוָה כָּל גְּבַהּ לֵב יָד לְיָד לֹא יִנָּקֶה׃" ("To'avat HaShem kol gevah lev yad le'yad lo yinakeh.") - "Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to HaShem; hand in hand [they unite], they will not go unpunished." Boasting is a result of an arrogant heart.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.) Boasting stems from considering oneself wise and superior.
  • פרקי אבות 4:7: "שבעה דברים בגרם. שבעה דברים בגולם: חכם אינו מדבר בפני מי שגדול ממנו בחכמה ובמניין, ואינו נכנס לתוך דברי חברו... ושבעה דברים בגולם: מקפץ בראש, ומדבר בפני מי שגדול ממנו בחכמה ובמניין, ופורץ לתוך דברי חברו, ומשיב על מה שלא שאל..." (Seven things are in a wise man, and seven things are in an uncultured man: A wise man does not speak before one who is greater than him in wisdom and in number [age/rank], and he does not break into the words of his fellow... And seven things are in an uncultured man: he jumps to the head, and he speaks before one who is greater than him in wisdom and in number, and he breaks into the words of his fellow, and he answers that which he was not asked...) This Mishnah indirectly refers to boasting and self-display.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (Anyone who has an arrogant spirit is as if they are worshiping idolatry). Boasting is a manifestation of pride and self-worship.
  • בבלי תענית (Bavli Ta'anit) 23a: The Talmud narrates many stories of חכמים (sages) and צדיקים (righteous individuals) who shunned boasting and self-display, even hiding their good deeds. This demonstrates the value of humility and avoiding exaggeration.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "צניעות" (Tzniut - humility/modesty) in religious and ethical deeds to prevent showmanship and boasting.

• הלכה (Halakha - Jewish Law):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Character Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride a "מידה רעה מאוד" (very bad trait) and rules that a person must distance themselves from it greatly and move towards humility. Boasting and exaggeration are among the most obvious signs of pride.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 1:3: Emphasizes the importance of pure intention (כוונה) when performing מצוות (commandments). Boasting destroys pure intention and renders the act worthless.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): The Ramchal (רמח"ל) in the chapters on "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility) and "הזהירות" (Hazehirut - Vigilance/Caution) discusses pride, self-conceit, and boasting in detail. He emphasizes that one must constantly engage in self-examination and acknowledge one's flaws to avoid this trait. He considers boasting a sign of "שקר העצמי" (self-falsehood).
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot - Duties of the Heart): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda (רבי בחיי אבן פקודה) in "שער הכניעה" (Gate of Humility) explains that a person should consider themselves flawed and dependent before HaShem and others. This perspective eliminates the inclination to boast and exaggerate.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar text specifically addresses the chapter on "הגאווה" (Pride) and considers boasting one of the most dangerous manifestations of pride, as it is rooted in falsehood.
  • חפץ חיים (Chafetz Chaim) in "שמירת הלשון" (Shmirat HaLashon - Guarding the Tongue): He emphasizes the sin of לָשׁוֹן הָרַע (Lashon Hara - gossip) and רְכִילוּת (Rechilus - tale-bearing). Boasting, although not directly about others, is a form of falsehood that can lead to envy and tale-bearing among listeners.

Common Examples of הִתְפָּאֲרוּת וְהַגְזָמָה עַל עַצְמוֹ:

• In daily conversations:
  • Someone who constantly exaggerates about their financial, academic, or social successes and tells unbelievable stories.
  • A person who boasts about their knowledge in a specific field (e.g., Torah or a professional expertise), while their information is superficial.
  • Someone who exaggerates about their connections with important or influential people.
• In the workplace:
  • An employee who constantly overstates their contribution to a project in meetings, while others did more work.
  • Someone who provides a resume filled with exaggerations and inaccurate information to get a promotion.
• In religious matters:
  • A person who exaggerates about the amount of Torah they study, the מצוות (commandments) they perform, or their charitable acts (e.g., how much charity they gave) to appear more pious.
  • A religious leader who presents their knowledge as greater than it truly is to gain respect and authority.
• On social media:
  • Posts that portray one's life as unrealistically luxurious, flawless, or full of achievements, simply to attract attention and "likes."

Ways to Overcome הִתְפָּאֲרוּת וְהַגְזָמָה עַל עַצְמוֹ:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (humility), אֱמֶת (truthfulness), and הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude to HaShem).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that boasting is a form of lying and a deviation from truth, which HaShem condemns.
   • Reflecting on Harm to Relationships: Consider how this trait destroys the trust of others and isolates you.
   • Awareness of Internal Consequences: Understand that living in an unrealistic world of exaggeration ultimately leads to emptiness and inner dissatisfaction.
   • Understanding the "Damage" to HaShem: Boasting disrespects HaShem's name.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness: Reflect on HaShem's boundless greatness and the truth that all your abilities and successes come from Him.
   • Accepting Human Limitations: Accept the truth that you are not perfect and need HaShem's help and guidance.
   • Understanding Your True Worth: Your worth is not in what others think, but in HaShem's eyes. He loves you unconditionally.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Instead of boasting, be grateful for the blessings, abilities, and opportunities HaShem has given you.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות - Tikun HaMiddot):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה): This is the most important antidote:
     • More Silence and More Listening: Speak less and listen more. Let others speak and pay attention to them.
     • Speaking Only the Truth: Always tell the truth and avoid any exaggeration or aggrandizement.
     • Accepting Imperfections: Accept that you, like every human, have flaws. There is no need to hide them.
     • Focusing on Others: Instead of talking about yourself, pay attention to the interests and experiences of others.
     • Performing Good Deeds in Secrecy: As much as possible, keep your מצוות and good deeds private to avoid ostentatious intentions and boasting.
     • Self-Examination (חשבון נפש - Cheshbon Nefesh): Regularly examine your intentions and words, and identify any tendency to boast.
   • Honesty (כנות): Be honest in all your interactions with yourself and others.
   • Gratitude (הכרת הטוב): Attribute every success to HaShem and be grateful to Him for it.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting with a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you understand the roots of this trait and offer spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, self-honesty, and overcoming pride and boasting.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - Repentance): Sincere repentance includes deep regret for past boasting, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Vidui), and striving to change this trait in your heart. This also includes a commitment to speaking the truth and avoiding exaggeration in the future.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "boasting and exaggeration about oneself" and lead a life based on humility, honesty, truthfulness, and a genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, both materially and spiritually.

Boasting

Alright, let's carefully examine the topic of "הִתְרַבְרְבוּת / יֹהֲרָה (Hitrabrevut / Yoharah - Boasting/Showmanship)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) in various Jewish sources. Boasting is the external and overt manifestation of pride, aimed at attracting admiration and self-gratification. Afterwards, we will also discuss ways to overcome it.

הִתְרַבְרְבוּת / יֹהֲרָה (Boasting/Showmanship): A Display of Self-Centeredness

Boasting or showmanship refers to the deliberate and overt display of one's possessions, achievements, abilities, social status, beauty, or even piety, with the aim of gaining admiration, envy, or a sense of superiority over others. This behavior stems directly from גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride) and עַצְמוּת (Atzmut - self-centeredness). The boastful individual seeks their worth in the eyes of others and needs constant validation to satisfy their arrogant ego.

In Judaism, צְנִיעוּת (Tzniut - modesty/humility), especially regarding good deeds and personal abilities, is highly praised. Boasting stands in complete contrast to this fundamental value. Furthermore, this trait can lead to לָשׁוֹן הָרַע (Lashon HaRa - slander/gossip) (concerning those who disregard or criticize the boaster), קִנְאָה (Kin'ah - envy) from others, and שִׂנְאַת חִנָּם (Sinat Chinam - baseless hatred). Most importantly, boasting, if manifested in religious acts, can lead to חִלּוּל הַשֵּׁם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of HaShem's Name), as it portrays the religious person as hypocritical and pretentious.

The roots of this trait lie in a strong need for external validation (צורך עז באישור חיצוני), envy of others (קנאה באחרים) (the individual wants to appear better than others), inner insecurity (חוסר ביטחון פנימי) (covering weaknesses by feigning strength and perfection), and neglect of HaShem (הֶסֵּחַ הַדַּעַת מֵהַשֵּׁם) (when the focus is not on HaShem, it shifts towards oneself and people's opinions).

Why is הִתְרַבְרְבוּת / יֹהֲרָה problematic?

1. Contradiction with Humility (ענווה): Boasting directly contradicts the fundamental value of humility that HaShem desires from humanity.
2. Disconnection from HaShem: When an individual boasts and considers themselves the source of all things, they disregard HaShem's place.
3. Destruction of Human Relationships: Boasting can be irritating and offensive, leading to alienation from others, envy, and resentment.
4. Rooted in Lies and Illusion: Boasting is often based on exaggeration or even lies, trapping the individual in an unrealistic world of self-importance.
5. Barrier to True Growth: Instead of working on genuine self-improvement, the individual focuses solely on outward display, losing the opportunity for inner growth.
6. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): Boasting in religious acts can particularly desecrate HaShem's Name.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 8:17-18: "וְאָמַרְתָּ בִּלְבָבֶךָ כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי עָשָׂה לִי אֶת הַחַיִל הַזֶּה׃ וְזָכַרְתָּ אֶת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי הוּא הַנֹּתֵן לְךָ כֹּחַ לַעֲשׂוֹת חָיִל לְמַעַן הָקִים אֶת בְּרִיתוֹ אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע לַאֲבֹתֶיךָ כַּיּוֹם הַזֶּה׃" (As previously mentioned) - This verse directly refers to and condemns the failure to attribute success to oneself and boasting.
  • סיפור מגדל בבל (Story of the Tower of Babel in בראשית 11): The builders of the tower boasted and showed off with the aim of "וְנַעֲשֶׂה לָּנוּ שֵׁם" ("and let us make a name for ourselves"). HaShem punished this pride.
  • דברים 17:20 (Regarding the King): "לְבִלְתִּי רוּם לְבָבוֹ מֵאֶחָיו" ("that his heart not be haughty above his brethren"). This commandment to the king indicates avoidance of boasting and self-exaltation.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im and Ketuvim):

  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 9:22-23: "כֹּה אָמַר יְהוָה אַל יִתְהַלֵּל חָכָם בְּחָכְמָתוֹ וְאַל יִתְהַלֵּל גִּבּוֹר בִּגְבוּרָתוֹ אַל יִתְהַלֵּל עָשִׁיר בְּעָשְׁרוֹ׃ כִּי אִם בְּזֹאת יִתְהַלֵּל הַמִּתְהַלֵּל הַשְׂכֵּל וְיָדֹעַ אוֹתִי..." (As previously mentioned) - This verse is one of the strongest condemnations against boasting about worldly abilities.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 27:2: "יְהַלֶּלְךָ זָר וְלֹא פִיךָ נָכְרִי וְאַל שְׂפָתֶיךָ׃" (As previously mentioned) - Emphasizes letting others praise you, not yourself.
  • משלי 16:18: "לִפְנֵי שֶׁבֶר גָּאוֹן וְלִפְנֵי כִשָּׁלוֹן גֹּבַהּ רוּחַ׃" ("Lifnei shever ga'on ve'lifnei kishalon govah ruach.") - "Before destruction comes pride, and before a fall, a haughty spirit." Boasting often precedes downfall.
  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 75:5-6: "אַל תָּרִימוּ לַמָּרוֹם קַרְנְכֶם תְּדַבְּרוּ בְצַוָּאר עָתָק׃ כִּי לֹא מִמּוֹצָא וּמִמַּעֲרָב וְלֹא מִמִּדְבַּר הָרִים׃" ("Al tarimu lamarom karknchem tedabru be'tzavar atik: Ki lo mimotza u'mim'arav ve'lo mimmidbar harim.") - "Do not lift your horn on high; do not speak with a stiff neck. For exaltation comes neither from the east nor from the west nor from the desert [mountains]." Refers to avoiding boasting and arrogant claims.
  • ישעיהו (Yeshayahu - Isaiah) 2:12: "כִּי יוֹם לַיהוָה צְבָאוֹת עַל כָּל גֵּאֶה וָרָם וְעַל כָּל נִשָּׂא וְשָׁפֵל׃" ("Ki yom la'HaShem Tzva'ot al kol ge'eh ve'ram ve'al kol nissa ve'shafel.") - "For the day of HaShem of Hosts shall be upon everyone proud and lofty, and upon everyone exalted and humble." HaShem confronts the boastful.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.) Boasting is rooted in considering oneself superior and perfect.
  • פרקי אבות 4:7: (As previously mentioned) - The characteristics of a "Golem" (ignorant/foolish) include showmanship and rudeness in speech.
  • פרקי אבות 6:4 (Regarding one who learns Torah "לשם שמים"): "שלא על מנת לקבל פרס" (not with the intention of receiving reward). Boasting in Torah study contradicts this aim.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (Anyone who possesses a haughty spirit is as if they are worshipping idolatry). Boasting is the most prominent manifestation of "גסות רוח."
  • בבלי יומא (Bavli Yoma) 86a (Regarding חכמים): The Talmud recounts stories of great sages who, even while teaching Torah, avoided any form of boasting and considered themselves humble.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "צניעות" (Tzniut - modesty/humility) in all aspects of life, especially concerning religious acts, to prevent boasting.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride "מידה רעה מאוד" (a very bad trait) and rules that one must strongly avoid it and move towards humility. Boasting is the most prominent manifestation of this trait.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 1:3: Emphasizes the importance of pure intention (כוונה לשם שמים) when performing mitzvot. Boasting contaminates the intention and renders the act worthless.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal, in the chapters on "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility) and "הזהירות" (Hazehirut - Caution), extensively discusses self-centeredness, boasting, and the need for external validation. He emphasizes that one must constantly engage in self-examination and acknowledge one's flaws, and avoid any form of showmanship and seeking "כבוד" (honor).
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הכניעה" (Gate of Humility), explains that a person must consider themselves imperfect and in need of HaShem's and others' help. This perspective eliminates the inclination to boast.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar book specifically addresses the chapter "הגאווה" (Pride) and considers boasting to be among the worst manifestations of pride and the main cause of estrangement from HaShem and people.
  • חסידות (Chassidut): In Chassidic teachings, emphasis is placed on "בּיטול היש" (nullification of self / self-worthlessness before HaShem), which is completely contrary to boasting. The Chassid's goal is connection to HaShem, not seeking the attention of others.

Common Examples of הִתְרַבְרְבוּת / יֹהֲרָה Manifestation:

• In Appearance and Clothing:
  • Wearing very expensive clothes or dazzling jewelry solely to flaunt wealth and provoke others' envy.
  • Using luxury cars or living in opulent homes for the purpose of showing off.
• In Speech and Behavior:
  • Constantly talking about financial successes, expensive travels, or acquaintances with important people.
  • Exaggerating academic or professional achievements in public.
  • Telling stories that portray oneself as a flawless hero.
  • Pretending to have special knowledge or abilities that one does not possess.
• In Religious Matters:
  • Deliberately displaying religious acts such as praying loudly or in public, giving large donations overtly, or constantly talking about the extent of one's Torah learning, solely to gain a reputation as "pious."
  • Using religious symbols in an excessive and showy manner.
• On Social Media:
  • Constantly posting photos or videos of a luxurious lifestyle, expensive meals, or special vacations solely to gain "likes" and admiration.
  • Exaggerating one's experiences or opinions in comments or posts.

Ways to Overcome הִתְרַבְרְבוּת / יֹהֲרָה:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (humility), צְנִיעוּת (modesty/integrity), and הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude to HaShem).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that boasting is a form of lying, a sin, and detested by HaShem.
   • Reflecting on Damage to Relationships: Consider how this trait destroys others' trust and isolates you.
   • Awareness of Inner Consequence: Understand that living in an unrealistic world of exaggeration ultimately leads to emptiness and inner dissatisfaction.
   • Understanding the "Damage" to HaShem: Boasting disrespects HaShem's Name.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness: Reflect on HaShem's infinite greatness and the truth that all your abilities and successes come from Him.
   • Acceptance of Human Limitations: Accept the truth that you are not perfect and need HaShem's help and guidance. Your true worth is not in the eyes of people, but in the eyes of HaShem.
   • Gratitude (הכרת הטוב): Instead of boasting, be grateful for the blessings, abilities, and opportunities HaShem has given you, and attribute them to HaShem.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה): This is the most important antidote:
     • More Silence and More Listening: Speak less and listen more to others. Allow others to speak and pay attention to them.
     • Speaking Only Truth: Always speak the truth and avoid any exaggeration or embellishment.
     • Concealing Good Deeds (צניעות): As much as possible, conceal your mitzvot and good deeds to avoid hypocritical intentions and boasting.
     • Focus on Others' Needs: Instead of self-display, pay attention to the needs and interests of others.
     • Self-Examination (חשבון נפש): Regularly examine your intentions and words, and identify any tendency to boast.
     • Understanding the Value of צניעות in Speech and Action: Speaking with humility and modesty (not with artificial self-deprecation).
   • Honesty (כנות): Be honest with yourself and others in all your interactions.
   • Gratitude (הכרת הטוב): Attribute every success to HaShem and thank Him for it.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consultation with a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you understand the roots of this trait and offer spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Mussar Study: Mussar books specifically focus on cultivating humility, self-honesty, and overcoming pride and boasting.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Repentance): Sincere repentance involves deep remorse for past boasts, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Vidui), and striving to change this trait in your heart. This also includes a commitment to speaking the truth and avoiding exaggeration in the future.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and with reliance on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "boasting and showmanship" and live a life based on humility, honesty, truthfulness, and a genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Concealing One's Virtues (in a Negative and Hypocritical Way)

הַסְתָּרַת מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת בְּאוֹפֶן שְׁלִילִי וְצָבוּעַ (Concealing one's virtues in a negative and hypocritical way): Pride in the Guise of Humility

Concealing one's virtues in a negative and hypocritical way refers to a state of pride where an individual hides their abilities, knowledge, or good deeds not out of true humility, but with a hidden intention to gain more attention, feign modesty, or deceive others. This behavior is an insidious form of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride) and צביעות (Tzvi'ut - hypocrisy). In this state, instead of using their talents and virtues to serve HaShem and the community, the individual turns them into a tool for their arrogant ego's validation, even if this validation appears to come from being "overlooked."

This trait seems contradictory, as pride is usually associated with showing off. However, in this case, pride appears in the guise of false humility. The individual might outwardly shun direct praise, but in reality, they seek indirect and deeper admiration from others who perceive them as a "humble" and "noble" person. This pretense of modesty, in fact, indicates a highly inflated and self-centered ego that seeks to control how others view them and gain credit through deception.

In Judaism, the primary goal of מצוות (Divine commandments) and the cultivation of ethical traits (תיקון המידות) is לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם (Leshem Shamayim - for the sake of HaShem), meaning with a pure intention and without expectation of human recognition. Hypocritically concealing virtues directly contradicts this principle, as the individual's intention is not to serve HaShem, but to gain human attention and validation. This behavior can lead to חִלּוּל הַשֵּׁם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of HaShem's Name), because an individual who considers themselves religious, through this hypocrisy, presents a false and deceptive image of religiosity, causing people to turn away from the truth.

Why is הַסְתָּרַת מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת בְּאוֹפֶן שְׁלִילִי וְצָבוּעַ problematic?

1. Hypocrisy and Deception: This act is fundamentally a lie and pretense that destroys pure intention.
2. Risk of Corrupting Intention (קלקול הכוונה): A good deed loses its true value when performed with impure intention.
3. Hindrance to Spiritual Growth: The individual becomes caught in a superficial display instead of focusing on genuine self-improvement.
4. Inefficient Use of Talents: Virtues that could have been used to positively impact society are wasted in the pursuit of pride and hypocrisy.
5. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): This is the most dangerous consequence, as it makes religious individuals appear despicable or deceptive to others.
6. Inflating the Ego: This form of pride feeds the ego in its most hidden states, making it harder to eradicate.

Relevant Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 6:18: "וְעָשִׂיתָ הַיָּשָׁר וְהַטּוֹב בְּעֵינֵי יְהוָה לְמַעַן יִיטַב לָךְ וְהִרְבֵּיתָ וְגוֹ'." ("Ve'asita ha'yashar ve'ha'tov be'einei HaShem le'ma'an yitav lach ve'hirbeta ve'go.") - "Do what is right and good in the eyes of HaShem, so that it may go well with you and you may multiply, etc." The purpose of actions is to fulfill HaShem's will, not to gain praise. Hypocrisy is contrary to what is "right" and "good."
  • Story of Cain and Abel (בראשית 4): Although not directly referring to hypocrisy, the lesson of this story is that HaShem values the intention (כוונה) of an act. Abel's offering was accepted because his intention was pure, while Cain's offering (despite a similar appearance) was not accepted.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Prophets and Writings):

  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 17:9: "עָקֹב הַלֵּב מִכֹּל וְאָנֻשׁ הוּא מִי יֵדָעֶנּוּ׃" ("Akov ha'lev mikol ve'anush hu mi yed'enu.") - "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?" This verse points to the complexity and hidden nature of the human heart, which can conceal impure intentions even in good deeds.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 27:2: "יְהַלֶּלְךָ זָר וְלֹא פִיךָ נָכְרִי וְאַל שְׂפָתֶיךָ׃" ("Yehalelcha zar ve'lo picha nochri ve'al sfateicha.") - "Let a stranger praise you, and not your own mouth; a foreigner, and not your own lips." This verse emphasizes the importance of humility and not praising oneself, but feigning this for the sake of gaining praise from others is hypocrisy.
  • Isaiah (Yeshayahu) 29:13: "וַיֹּאמֶר אֲדֹנָי יַעַן כִּי נִגַּשׁ הָעָם הַזֶּה בְּפִיו וּבִשְׂפָתָיו כִּבְּדוּנִי וְלִבּוֹ רִחַק מִמֶּנִּי וַתְּהִי יִרְאָתָם אֹתִי מִצְוַת אֲנָשִׁים מְלֻמָּדָה׃" ("VaYomer Adonai ya'an ki nigash ha'am ha'zeh be'fiv u'visfataiv kibbeduni ve'libbo richak mimeni va'tehi yir'atam oti mitzvat anashim melummada.") - "And HaShem said: Because this people has drawn near with its mouth and honored Me with its lips, but its heart is far from Me, and their fear of Me is a commandment of men that has been taught." This verse directly refers to hypocrisy and lack of sincere intention in worship.
  • Psalms (Tehilim) 51:19: "זִבְחֵי אֱלֹהִים רוּחַ נִשְׁבָּרָה לֵב נִשְׁבָּר וְנִדְכֶּה אֱלֹהִים לֹא תִבְזֶה׃" ("Zivchei Elohim ruach nishbara lev nishbar ve'nidkeh Elohim lo tivzeh.") - "The sacrifices of HaShem are a broken spirit; a broken and crushed heart, HaShem will not despise." This verse emphasizes the importance of humility and sincere inner intention before HaShem, not outward actions.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.) Feigning ignorance to gain praise is a type of pride.
  • פרקי אבות 4:1: "איזהו עשיר? השמח בחלקו." (Who is rich? One who is happy with their portion.) Feigning poverty or incapability to gain pity or praise is contrary to contentment.
  • פרקי אבות 2:13 (Rabbi Tarfon): "היום קצר והמלאכה מרובה... אתה בן חורין להבטל ממנה." (As mentioned previously) - One should act with zeal, not for show.
  • פרקי אבות 5:10: "יש ד' מדות בדעות: האומר שלי שלי ושלך שלך – זו מדה בינונית ויש אומרים זו מדת סדום. שלי שלך ושלך שלי – זה ע"ה. שלי שלך ושלך שלך – חסיד. שלי שלי ושלך שלי – רשע." (There are four traits among people: One who says 'What's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours' – this is a middling trait, and some say it is the trait of Sodom. [One who says] 'What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine' – this is an ignoramus. [One who says] 'What's mine is yours, and what's yours is yours' – this is a pious person. [One who says] 'What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine' – this is a wicked person.) This Mishnah highlights the importance of genuine generosity versus feigning it.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (Anyone who has arrogance is as if they are worshipping idols). Hypocrisy is also a form of pride and "גסות רוח."
  • בבלי ברכות (Bavli Brachot) 17a: "אמר רבה: לעולם אל יחשוב אדם לעשות מצוה לשם שמים גמור, שאם יבוא לשם שמים גמור, יבוא." (Rabba said: One should never think to do a mitzvah purely for the sake of Heaven, for if one comes to do it purely for the sake of Heaven, it will come.) This means that even if our intention is not perfectly pure, we should still act, but the goal is pure intention, and hypocritical concealment is a deviation from this goal.
  • בבלי פסחים (Bavli Pesachim) 50b (regarding "לשם שמים"): "אמר רב נחמן בר יצחק: לעולם יעסוק אדם בתורה ובמצוות אף על פי שלא לשמה, שמתוך שלא לשמה בא לשמה." (Rabbi Nachman bar Yitzchak said: One should always engage in Torah and mitzvot even if not for their own sake, for out of not for their own sake, one comes to for their own sake.) This teaching means that even if the initial intention is not entirely pure (e.g., for learning or reputation), it is better to act to eventually reach purity of intention. However, this is not a license for conscious hypocrisy and concealment.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "דרך ארץ קדמה לתורה" (Derech Eretz Kadma LeTorah - proper conduct precedes Torah). Honesty and lack of hypocrisy are part of "דרך ארץ."

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride "מידה רעה מאוד" (a very bad trait) and rules that one must strongly avoid it. Hypocrisy is one manifestation of this pride.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 1:3: Emphasizes the importance of pure intention (כוונה לשם שמים) when performing mitzvot. Hypocritically concealing virtues contaminates the intention and renders the act worthless.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal, in the chapters on "ענווה" (Anavah - humility) and especially "פרישות" (P'rishut - asceticism/separation from worldly desires) and "הזהירות" (Hazehirut - caution), addresses this form of pride and hypocrisy. He explains how one can fall into pride even when striving for asceticism, and instead of pure intention, seek validation and praise. He emphasizes that actions must be sincere and for HaShem, otherwise they are invalid.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הבוחן" (Gate of Self-Examination) and "שער הכניעה" (Gate of Humility), discusses hypocrisy and purity of intention in detail. He emphasizes that HaShem looks at intentions, and any outward act without pure intention is worthless.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar book specifically addresses the chapters on "הגאווה" (Pride) and "הענווה" (Humility), considering hypocrisy (צביעות) one of the most dangerous enemies of spiritual growth.
  • Rabbi Yosef Yochanan Rivlin: He said: "הגאווה גדולה מכל העבירות כי היא עוברת בין אדם למקום ובין אדם לחברו." (Pride is greater than all transgressions because it comes both between a person and HaShem and between a person and their fellow human being.) Hypocrisy lies to both HaShem and people.

Common Examples of Manifestations of הַסְתָּרַת מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת בְּאוֹפֶן שְׁלִילִי וְצָבוּעַ:

• Feigning ignorance or incompetence: An individual who possesses extensive knowledge but exaggerates their lack of knowledge or education to make others perceive them as humble yet secretly talented.
• Deliberately concealing good deeds: Someone who knowingly gives more charity than others but subtly tries to draw attention to their "hidden" act to elicit admiration.
• Exaggerating flaws: An individual with a particular talent who constantly speaks of their "lack of ability" in that area to gain more praise from others.
• Outward reactions to praise: When someone praises their virtues, they respond with exaggerated gestures like "Oh, no, I'm not like that, I still have a long way to go," but inwardly enjoy the praise and seek its continuation.
• Feigning simplicity: Someone in a good financial situation who exaggerates their simple lifestyle (e.g., wears old clothes or uses basic amenities) to make people perceive them as humble and detached from worldly desires.

Ways to Overcome הַסְתָּרַת מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת בְּאוֹפֶן שְׁלִילִי וְצָבוּעַ:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate אֱמֶת (truthfulness), עֲנָוָה (true humility), לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם (purity of intention), and שקיפות (transparency).

1. Understanding the depth of the sin and its consequences:
   • Understanding the danger of hypocrisy: Deeply understand that hypocrisy, in the eyes of HaShem and people, is a great sin and leads to the loss of reward for good deeds.
   • Reflecting on the harm to the soul: Understand that this behavior distances you from inner honesty and leads to a dual personality.
   • Awareness of חילול השם: Recognize that this trait devalues HaShem's Name and religion.
   • Distinguishing humility from hypocrisy: Understand the difference between true humility (which comes from the authentic self) and feigned humility (which is for gaining validation).
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (faith), and עֲנָוָה (true humility):
   • Focusing on HaShem as the sole Judge: Remember that only HaShem knows intentions and sees your actions. Only His satisfaction matters, not human praise.
   • True self-acceptance: Accept both your strengths and weaknesses. There is no need to hide them.
   • Seeing oneself as a servant of HaShem: All your abilities and virtues are a gift from HaShem. There is no room for personal pride.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Be grateful for all the virtues and abilities HaShem has given you and use them to serve Him and others.
3. Cultivating positive ethical traits (תיקון המידות):
   • True humility (עֲנָוָה אמיתית):
     • Self-examination (חשבון נפש): Regularly examine your intentions when performing good deeds. Is it truly for HaShem or to gain validation?
     • Action לשם שמים (for the sake of HaShem): Consciously strive to purify your intention in every good deed you perform.
     • Avoiding self-praise (عدم התהללות): When praised, give thanks to HaShem, and if appropriate, attribute it to Him or the original source (e.g., your teacher).
     • No false concealment: If you have a virtue that can help others or not cause Chilul HaShem, do not hide it.
     • Emphasizing actions, not personality: Let your actions speak for themselves, not yourself.
   • אֱמֶת (Truthfulness): Be honest in your speech and behavior and avoid any pretense or deception.
   • שקיפות (Transparency): Be transparent and honest as much as Halakha and צניעות (modesty) allow.
4. Seeking support and guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (spiritual mentor): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of the difference between humility and hypocrisy and practical strategies for purity of intention.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, combating pride, and purity of intention.
   • תְּפִלָּה (Tefillah - Prayer): Speak to HaShem about your hypocritical tendencies and ask for His help to live with pure intention and true humility.
   • Repentance (תשובה): Repent for any hypocritical or arrogant acts and resolve to live with honesty and pure intention from now on.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "concealing one's virtues in a negative and hypocritical way" and live a life based on honesty, true humility, purity of intention, and a genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, both materially and spiritually.

גַּאֲוָה בְּ... (Pride in...): Disregarding the True Source of All Blessings and the Illusion of Self-Sufficiency

Pride in knowledge, wealth, beauty, lineage/ancestry, status, or spiritual level refers to a feeling of superiority, self-aggrandizement, or conceit that is formed based on one of these external or acquired characteristics. In this state, instead of recognizing these traits as gifts from HaShem and using them properly, an individual considers them to be a result of their inherent superiority and looks down upon others. This form of pride is deeply contrary to fundamental Jewish concepts because it attributes the origin of all good and blessings to oneself rather than to HaShem.

The roots of this type of pride, similar to general pride, lie in disregarding HaShem as the source of everything (שכחת ה' כְּמָקוֹר לַכֹּל), lack of faith in Divine Providence (חוסר אמונה בהשגחה פרטית), inner insecurity (חוסר ביטחון עצמי) (which is covered by the outward display of these characteristics), and the need for validation and superiority (צורך באישור וגאווה עצמית). Each of these areas (knowledge, wealth, etc.) can, by themselves, be a breeding ground for pride:

• Pride in Knowledge (גאווה בְּדַעַת): Thinking that one's knowledge makes them superior to others and that there is no need to learn from them or from HaShem. (Contrary to "קנאת סופרים" which is healthy competition)
• Pride in Wealth (גאווה בְּעֹשֶׁר): Believing that one's wealth makes them superior to others and that there is no need to rely on HaShem. (Contrary to the concept of charity and justice)
• Pride in Beauty (גאווה בְּיוֹפִי): Focusing on one's appearance instead of inner values and belittling those who are "less" outwardly attractive.
• Pride in Lineage/Ancestry (גאווה בְּיִחוּס): Feeling superior based on lineage or family status (e.g., being a Kohen - כֹּהֵן, or descending from a famous family), without regard for individual actions and characteristics.
• Pride in Status/Position (גאווה בְּמַעֲמָד): Using a position of power or leadership to demean others rather than to serve.
• Pride in Spiritual Level (גאווה בְּרָמָה רוּחָנִית): Thinking that one's piety, performance of Mitzvot (מצוות), or Torah knowledge makes them superior to others and allows them to judge others. This is the most dangerous form of pride, as it takes on a "religious" veneer.

In the Jewish worldview, all these traits are gifts from HaShem, and their purpose is to serve HaShem and humanity. Misusing them for pride is not only a great sin but also constitutes a חילול השם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of God's name), because the arrogant person, in practice, places themselves in HaShem's stead and disregards His wisdom.

Why is גַּאֲוָה בְּ... problematic?

1. Ignoring the Source of All Blessings (HaShem): HaShem is the source of all knowledge, wealth, beauty, status, and spiritual abilities. Pride in any of these is a denial of this fundamental truth.
2. Risk of Downfall: HaShem strongly opposes the proud and brings them down. "לפני שבר גאון" (Proverbs 16:18).
3. Obstacle to Growth and Repentance: The arrogant person believes they are flawless and have no need for change, which hinders their personal, academic, and spiritual growth.
4. Destroys Human Relationships: Pride in any form leads to isolation, conflict, and disrespect for others.
5. חילול השם (Desecration of God's Name): When a religious person boasts due to their knowledge or piety, they desecrate HaShem's name and present a negative image of religion.
6. Root of Many Other Sins: This type of pride can lead to envy, anger, evil speech, and injustice.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 8:17-18: "וְאָמַרְתָּ בִּלְבָבֶךָ כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי עָשָׂה לִי אֶת הַחַיִל הַזֶּה׃ וְזָכַרְתָּ אֶת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי הוּא הַנֹּתֵן לְךָ כֹּחַ לַעֲשׂוֹת חָיִל לְמַעַן הָקִים אֶת בְּרִיתוֹ אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע לַאֲבֹתֶיךָ כַּיּוֹם הַזֶּה׃"1 ("Ve'amarta bilvavecha Kochi ve'otzem yadi asah li et ha'chayil ha'zeh: Ve'zacharta et HaShem Elokecha ki Hu ha'noten lecha koach la'asot chayil le'ma'an hakim et brito asher nishba la'avotecha ka'yom ha'zeh.") - "And you shall not say in your heart, 'My strength and the might of my hand have made me this wealth.' But you shall remember HaShem your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may confirm His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day." This verse directly refers to pride in wealth and forgetting HaShem as its source.
  • במדבר (Bamidbar - Numbers) 16 (The story of קֹרַח and his followers): As mentioned before, Korach's pride due to his relative status (being a Kohen) and his oratorical abilities, and his envy of Moses' and Aaron's spiritual position and leadership, led to his destruction. This demonstrates the danger of pride in lineage and spiritual status.
  • פרעה (Pharaoh) in שמות (Shemot - Exodus): Pharaoh is a prime example of pride in power and status, who, by insisting on his rebellion against HaShem, was subjected to severe punishments.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im and Ketuvim):

  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 9:22-23: "כֹּה אָמַר יְהוָה אַל יִתְהַלֵּל חָכָם בְּחָכְמָתוֹ וְאַל יִתְהַלֵּל גִּבּוֹר בִּגְבוּרָתוֹ אַל יִתְהַלֵּל עָשִׁיר בְּעָשְׁרוֹ׃ כִּי אִם בְּזֹאת יִתְהַלֵּל הַמִּתְהַלֵּל הַשְׂכֵּל וְיָדֹעַ אוֹתִי כִּי אֲנִי יְהוָה2 עֹשֶׂה חֶסֶד מִשְׁפָּט וּצְדָקָה בָּאָרֶץ כִּי בְאֵלֶּה חָפַצְתִּי נְאֻם3 יְהוָה׃" ("Koh amar HaShem: Al yithallel chakham be'chochmato ve'al yithallel gibbor bi'gevurato al yithallel ashir be'oshro. Ki im be'zot yithallel ha'mithallel haskel ve'yadoa oti ki Ani HaShem oseh chesed mishpat u'tzedakah ba'aretz ki be'elleh chafatzti neum HaShem.") - "Thus says HaShem: Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, nor let the mighty man boast in his might, nor let the rich man boast in his riches; but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am HaShem, who practices kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth. For in these things I delight, declares HaShem." This verse explicitly prohibits pride in knowledge, power, and wealth, and only permits boasting in the knowledge of HaShem.
  • משלי 11:2: "בָּא זָדוֹן וַיָּבֹא קָלוֹן וְאֶת צְנוּעִים חָכְמָה׃" ("Ba zadon va'yavo kalon ve'et tznuim chochmah.") - "When presumption comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom."

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:4: "הֱוֵי מְאֹד מְאֹד שְׁפַל רוּחַ שֶׁתִּקְוַת אֱנוֹשׁ רִמָּה׃" ("Hevei me'od me'od shefal ru'ach she'tikvat enosh rimmah.") - "Be exceedingly, exceedingly humble, for the hope of man [is but] a worm." This Mishnah is a strong lesson against any form of pride, reminding us of human mortality and insignificance compared to HaShem.
  • פרקי אבות 2:5: "וְכָל מַרְבֵּה יְשִׁיבָה מַרְבֶּה חָכְמָה. וְכָל מַרְבֵּה דְבָרִים מַרְבֶּה לִוּי." (Whoever sits much in the Yeshiva [Torah school] acquires more wisdom. And whoever speaks many [idle] words causes more harm [to himself].) This indicates that true knowledge is gained through humility and silence, not through self-display.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (Anyone who has haughtiness of spirit, it is as if he worships idolatry). This severe ruling applies to pride in any of these areas as well.
  • בבלי תענית (Bavli Ta'anit) 7a: "כל הנותן אשתו רעה לגרש, וכל המבקש גדולה ממנה, וכל המתגאה בחכמתו, אין דורו עולה בימינו." (Anyone who unjustly divorces his wife, and anyone who seeks greatness beyond his station [in the negative sense of considering himself superior], and anyone who boasts in his wisdom, his generation will not rise in his days.) This demonstrates the consequences of pride in knowledge.
  • Regarding envy and strife among scholars (תלמידי חכמים) in the Talmud: Many discussions show how pride (in knowledge or spiritual status) can lead to strife and division.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Character Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride a "מידה רעה מאוד" (a very bad trait) and urges a complete avoidance of it. He emphasizes that even a trace of pride should not exist in a person. This includes pride in any of these characteristics.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 2:3: Emphasizes the importance of "שפלות רוח" (humility) in all aspects of life, including study and the performance of Mitzvot.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal (רמח"ל) in the chapters on ענווה (Anavah - Humility) and פרישות (P'rishut - Abstinence/Separation) extensively addresses pride in its various forms (including knowledge, wealth, etc.). He emphasizes that the root of all these prides is the disregard for truth and the forgetting of HaShem as the source of everything.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda (רבי בחיי אבן פקודה) in "שער הבטחון" (Gate of Trust) and "שער עבודת האלוהים" (Gate of Service of God), believes that complete trust in HaShem and pure intention in actions are the best antidotes to pride. When a person knows that everything comes from HaShem and performs their actions only for Him, there is no room left for pride.
  • "הקדמה לספר התניא" (Introduction to Sefer HaTanya) - חסידות (Chassidut): In Chassidic teachings, the concept of "ביטול היש" (nullification of self) in the face of HaShem's greatness is emphasized. This means understanding the absolute nothingness of man and his attributes compared to HaShem's infinitude, which is a way to annihilate any pride.

Common Examples of the Manifestation of גַּאֲוָה (Pride) in these Areas:

• Knowledge:
  • A scholar who acts arrogantly and contemptuously towards others, believing they alone know "the truth."
  • A student with high grades who doesn't help classmates and considers them ignorant.
• Wealth:
  • A wealthy individual who treats the poor disrespectfully, considering them worthless due to their lack of money.
  • Someone who boasts about their wealth and considers themselves superior to others.
• Beauty:
  • An individual who judges others based on their beautiful appearance and behaves arrogantly towards those who are "less" attractive.
  • Excessive focus on appearance and a need for admiration from others for beauty.
• Lineage/Ancestry:
  • Someone who considers themselves superior to others due to their lineage from a prominent religious family (e.g., being a Kohen) or a non-religious one, without regard for their own actions.
  • Ignoring or belittling those from "less" prominent lineage or background.
• Status:
  • A manager who uses their position of power to humiliate and exploit subordinates.
  • A community leader who, due to their status, is unwilling to listen to people's opinions or consult with them.
• Spiritual Level:
  • A "Tzadik" (pious individual) who, because of performing many Mitzvot, considers themselves superior to others (who they perceive as performing fewer Mitzvot) and quickly judges them.
  • A scholar who, due to extensive memorization and repetition of Torah, feels closer to HaShem and boasts to others.
  • Performing Mitzvot for "show" and to gain human admiration, rather than for HaShem.

Ways to Overcome גַּאֲוָה (Pride) in These Areas:

Overcoming these specific forms of pride requires continuous effort, deep self-awareness, and a strong commitment to spiritual growth and humility.

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that pride in any of these areas is displeasing to HaShem and can lead to one's downfall.
   • Reflecting on Harm to One's Soul: Consider how this pride deprives you of true joy, inner peace, and connection with HaShem and others.
   • Awareness of Social Repercussions: Understand how pride harms your relationships and isolates you.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and בִּיטָחוֹן (Trust in HaShem):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness and One's Own Nothingness: Reflect on the infinite greatness of HaShem and that every talent, ability, wealth, or beauty is only a gift from Him. Daily say to yourself: "מה אני, ומה חיי?" (What am I, and what is my life?).
   • Acceptance of Absolute Dependence on HaShem: Understand that even your ability to acquire knowledge or wealth comes from HaShem.
   • Gratitude (הכרת הטוב): Instead of considering yourself the source of your successes, express gratitude to HaShem for everything you have achieved.
3. Cultivating Positive Character Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה): This is the most important antidote to pride. Actively strive to be humble:
     • Accept Criticism: Accept criticism with an open mind and a receptive attitude, even if you don't think you are entirely in the wrong.
     • Active Listening: Listen to others respectfully and accept their opinions.
     • Apologize: If you make a mistake, apologize quickly and sincerely.
     • Avoid Self-Praise: Refrain from speaking about your achievements and abilities, especially unnecessarily.
     • Serve Others: Use your knowledge, wealth, beauty, status, or spiritual abilities to serve others and HaShem, not to magnify yourself. This is the only true purpose of these gifts.
     • Recognize Your Weaknesses: Honestly admit your weaknesses and limitations.
   • אהבת ישראל (Love for Jews / Humanity) and כבוד הבריות (Respect for Creations): Every individual possesses צלם אלקים (the Divine image). Look at others with respect and recognize their inherent worth, regardless of any external characteristic.
   • Purity of Intention (לשם שמים): Make the ultimate goal of all your actions (whether studying, acquiring wealth, or performing Mitzvot) to serve HaShem and gain His favor, not to gain human admiration.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a Rav (Rabbi) or Moreh Derekh (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you understand the roots of this pride and offer spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility and overcoming pride in its various forms.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Repentance): Sincere repentance includes deep regret for past pride, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Vidui), and striving to change the roots of this trait in your heart. This also includes apologizing and making amends (if you have harmed someone due to pride).

By consistently practicing these methods, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of pride in knowledge, wealth, beauty, lineage, status, or spiritual level, and live a life based on humility, self-awareness, genuine connection with HaShem and others, and Divine blessing, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Feeling Superior Due to Mitzvot or Lineage

Let's carefully examine the concept of "הַרְגָּשַׁת עֶלְיוֹנוּת בִּגְלַל קִיּוּם מִצְווֹת אוֹ יִחוּס (Hargashat Elyonut Biglal Kiyum Mitzvot O Yichus - Feeling Superior Due to Mitzvot or Lineage)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) in various Jewish sources. This trait is one of the most dangerous and insidious forms of pride, as it can hide under the guise of religiosity and piety, while being fundamentally contrary to the spirit of the Torah. We will then discuss ways to overcome it.

הַרְגָּשַׁת עֶלְיוֹנוּת בִּגְלַל קִיּוּם מִצְווֹת אוֹ יִחוּס (Feeling Superior Due to Mitzvot or Lineage): A Spiritual Trap

Feeling superior due to performing מצוות (Mitzvot - Divine Commandments) or יִחוּס (Yichus - Lineage/Ancestry) refers to a state of hidden or overt pride where an individual believes themselves superior to others because of their religious actions (such as studying Torah, observing Shabbat, giving charity, or praying) or due to having a distinguished lineage (e.g., being a Kohen, Levi, or from a rabbinic family). This sense of superiority is a major obstacle to עֲנָוָה (Anavah - Humility) and אֱמֶת (Emet - Truth), and its roots lie in יוֹהֲרָה (Yoharah - Ostentation/Showiness) and כָּבוֹד (Kavod - Seeking Honor). In this state, the individual forgets the true purpose of Mitzvot, which is to draw closer to HaShem and purify the soul, and instead uses them as tools to validate their arrogant ego.

In Judaism, it is emphasized that all Mitzvot and the ability to perform them are gifts from HaShem, and no one can boast about performing them. Regarding Yichus, while lineage can be an honor, it also brings a heavier burden of responsibility and should not be an excuse for pride or disregard for others. A person's true worth lies not in what they inherited from their ancestors, but in their actions and ethical traits (מדות).

This trait can lead to צביעות (Tzvi'ut - Hypocrisy), שִׂנְאַת חִנָּם (Sinat Chinam - Baseless Hatred) towards others (especially those considered less religious), ביטול תורה (Bitul Torah - Neglecting Torah study/spiritual values) by focusing on appearances, and most importantly, חִלּוּל הַשֵּׁם (Chilul HaShem - Desecration of HaShem's Name). When religious individuals look down on others with pride and contempt, they present a negative image of religion and its teachings, causing people to distance themselves from HaShem.

Why is הַרְגָּשַׁת עֶלְיוֹנוּת בִּגְלַל קִיּוּם מִצְווֹת אוֹ יִחוּס problematic?

1. Contradiction with the Intent of Mitzvot: The purpose of Mitzvot is to draw closer to HaShem and improve oneself, not to gain superiority or honor from others.
2. Risk of Hypocrisy (צביעות): It destroys pure intention, as the individual seeks only external validation.
3. Obstacle to Spiritual Growth: When an individual feels perfect, they lose the motivation to strive and improve.
4. Destruction of Human Relationships: It leads to judgment, contempt, and alienation from others.
5. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): This is the most dangerous consequence, as it makes religious people appear hateful or hypocritical to others.
6. Forgetting מָה אֲנִי (Mah Ani - "What am I?"): The individual forgets that they too are a creation of HaShem and have imperfections.

Relevant Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 8:17-18: "וְאָמַרְתָּ בִּלְבָבֶךָ כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי עָשָׂה לִי אֶת הַחַיִל הַזֶּה׃ וְזָכַרְתָּ אֶת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי הוּא הַנֹּתֵן לְךָ כֹּחַ לַעֲשׂוֹת חָיִל..." (As previously mentioned) - This foundational verse emphasizes that all abilities and successes come from HaShem. Therefore, there is no room for personal pride or superiority, even in performing Mitzvot.
  • דברים 7:7: "לֹא מֵרָבְכֶם מִכָּל הָעַמִּים חָשַׁק יְהוָה בָּכֶם וַיִּבְחַר בָּכֶם כִּי אַתֶּם הַמְעַט מִכָּל הָעַמִּים׃" ("Lo mi'ravchem mi'kol ha'amim chashak HaShem bachem va'yivchar bachem ki atem ha'me'at mi'kol ha'amim.") - "Not because you were more numerous than all other peoples did HaShem desire you and choose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples." This verse explicitly reminds the Children of Israel that their selection was not based on merit or numerical superiority, but on HaShem's grace and will. This prevents any pride arising from ethnic "Yichus."
  • ויקרא (Vayikra - Leviticus) 19:18: "וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ" ("Love your fellow as yourself"). This commandment contradicts feelings of superiority and contempt for others.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im u'Ketuvim):

  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 9:22-23: "כֹּה אָמַר יְהוָה אַל יִתְהַלֵּל חָכָם בְּחָכְמָתוֹ וְאַל יִתְהַלֵּל גִּבּוֹר בִּגְבוּרָתוֹ אַל יִתְהַלֵּל עָשִׁיר בְּעָשְׁרוֹ׃ כִּי אִם בְּזֹאת יִתְהַלֵּל הַמִּתְהַלֵּל הַשְׂכֵּל וְיָדֹעַ אוֹתִי..." (As previously mentioned) - This verse is the most important rebuke against any boasting about personal or material abilities (including Mitzvah observance or lineage) and declares that the only true boast is in knowing HaShem and His attributes.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 16:18: "לִפְנֵי שֶׁבֶר גָּאוֹן וְלִפְנֵי כִשָּׁלוֹן גֹּבַהּ רוּחַ׃" (As previously mentioned) - Pride always precedes a downfall.
  • מלכים א' (Melachim Alef - 1 Kings) 8:46 (Solomon's Prayer at the Dedication of the Temple): "וְחָטְאוּ לָךְ... וְשָׁבוּ אֵלֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבָם וּבְכָל נַפְשָׁם... וְשָׁמַעְתָּ אֶל תְּפִלָּתָם וְאֶל תְּחִנָּתָם..." (If they sin against You... and return to You with all their heart and all their soul... You will hear their prayer and their supplication...) This verse emphasizes the importance of pure intention and humility in repentance, even for those who have sinned. No one is so good as to not need תְּשׁוּבָה (repentance).

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:16: "לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ולא אתה בן חורין להבטל ממנה." (It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it.) This shows that Mitzvot are our duty, and we should not boast about performing them.
  • פרקי אבות 2:13 (Rabbi Tarfon): "היום קצר והמלאכה מרובה והפועלים עצלים והשכר הרבה והבעל מלאכה אץ, והכל מוכן לסעודה." (The day is short, the work is great, the laborers are lazy, the reward is much, the Master is urgent, and all is ready for the feast.) This Mishnah emphasizes that we can never do enough to feel superior.
  • פרקי אבות 3:10: "כל שרוח הבריות נוחה הימנו, רוח המקום נוחה הימנו. וכל שאין רוח הבריות נוחה הימנו, אין רוח המקום נוחה הימנו." (Anyone who is pleasing to people, is pleasing to God. And anyone who is not pleasing to people, is not pleasing to God.) Arrogant behavior leads to displeasure from people and from HaShem.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (Anyone who has an arrogant spirit is as if they worship idolatry). This includes pride stemming from Mitzvot or Yichus, as the individual effectively puts themselves in HaShem's place.
  • בבלי בבא מציעא (Bavli Bava Metzia) 84a (Story of Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat): The Talmud recounts stories of sages who, even at the height of virtue and knowledge, avoided pride and boastfulness and lived with humility.
  • בבלי יומא (Bavli Yoma) 86a: "מדה טובה מרובה ממדת פורענות" (The measure of goodness is greater than the measure of punishment). This means that even our greatest Mitzvot are insignificant compared to HaShem's grace and forgiveness, so there is no room for pride.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "לשם שמים" (Leshem Shamayim - for the sake of HaShem) in all religious actions. If the intention of the action is to gain honor or superiority, its value is lost.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride "מידה רעה מאוד" (a very bad trait) and rules that one must strongly avoid it. He emphasizes that even when performing Mitzvot, one should not boast.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 1:3: Emphasizes the importance of pure intention (כוונה לשם שמים) when performing Mitzvot. Pride stemming from Mitzvot contaminates the intention and renders the action worthless.
  • חפץ חיים (Chafetz Chaim) in "שמירת הלשון" (Shmirat HaLashon - Guarding the Tongue): He emphasizes the sin of לשון הרע (Lashon Hara - gossip) and also belittling others. Feelings of superiority often lead to belittling others in speech and thought.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal extensively addresses this form of pride in the chapters on "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility) and "הזהירות" (Hazehirut - Caution). He emphasizes how the evil inclination can deceive a person into feeling superior even from their good deeds. The solution is self-knowledge, seeing one's own flaws, and seeing the hidden virtues of others.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הכניעה" (Gate of Humility), explains that a person should consider themselves small and needy before HaShem. He teaches that one should never consider oneself superior to others, as only HaShem knows each person's intentions and struggles.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar book specifically addresses the chapter on "הגאווה" (Pride) and "הענווה" (Humility) and emphasizes the great danger of pride stemming from Mitzvot and Yichus.
  • חסידות (Chassidut): Chassidic teachings emphasize the importance of "בּיטול היש" (self-nullification/self-worthlessness before HaShem) and "אהבת ישראל" (Ahavat Yisrael - love for every Jew). Both of these concepts are in opposition to feelings of superiority due to Mitzvot or Yichus.

Common Examples of הַרְגָּשַׁת עֶלְיוֹנוּת בִּגְלַל קִיּוּם מִצְווֹת אוֹ יִחוּס:

• Pride stemming from performing Mitzvot:
  • An individual who proudly boasts about their long hours of Torah study and belittles others who study less.
  • Someone who loudly talks about the amount of charity they give to gain admiration from others.
  • A person who looks down on others who may be less meticulous due to their strict observance of Halakha in minor matters.
  • A young person who feels superior to "unlearned" people because they attend a Yeshiva (religious school).
• Pride stemming from יִחוּס (lineage):
  • An individual who constantly refers to their rabbinic or Kohen lineage and expects special deference, even if their actions do not align with that lineage.
  • Someone who treats others with arrogance due to their family's "pedigree."
  • A person who allows themselves to judge others because of their lesser "Yichus."

Ways to Overcome הַרְגָּשַׁת עֶלְיוֹנוּת בִּגְלַל קִיּוּם מִצְווֹת אוֹ יִחוּס:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (humility), אֱמֶת (truthfulness), and הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude to HaShem).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and its Consequences:
   • Understanding the True Meaning of Mitzvot: Understand that Mitzvot are our duty as servants of HaShem and a means to draw closer to Him, not a means for self-aggrandizement.
   • Reflecting on the Damage to the Soul: This feeling of superiority destroys the human soul and distances it from HaShem and others.
   • Awareness of Chilul HaShem: Recognize that this trait diminishes HaShem's name in the eyes of others.
   • Understanding the Responsibility of Yichus: Yichus is not a reason for pride, but rather a heavier responsibility to uphold values and be an example.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focusing on the Greatness of HaShem: Reflect on HaShem's infinite greatness and the fact that He is the Creator of everything and the Giver of all blessings (including the ability to perform Mitzvot and Yichus).
   • Seeing Oneself as a Servant of HaShem: Remember that you are a servant of HaShem and have a duty to perform Mitzvot, not to be praised for it.
   • Seeing Your Own Flaws: Instead of seeing your virtues, focus on your shortcomings and deficiencies and strive to rectify them.
   • Seeing Virtues in Others: Actively seek out the good qualities and virtues in others, even those who may seem less religious. Everyone has a good point in HaShem.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Be grateful to HaShem for the opportunity to perform Mitzvot and for Yichus (if you have it), but not for boasting.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Concealing Good Deeds (צְנִיעוּת): As much as possible, conceal your Mitzvot and good deeds to avoid hypocritical intentions and pride.
     • Non-Judgment (عدم שיפوط): Refrain from judging others, as you are unaware of their intentions and life struggles.
     • Serving Others: Cultivate a sense of empathy and humility by helping those who may be considered "less religious" or "less distinguished."
     • Deep Mussar Study: Especially chapters related to pride and humility.
   • אהבת ישראל (Ahavat Yisrael - Love for Every Jew): Every Jew is a child of HaShem and has inherent worth. This love leaves no room for feelings of superiority.
   • בטחון (Trust): Instead of relying on your actions or lineage, trust in HaShem.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of Jewish teachings on humility and trust in HaShem.
   • Mussar Study: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, combating pride, and seeing the good in others.
   • תְּפִלָּה (Tefillah - Prayer): Talk to HaShem about these feelings and ask for His help to accept yourself and be grateful for His gifts.
   • Repentance (תשובה): Repent for any feelings of superiority or judgment towards others and resolve to henceforth look at them with an attitude of humility, love, and respect.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "feeling superior due to Mitzvot or Yichus" and live a life based on humility, empathy, continuous growth, and a genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Relying on Ancestral Merit Instead of Personal Effort

תְּלוּת בִּזְכוּת אֲבוֹת בִּמְקוֹם עֲבוֹדָה עַצְמִית (Relying on Ancestral Merit Instead of Personal Effort): The Shadow of Past Glory

Relying on Ancestral Merit Instead of Personal Effort refers to a state of pride where an individual, instead of focusing on their own actions, spiritual growth, and ethical traits, relies on their "זכות אבות" (Zechut Avot - ancestral merit/virtue) and thus feels superior or immune from personal responsibility. This trait is one of the most dangerous manifestations of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride), as it can lead to spiritual stagnation, disregard for HaShem's commandments, and even moral decline. In this state, the individual ignores their personal responsibility and mistakenly believes that the glory and piety of their ancestors are sufficient for them.

In Judaism, the concept of "זכות אבות" (ancestral merit) holds an important place. The faith and good deeds of the patriarchs (אברהם, יצחק, יעקב - Avot) and matriarchs (אמהות - Imahot) are valued by HaShem and can sometimes assist subsequent generations. However, Jewish sources clearly emphasize that this "Zechut" is neither eternal nor automatic, and each individual must strive and practice piety for themselves. Sole reliance on ancestral virtue is, in a way, a disregard for בְּחִירָה חָפְשִׁית (Bechira Chofshit - Free Will) and אחריות אישית (Achrayut Ishit - Personal Responsibility) that HaShem has given to every human being.

This trait can lead to עצלות רוחנית (Atzlat Ruchanit - Spiritual Laziness), חוסר יראת שמים (Choser Yirat Shamayim - Lack of Awe of HaShem), יוֹהֲרָה (Yoharah - Ostentation/Boastfulness), and לָשׁוֹן הָרַע (Lashon HaRa - Slander/Gossip) towards those who lack "Yichus" (pedigree/lineage) or seem inferior. Most importantly, it can lead to חִלּוּל הַשֵּׁם (Chilul HaShem - Desecration of HaShem's Name), because an individual who considers themselves pious and from a "noble" family presents a negative image of religiosity through this arrogant and lax behavior.

Why is תְּלוּת בִּזְכוּת אֲבוֹת בִּמְקוֹם עֲבוֹדָה עַצְמִית Problematic?

1. Ignoring Personal Responsibility: Every individual is responsible for their own actions and choices.
2. Risk of Spiritual Stagnation: When an individual relies on the past instead of striving, they do not grow and may decline.
3. Contradiction with אֱמֶת (Truth): The belief that ancestral virtue covers one's sins is contrary to the truth.
4. Creating Pride and Arrogance: The individual perceives themselves as superior to others without personal effort.
5. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): This behavior can lead others to view religious people as hypocritical or lax.
6. End of "זכות אבות": Ancestral merit is not eternal and can be lost due to the sins of subsequent generations.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 24:16: "לֹא יוּמְתוּ אָבוֹת עַל בָּנִים וּבָנִים לֹא יוּמְתוּ עַל אָבוֹת אִישׁ בְּחֶטְאוֹ יוּמָתוּ." ("Lo yumtu avot al banim u'vanim lo yumtu al avot ish be'cheto yumatu.") - "Fathers shall not be put to death for children, nor children for fathers; each person shall be put to death for his own sin." This verse explicitly emphasizes individual responsibility and rejects the belief that the sins of one generation are transferred to another (or vice versa, that virtues are automatically transferred).
  • יחזקאל (Yechezkel - Ezekiel) 18:20: "הַנֶּפֶשׁ הַחֹטֵאת הִיא תָמוּת בֵּן לֹא יִשָּׂא בַּעֲוֹן הָאָב וְאָב לֹא יִשָּׂא בַּעֲוֹן הַבֵּן צִדְקַת צַדִּיק עָלָיו תִּהְיֶה וְרִשְׁעַת רָשָׁע עָלָיו תִּהְיֶה." ("HaNefesh ha'chote'et hi tamut ben lo yisa ba'avon ha'av ve'av lo yisa ba'avon ha'ben tzidkat tzaddik alav tihyeh ve'rish'at rasha alav tihyeh.") - "The soul who sins shall die. A son shall not bear the iniquity of his father, nor a father bear the iniquity of his son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself." This verse is one of the strongest statements regarding individual responsibility in Judaism and negates any reliance on ancestral virtue to disregard personal sins.
  • Devarim 7:7-8: (As mentioned previously) The chosenness of Bnei Yisrael was not due to their multitude or superiority, but due to HaShem's love for the patriarchs and His covenant with them. This shows that Zechut Avot is a grace from HaShem, not an acquired right for pride.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im uKetuvim):

  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 9:22-23: (As mentioned previously) - This verse explicitly prohibits boasting in lineage, strength, or wealth, and defines true boasting as knowing HaShem.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 20:29: "תִּפְאֶרֶת בַּחוּרִים כֹּחָם וַהֲדַר זְקֵנִים שֵׂיבָה׃" ("Tif'eret bachurim kocham ve'hadar zekenim seivah.") - "The glory of young men is their strength, and the splendor of old men is their gray hair." This verse indicates that each period of life has its own values, and an individual's worth is in their actions, not merely their lineage.
  • Yeshayahu (Isaiah) 1:2-4: HaShem complains about Bnei Yisrael's rebellion and estrangement from Him, despite them being "children of HaShem." This shows that lineage alone does not guarantee a connection with HaShem.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:16: "לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ולא אתה בן חורין להבטל ממנה." (It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it.) This Mishnah emphasizes the ongoing individual responsibility to perform Mitzvot, even if we have great ancestors.
  • Pirkei Avot 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.) Relying on Zechut Avot to avoid personal effort is a form of self-deception and pride.
  • Pirkei Avot 3:10: "כל שרוח הבריות נוחה הימנו, רוח המקום נוחה הימנו. וכל שאין רוח הבריות נוחה הימנו, אין רוח המקום נוחה הימנו." (As mentioned previously) - Pride stemming from lineage alienates people and HaShem.
  • Pirkei Avot 1:14 (Hillel the Elder): "אם אין אני לי, מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי, מה אני? ואם לא עכשיו, אימתי?" (If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?) This Mishnah directly emphasizes individual responsibility for action and not relying on others (even ancestors).

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי יומא (Bavli Yoma) 86a: "מדה טובה מרובה ממדת פורענות" (HaShem's measure of goodness is greater than the measure of punishment). This means that HaShem is always seeking forgiveness, but the responsibility for repentance and individual effort remains.
  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (As mentioned previously) - Pride stemming from lineage or ancestral merit is a form of idolatry.
  • בבלי פסחים (Bavli Pesachim) 118a: "אין כל תלוי אלא בידי שמים" (Nothing is dependent except on the hand of Heaven). This shows that even Zechut Avot is a gift from HaShem and cannot be relied upon without personal effort.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "תלמוד תורה כנגד כולם" (Talmud Torah Keneged Kulam - The study of Torah is equivalent to all other Mitzvot). This indicates that working on oneself through learning and action is more important than relying on the past.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות תשובה (Hilchot Teshuva - Laws of Repentance) 3:11: Rambam explains that each person must repent individually and cannot rely on their ancestors' merit for forgiveness.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 1:3: Emphasizes the importance of pure intention (כוונה לשם שמים) in all actions. Relying on Zechut Avot instead of personal pure intention corrupts the intention.
  • Laws regarding repentance (תשובה): All Halakhot of repentance are based on the principle that an individual must be personally responsible for their actions and return to HaShem with sincere repentance.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): The Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto) in the chapter on "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility) addresses hidden forms of pride, including pride stemming from ancestry. He emphasizes that a person must constantly focus on their imperfections and understand that it is solely HaShem's grace that enables them to act.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הכניעה" (The Gate of Humility), explains that a person must consider themselves small and needy before HaShem and others. He emphasizes that no one can boast because of their lineage.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar text specifically addresses the chapter "הגאווה" (Pride) and considers reliance on lineage and ancestral merit as one of the most dangerous forms of pride.
  • חاخام ישראל סלנטר (Rabbi Yisrael Salanter - founder of the Mussar movement): Emphasized that "מלחמה עם היצר הרע" (the war with the evil inclination) is only possible through personal and continuous effort, not by relying on the virtues of others. He said: "אין יחוס אלא מעשים טובים" (There is no [true] lineage except good deeds).

Common Examples of the Manifestation of תְּלוּת בִּזְכוּת אֲבוֹת בִּמְקוֹם עֲבוֹדָה עַצְמִית:

• In religious matters:
  • An individual who becomes lax in performing Mitzvot, justifying it with the argument, "My ancestors were pious, and their Zechut is enough for me."
  • Someone who looks down on others with arrogance, saying, "I am descended from a great Rabbi, so I don't need to strive as much as others."
  • A person who, due to belonging to a famous religious family, considers themselves permitted to violate certain Halakhot, believing that they "won't be noticed" or that "their ancestors' Zechut will protect them."
• In social matters:
  • An individual who expects high social status and respect without personal effort, due to their ancestors' wealth or fame.
  • Someone who uses their position or family name to gain unfair advantages.
• In daily life:
  • A person who doesn't accept responsibility for their mistakes and tries to justify themselves by pointing to their family's glorious past.
  • A young person who, without striving to learn, considers themselves "inherently intelligent" because their ancestors were scholars.

Ways to Overcome תְּלוּת בִּזְכוּת אֲבוֹת בִּמְקוֹם עֲבוֹדָה עַצְמִית:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (Humility), אחריות אישית (Personal Responsibility), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (Gratitude to HaShem).

1. Understanding the Depth of Sin and its Consequences:
   • Understanding Individual Responsibility: Deeply comprehend that HaShem holds each person responsible for their actions, and no one can rely on the actions of another.
   • Reflecting on Harm to the Soul: This behavior prevents you from true growth and leads to a false and fragile pride.
   • Awareness of Chilul HaShem: Recognize that this trait devalues HaShem's Name in the eyes of others, especially when someone with high lineage engages in lax actions.
   • Understanding the Limitations of "זכות אבות": Understand that "זכות אבות" is not eternal and unlimited, and can only provide assistance to a certain extent, not replace personal effort.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focusing on HaShem's Greatness: Reflect on HaShem's infinite greatness and the truth that He is the sole Judge.
   • Viewing Oneself as HaShem's Servant: Remember that you are HaShem's servant and have the duty to perform Mitzvot, not to claim superiority because of your lineage.
   • Seeing Oneself as Imperfect (הכרת החסרונות): Instead of boasting about ancestors, focus on your own flaws and shortcomings and strive to rectify them.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Be thankful to HaShem for the opportunity to perform Mitzvot and for your Yichus (if you have it), but not to boast about yourself. This "Zechut" is a gift from HaShem.
3. Cultivating Positive Character Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Self-reflection (חשבון נפש): Regularly examine your actions and thoughts and identify any tendency to rely on the past or exhibit pride.
     • Accepting Full Responsibility: Take responsibility for all your actions and choices.
     • Focusing on the Present and Future: Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on personal growth in the present and future.
     • Serving Others (גמילות חסדים): Cultivate humility by serving others and performing good deeds, finding your true worth in helping others.
     • Deep Mussar Study: Especially chapters related to pride and humility and individual responsibility.
   • אחריות אישית (Personal Responsibility): Understand that HaShem has given every individual the potential for growth, and it is up to you to realize it.
   • התמדה (Perseverance) and שקידה (Diligence): Be steadfast in performing Mitzvot and studying Torah.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of Jewish teachings on individual responsibility and humility.
   • תְּפִלָּה (Tefillah - Prayer): Speak to HaShem about these feelings and ask for His help to accept responsibility for your actions and live with humility.
   • Teshuvah (Repentance): Repent for any reliance on ancestral merit instead of personal effort, and resolve to live henceforth with personal effort and responsibility.

By consistently practicing these solutions, with strong will, and with reliance on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "relying on ancestral merit instead of personal effort" and live a life based on humility, responsibility, continuous growth, and a true connection with HaShem, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Self-Righteousness (Always Thinking One Is Right)

Alright, let's carefully examine the topic of "הַרְגָּשַׁת צֶדֶק עַצְמִי / תָּמִיד לַחְשֹׁב שֶׁהוּא צֹודֵק (Hargashat Tzedek Atzmi / Tamid Lachshov Shehu Tzodek - Self-Righteousness / Always Thinking One Is Right)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) in various Jewish sources. This trait is highly destructive because it is a major obstacle to learning, growth, and establishing healthy relationships. Afterwards, we will also discuss ways to overcome it.

הַרְגָּשַׁת צֶדֶק עַצְמִי (Self-Righteousness): A Self-Imposed Prison

Self-righteousness or always thinking one is right refers to a state where an individual, regardless of evidence and logic, considers themselves to be correct and faultless in every situation, rejecting any criticism, opposing view, or suggestion for improvement. This trait stems from גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride) and עַצְמוּת (Atzmut - self-admiration/conceit), trapping the individual in a mental prison of their imagined perfection.

This personality trait distances an individual from אֱמֶת (Emet - truth). In Judaism, the pursuit of truth and honesty with oneself and with HaShem are fundamental values. Someone who is always self-righteous is unable to see their mistakes and, consequently, cannot perform תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - repentance/return to HaShem) or learn from them. This inability for self-criticism is a major impediment on the path of personal and spiritual growth (תיקון המידות - Tikkun HaMidot).

The roots of this trait lie in pride (Ga'avah) (the need to be superior and faultless), inner insecurity (חוסר ביטחון פנימי) (fear of making mistakes and having flaws exposed), lack of genuine self-confidence (חוסר ביטחון עצמי אמיתי) (which is covered up by pretending to know everything), and a need for control (צורך בשליטה). This trait not only harms the individual themselves but can also lead to מחלוקת (Machloket - dispute), שנאה (Sinah - hatred), and חוסר צדק (Choser Tzedek - injustice) in relationships with others.

Why is הַרְגָּשַׁת צֶדֶק עַצְמִי Problematic?

1. Hindrance to Learning and Growth: If an individual always thinks they are right, they will never learn from their mistakes or be able to expand their knowledge or understanding.
2. Disconnection from Truth and HaShem: HaShem is the source of truth. Someone who thinks they are always right, in effect, sees absolute truth within themselves and feels no need for divine guidance.
3. Damage to Human Relationships: This trait prevents constructive dialogue, compromise, and empathy. A self-righteous person is often not a good listener and tends to view others as ignorant.
4. Inability to Repent (תשובה): One of the key aspects of repentance is admitting one's mistakes. A person who always considers themselves in the right will never reach this stage.
5. Creation of Division and Strife (מחלוקת): This trait is one of the main causes of family, social, and even religious disputes, as the individual is unwilling to accept different perspectives.
6. Injustice (חוסר צדק): In legal or ethical matters, a self-righteous person may wrongfully harm others because they are unable to see their perspective or their own mistakes.
7. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): If a religious person possesses this trait, it brings disrespect upon HaShem's Name and Jewish values.

Relevant Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • סיפור קורח (Story of Korach in במדבר 16): Korach and his followers, due to their pride and belief in their own righteousness, stood against the authority of Moses and Aaron. They considered themselves to have the right to leadership and spiritual status, while HaShem had chosen Moses and Aaron. This is the most severe example of the disastrous consequences of self-righteousness and the refusal to accept divine truth.
  • פרעה (Pharaoh) in שמות (Shemot - Exodus): Despite repeated plagues, Pharaoh never admitted his mistake and insisted on his stubbornness, because he considered himself a god on earth and believed he was always right.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - נביאים וכתובים):

  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 26:12: "רָאִיתָ אִישׁ חָכָם בְּעֵינָיו תִּקְוָה לִכְסִיל מִמֶּנּוּ׃" ("Ra'ita ish chakham be'einav tikvah li'chesil mimennu.") - "Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him." This verse clearly states the danger of self-righteousness (considering oneself wise) which is even worse than foolishness, as it prevents learning.
  • משלי 12:15: "דֶּרֶךְ אֱוִיל יָשָׁר בְּעֵינָיו וְשֹׁמֵעַ לְעֵצָה חָכָם׃" ("Derech evil yashar be'einav ve'shome'a le'etzah chakham.") - "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who listens to counsel is wise." This verse directly refers to this trait.
  • ישעיהו (Yeshayahu - Isaiah) 5:21: "הוֹי חֲכָמִים בְּעֵינֵיהֶם וְנֶגֶד פְּנֵיהֶם נְבוֹנִים׃" ("Hoy chakhamim be'eineihem ve'neged peneihem nevoniym.") - "Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and intelligent in their own sight!"
  • איוב (Iyov - Job) 32:9: "לֹא רַבִּים יֶחְכָּמוּ וּזְקֵנִים יָבִינוּ מִשְׁפָּט׃" ("Lo rabbim yechekamu u'zkenim yavinu mishpat.") - "It is not the many who are wise, nor the aged who understand justice." This verse points to the necessity of accepting the truth that we are not always right, even if we are experienced or senior.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:1: "איזהו חכם? הלומד מכל אדם." (Who is wise? One who learns from every person.) Someone who is self-righteous cannot learn from others.
  • פרקי אבות 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.) This Mishnah directly prohibits self-conceit.
  • פרקי אבות 5:17: "כל מחלוקת שהיא לשם שמים סופה להתקיים. ושאינה לשם שמים אין סופה להתקיים. איזו היא מחלוקת שהיא לשם שמים? זו מחלוקת הלל ושמאי. ושאינה לשם שמים? זו מחלוקת קורח וכל עדתו." (Any dispute that is for the sake of Heaven will ultimately endure. And that which is not for the sake of Heaven will not endure. Which is a dispute for the sake of Heaven? That of Hillel and Shammai. And which is not? That of Korach and all his congregation.) This Mishnah shows that disputes arising from pride and self-righteousness (like Korach's) are destructive and unsustainable, while constructive disputes (Hillel and Shammai) are based on the humble search for truth.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (Anyone who has an arrogant spirit is as if they are worshipping idols). Since self-righteousness stems from pride, this ruling also applies to it. A person with this trait places themselves in HaShem's stead.
  • בבלי יומא (Bavli Yoma) 9b: "מקדש שני חרב על שנאת חינם" (The Second Temple was destroyed because of baseless hatred). Many commentators attribute baseless hatred to pride and the inability of scholars and people to accept each other's opinions and their insistence on their own righteousness.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "בטל דעתך מפני דעת חברך" (Batel Da'atcha Mipnei Da'at Chavercha - nullify your opinion before the opinion of your friend) (פרקי אבות 2:16), which requires overcoming self-righteousness.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride a "מידה רעה מאוד" (very bad trait) and rules that a person must strictly avoid it and move towards humility. Self-righteousness is one of the main manifestations of this pride.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 2:3: Emphasizes the importance of "שפלות רוח" (humility) and refraining from any self-aggrandizement or insistence on one's own way.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): רמח"ל (Ramchal) extensively discusses pride and self-conceit in the chapters on ענווה (Anavah - humility) and פרישות (P'rishut - detachment/asceticism). He emphasizes that a person who considers themselves wise prevents the acquisition of true wisdom and is unable to repent. He articulates the importance of seeing truth, not just oneself.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda in "שער הכניעה" (Gate of Humility) explains that a person must consider themselves imperfect and in need before HaShem and even before others. This perspective eliminates self-righteousness.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This book specifically addresses the chapter on "הגאווה" (Pride) and identifies insistence on one's own way as one of the most dangerous aspects of pride, as it hinders progress and repentance.

Common Examples of הַרְגָּשַׁת צֶדֶק עַצְמִי Manifesting:

• In Conversation and Debate:
  • Someone who, in an argument, never retracts their statement despite strong evidence and logic presented by the other party, and insists on their own correctness.
  • An individual who is completely unwilling to listen to opposing viewpoints and interrupts others.
• In Work/Academic Relationships:
  • A manager who never listens to or dismisses subordinates' suggestions because they believe only they know "what's right."
  • A student who, due to pride, is unwilling to admit a mistake on an exam or project and constantly blames the professor or the system.
• In Family Relationships:
  • Parents who never admit their mistakes in raising children and consider themselves flawless.
  • A spouse who is never willing to apologize in any dispute, always blaming the other party.
• In Religious Matters:
  • A scholar who is unwilling to listen to others' interpretive or Halakhic opinions and believes only they possess the truth.
  • An individual who judges others and considers their methods completely wrong due to their adherence to a specific religious practice.
  • A devout person who feels their actions are flawless and they have no need for repentance.

Ways to Overcome הַרְגָּשַׁת צֶדֶק עַצְמִי:

Overcoming this trait requires continuous effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (humility), הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude), and אֱמֶת (truthfulness).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and Its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that this trait hinders connection with HaShem and the pursuit of truth.
   • Reflection on Relationship Damage: Consider how this trait destroys your relationships and distances you from others.
   • Awareness of the Consequence of Non-Repentance: Understand that if you don't see your mistakes, you can never repent and will consequently be held back from spiritual growth.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness: Reflect on the infinite greatness of HaShem and the truth that only He is perfect and without fault.
   • Acceptance of Human Limitations: Accept that as a human being, you are not perfect, and the possibility of making mistakes always exists.
   • Understanding the Relativity of Perspectives: Realize that often in a situation, there is more than one "truth" or "correct viewpoint," and your perspective may be just one of them.
   • Gratitude (הכרת הטוב): Instead of focusing on your own righteousness, be grateful for HaShem's blessings and opportunities for learning and growth.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה): This is the most important antidote:
     • Accepting Criticism: Be actively prepared to listen to criticism, even if it's difficult. Use it as an opportunity to learn.
     • Active Listening and Empathy: Instead of quickly responding, truly listen to what others say and try to understand their perspective.
     • Apologizing: If you make a mistake, apologize promptly and sincerely. This shows inner strength, not weakness.
     • Asking Questions: Instead of insisting on knowing everything, ask others questions and benefit from their knowledge.
     • Studying and Reflecting on Ethical Sources: Especially Mussar texts that emphasize humility and breaking down pride.
   • Debate "לשם שמים" (for the sake of Heaven): In any discussion, your goal should be to reach truth and HaShem's will, not to win the argument.
   • Avoiding Useless Disputes: If you see a discussion devolving into strife and the other party is unwilling to listen, it is wise to withdraw from it.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you understand the roots of this trait and offer spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Mussar Study: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, self-honesty, and overcoming pride and self-righteousness.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Repentance): Sincere repentance includes deep regret for insisting on your own righteousness, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Vidui), and striving to change this trait in your heart. This also includes apologizing to those you have wronged due to this trait.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "self-righteousness" and live a life based on humility, continuous learning, healthy relationships, and a genuine pursuit of truth, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Refusal to Accept Mistakes or Rebuke

We will now carefully examine the topic of "אִי קַבָּלַת טָעוּת אוֹ תּוֹכֵחָה (I Kabbalat Ta'ut O Tochacha - Refusal to Accept Mistakes or Rebuke)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) in various Jewish sources. This trait, due to its direct connection with the inability to repent and grow, is one of the most destructive manifestations of pride. Afterwards, we will address ways to overcome it.

אִי קַבָּלַת טָעוּת אוֹ תּוֹכֵחָה (Refusal to Accept Mistakes or Rebuke): A Barrier to Growth

Refusal to accept mistakes or rebuke (תוכחה - Tochacha, meaning constructive criticism or admonishment) refers to a state where an individual, due to pride, is unable to admit their errors and rejects any criticism, even if it is constructive and intended to help. This trait is deeply connected to גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride) and הַרְגָּשַׁת צֶדֶק עַצְמִי (Hargashat Tzedek Atzmi - Self-righteousness). An individual who cannot accept their mistakes is, in fact, escaping from reality and confining themselves within a fortress of illusory perfection.

In the Jewish worldview, repentance (תְּשׁוּבָה - Teshuvah), meaning returning to HaShem and rectifying one's actions, is a foundational principle. However, admitting mistakes is the first and most vital step on the path to Teshuvah. Someone who cannot accept their mistake can never repent, and consequently, is deprived of opportunities for personal and spiritual growth, and a deeper connection with HaShem and others. HaShem considers Himself "חנון ורחום" (Gracious and Merciful) and desires humanity's repentance. But accepting a mistake is a prerequisite for this repentance.

The roots of this trait lie in pride (Ga'avah) (fear of damaging one's perfect image), shame and embarrassment (בושה - Busha) (fear of being judged), inner insecurity (חוסר ביטחון פנימי) (believing that making mistakes means being worthless), and the need to maintain power or control (צורך לשמור על כוח או שליטה). This trait not only harms the individual themselves but also leads to destruction of relationships (הרס יחסים), lack of progress (חוסר התקדמות), and even disaster (אסון), as the person repeats their mistakes and fails to learn from life's lessons.

Why is אִי קַבָּלַת טָעוּת אוֹ תּוֹכֵחָה problematic?

1. Prevents repentance and spiritual growth: The first step of repentance is admitting a mistake. If this step is not taken, there is no possibility of repentance and returning to HaShem.
2. Disconnection from truth: An individual who does not accept their mistakes effectively lives in an illusion and moves away from reality.
3. Repetition of errors: Not accepting a mistake means not learning from it, which leads to repeating the same errors.
4. Destruction of human relationships: No one wants to work or live with someone who never admits their mistakes and always blames others. This trait leads to distrust, resentment, and alienation.
5. Creation of discord and strife (מחלוקת): Insisting on not accepting mistakes, especially in disagreements, can lead to prolonged and fruitless conflicts.
6. Loss of learning opportunities: Constructive criticism and rebuke are opportunities for improvement. Not accepting them means losing these opportunities.
7. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): If a religious person is unable to accept their mistakes, they desecrate HaShem's name and present a negative image of religiosity.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • The story of קֹרַח וַעֲדָתוֹ (Korach and his congregation) in במדבר (Bamidbar - Numbers) 16: Korach and his followers, despite divine signs and Moses' warnings, never accepted their mistake and insisted on their rebellion. The result was being swallowed by the earth. This is the most severe example of the consequences of not accepting mistakes and divine rebuke.
  • חטא המרגלים (Sin of the Spies) in במדבר 13-14: The spies, after their mission, gave a negative report and despite Moses', Joshua's, and Caleb's efforts to rebuke them and encourage faith, they insisted on their error. The result was 40 years of wandering in the desert and the death of that generation.
  • סיפור עֵשָׂו (Story of Esau): Esau never regretted selling his בכורה (birthright) and did not accept his mistake, which led to his separation from Jacob and his descendants.
  • פרעה (Pharaoh) in שמות (Shemot - Exodus): Pharaoh, despite the ten plagues, never accepted his mistake and insisted on his stubbornness, because his pride prevented him from accepting the truth.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - נביאים וכתובים):

  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 10:17: "אֹרַח לְחַיִּים שׁוֹמֵר מוּסָר וְעֹזֵב תּוֹכַחַת תּוֹעֶה׃" ("Orach le'chayyim shomer musar ve'ozev tochachat to'eh.") - "The path of life is for one who keeps discipline [instruction], but he who forsakes rebuke goes astray." This verse directly emphasizes the importance of accepting rebuke for a righteous life.
  • משלי 15:32: "פּוֹרֵעַ מוּסָר שׂוֹנֵא נַפְשׁוֹ וְשׁוֹמֵעַ תּוֹכַחַת קוֹנֶה לֵּב׃" ("Porea musar soneh nafsho ve'shome'a tochachat koneh lev.") - "He who forsakes discipline hates his own soul, but he who listens to rebuke gains understanding."
  • שמואל א' (Shmuel Alef - 1 Samuel) 15 (Story of שאול המלך - King Saul): Saul, after disobeying HaShem in the war with עמלק (Amalek), despite Samuel's rebukes, did not fully accept his mistake and tried to justify himself. The result was the loss of his kingship.
  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 141:5: "יֶהְלָמֵנִי צַדִּיק חֶסֶד וְיוֹכִיחֵנִי שֶׁמֶן רֹאשׁ אַל יָנִי רֹאשִׁי כִּי עוֹד וּתְפִלָּתִי בְּרָעוֹתֵיהֶם׃" ("Yehlameni tzaddik chesed ve'yochicheni shemen rosh al yani roshi ki od u'tefilati be'ra'oteihem.") - "Let a righteous man strike me in kindness and reprove me; it is oil for my head; my head will not refuse it, for still my prayer is against their evil deeds." King David shows his willingness to accept rebuke.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:4: "אל תאמר דבר שאי אפשר לשומעו." (Do not say something that cannot be heard by the listener.) This Mishnah also alludes to the importance of accepting criticism, as one who does not listen cannot be a good listener.
  • פרקי אבות 4:1: "איזהו חכם? הלומד מכל אדם." (Who is wise? One who learns from every person.) Refusal to accept mistakes or rebuke prevents learning from others.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי יומא (Bavli Yoma) 86a: "כל שיש לו עבירה, ומתוודה עליה, ואינו חוזר בה - דומה לטובל ושרץ בידו." (Whoever has a transgression, and confesses it, but does not turn from it - is like one who immerses [in a mikvah] with a defiling creature in his hand.) The Talmud emphasizes the necessity of complete repentance, which includes regret, confession, and a decision not to repeat the mistake. Not accepting a mistake nullifies the entire process.
  • בבלי בבא מציעא (Bavli Bava Metzia) 30b: "כל המוחל על כבודו - כבודו מחול." (Anyone who relinquishes their honor [unjustly] - their honor is forgiven.) This implies that humility in accepting mistakes and setting aside pride does not harm one's true standing.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "תוכחה" (Tochacha - constructive rebuke) and considers it a מצוה (Mitzvah). At the same time, it also discusses the proper way to give and receive admonition, warning that inappropriate or arrogant admonition is also condemned.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות תשובה (Hilchot Teshuvah - Laws of Repentance) 2:2: Rambam emphasizes that the first step of repentance is "עזיבת החטא" (abandoning the sin) and "התבוננות על חטאו" (reflecting on one's sin) and "התחרטות" (regret). Not accepting a mistake makes all these stages impossible.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 606:2: Regarding הלכות יום הכפורים (Laws of Yom Kippur), it emphasizes the necessity of confessing sins. This act demonstrates acceptance of error.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): רמח"ל (Ramchal) in the chapters on "נקיות" (Nekiyut - Cleanliness/Purity) and "פרישות" (P'rishut - Abstemiousness/Separation) refers to the importance of self-examination and seeing one's flaws to achieve purity. He emphasizes that pride blinds a person to their mistakes.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi בחיי אבן פקודה (Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda) in "שער החשבון" (Gate of Accounting for Oneself) emphasizes the necessity of continuously evaluating one's actions and accepting mistakes for spiritual growth.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar text specifically addresses the chapter "הגאווה" (Pride) and considers insistence on not accepting mistakes as one of the worst manifestations of pride and a primary obstacle to spiritual growth.

Common Examples of אִי קַבָּלַת טָעוּת אוֹ תּוֹכֵחָה:

• In the workplace:
  • A manager who never takes responsibility for their mistakes and always blames subordinates.
  • An employee who, despite clear evidence, denies their mistake in a project and does not accept the boss's rebuke.
• In family and personal relationships:
  • A spouse who is never willing to admit their mistake in any argument and always blames the other party.
  • Parents who never apologize to their children for their mistakes, believing it diminishes their authority.
  • A friend who never accepts constructive criticism and always takes a defensive stance.
• In religious matters:
  • A scholar who, despite making a mistake in a ruling or interpretation, is unwilling to correct it due to pride.
  • An individual who makes mistakes in performing מצוות, but never admits it and considers themselves infallible.
  • A "רב" (Rabbi) who is unable to accept feedback or criticism from their community and considers themselves above it.

Ways to Overcome אִי קַבָּלַת טָעוּת אוֹ תּוֹכֵחָה:

Overcoming this trait requires a continuous effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (humility), אֱמֶת (truthfulness), and תְּשׁוּבָה (repentance).

1. Understanding the depth of the sin and its consequences:
   • Halakhic and spiritual understanding: Deeply understand that refusing to accept mistakes prevents repentance and closeness to HaShem and can lead to divine punishment.
   • Reflecting on the harm to growth: Consider how this trait deprives you of learning and progress in all aspects of life.
   • Awareness of the consequences of non-acceptance in relationships: Understand that this trait destroys trust and respect from others.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's greatness and your own nothingness: Reflect on HaShem's infinite greatness and that all human beings, including yourself, are imperfect and prone to error.
   • Acceptance of human limitations: Accept the truth that making mistakes is a natural part of being human and does not indicate weakness, but rather an opportunity for learning.
   • Understanding the value of תוכחה (constructive rebuke): View rebukes and criticisms as a gift from HaShem for your growth.
   • Gratitude: Be grateful for individuals who dare to offer you constructive criticism.
3. Cultivating positive character traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה): This is the most important antidote:
     • Continuous self-examination: Regularly examine your actions and thoughts and honestly identify your mistakes.
     • Taking full responsibility: When you make a mistake, take full responsibility for it without justification or blaming others.
     • Sincere apology: Apologize quickly and sincerely to those you have harmed due to your mistake.
     • Active listening to criticism: Listen to criticism with an open mind, even if it is difficult at first. Try to see the issue from the other person's perspective.
     • Asking yourself questions: Before reacting, ask yourself: "Could they be right?" or "What can I learn from this?"
   • Moral courage: The courage to admit mistakes demonstrates true strength of character.
   • Aiming for growth, not absolute perfection: Your goal is not to be flawless, but to be constantly improving and learning.
4. Seeking support and guidance:
   • Consulting with a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (spiritual mentor): They can help you identify the roots of this trait and provide spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Mussar study: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, self-honesty, and overcoming pride and the refusal to accept mistakes.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Repentance): Sincere repentance includes deep regret for past refusals to accept mistakes, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Viduy), and an effort to change this trait in your heart. This also includes apologizing and making amends (if you have harmed someone due to this trait).

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "refusal to accept mistakes or rebuke" and live a life based on humility, truthfulness, continuous learning, and healthy relationships that will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Defensiveness Against Criticism or Advice

We will meticulously examine the topic of "הִתְגּוֹנְנוּת מִפְּנֵי בִּיקֹרֶת אוֹ עֵצָה (Hitgonenut Mipnei Bikoret O Etzah - Defensiveness Against Criticism or Advice)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Arrogance/Pride) in various Jewish sources. This trait is a prominent sign of arrogance that poses a serious obstacle to growth, learning, and the improvement of human relationships. Subsequently, we will explore ways to overcome it.

הִתְגּוֹנְנוּת מִפְּנֵי בִּיקֹרֶת אוֹ עֵצָה (Defensiveness Against Criticism or Advice): A Fence Around the Self

Defensiveness against criticism or advice refers to a defensive, aggressive, or dismissive reaction that an individual exhibits when faced with feedback (whether positive or negative, but especially negative). This trait is deeply rooted in גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Arrogance) and חוסר ביטחון עצמי (Choser Bitachon Atzmi - Lack of Self-Confidence). An arrogant person views criticism as a personal attack on their identity and worth, rather than an opportunity for learning. They believe that accepting criticism means admitting imperfection and, consequently, losing their fabricated "perfection" or "superiority."

In Judaism, תוכחה (Tochacha - Constructive Reprimand/Criticism) and עצה (Etzah - Advice/Counsel) are not only tools for individual and societal growth but are also considered מצוות (Mitzvot - Divine Commandments) themselves. The Torah states: "הוֹכֵחַ תּוֹכִיחַ אֶת עֲמִיתֶךָ וְלֹא תִשָּׂא עָלָיו חֵטְא׃" (Vayikra - Leviticus 19:17) - "You shall surely rebuke your fellow, and not bear sin because of him." This verse indicates that advice and criticism are religious and moral duties performed with the aim of improvement and correction. Therefore, defensiveness against it is not only a negative moral trait but also a form of violating this divine commandment and a barrier to individual and societal growth.

The roots of this trait lie in the fear of weakness (פחד מחולשה), the need for constant validation (צורך באישור מתמיד), the maintenance of a flawless facade (שמירה על חזות מושלמת), and inner self-dissatisfaction (חוסר שביעות רצון פנימי מעצמי). This trait traps an individual in a closed cycle of ignoring truth and failing to progress.

Why is הִתְגּוֹנְנוּת מִפְּנֵי בִּיקֹרֶת אוֹ עֵצָה Problematic?

1. Hindrance to Growth and Learning: If an individual does not accept criticism, they will never identify and correct their mistakes, thus remaining at the same level and failing to progress.
2. Creation of Unhealthy Relationships: This behavior leads to distrust, resentment, and distance in personal and professional relationships. Others feel unheard and that their efforts are futile.
3. Repetition of Mistakes: Refusal to accept feedback means not learning from errors and repeating them.
4. Loss of Opportunities: Criticism and advice often contain valuable insights that can help improve performance and success. Being defensive means losing these opportunities.
5. Creation of Discord and Strife (מחלוקת): In work or family environments, insistence on not accepting criticism can lead to serious and lasting tensions.
6. Damage to Self-Knowledge (הכרה עצמית): An individual who is defensive hides the truth from themselves and builds a false self-image.
7. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): If a religious person is unable to accept constructive criticism, they are disrespecting HaShem's Name and the values of humility and honesty praised in the Torah.

Relevant Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • ויקרא (Vayikra - Leviticus) 19:17: "הוֹכֵחַ תּוֹכִיחַ אֶת עֲמִיתֶךָ וְלֹא תִשָּׂא עָלָיו חֵטְא׃" ("Hoche'ach tochi'ach et amitecha ve'lo tisa alav chet.") - "You shall surely rebuke your fellow, and not bear sin because of him." This verse not only emphasizes the duty of constructive criticism but also invites the recipient to accept it, as its purpose is correction.
  • Story of משה ויתרו (Moses and Jethro) in שמות (Shemot - Exodus) 18: Jethro advises Moses on how to lead the Israelites. Moses humbly accepts his father-in-law's advice and implements it. This is an excellent example of accepting advice, even from someone of seemingly lower status.
  • סיפור קורח (Story of Korach in במדבר 16 - Numbers 16): Korach and his followers, despite Moses' warnings, became defensive due to their arrogance and refused to accept divine reprimands and advice, which led to their destruction.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Prophets and Writings):

  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 15:31: "אֹזֶן שֹׁמַעַת תּוֹכַחַת חַיִּים בְּקֶרֶב חֲכָמִים תָּלִין׃" ("Ozen shoma'at tochachat chayyim be'kerev chakhamim talin.") - "The ear that listens to life-giving rebuke will dwell among the wise." This verse explicitly emphasizes the importance of accepting criticism for gaining wisdom.
  • משלי 12:1: "אֹהֵב מוּסָר אֹהֵב דָּעַת וְשׂוֹנֵא תוֹכַחַת בָּעַר׃" ("Ohev musar ohev da'at ve'sone tochachat ba'ar.") - "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates reproof is brutish." This verse identifies defensiveness against criticism as a sign of foolishness.
  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 141:5: "יֶהְלָמֵנִי צַדִּיק חֶסֶד וְיוֹכִיחֵנִי שֶׁמֶן רֹאשׁ אַל יָנִי רֹאשִׁי..." (as previously mentioned) - King David expresses his willingness to accept rebuke, considering it "oil for the head" (beneficial and healing).

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:1: "איזהו חכם? הלומד מכל אדם." (Who is wise? One who learns from every person.) An individual who is defensive cannot learn from others.
  • פרקי אבות 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.) Defensiveness against criticism indicates that a person considers themselves wise and in no need of correction.
  • פרקי אבות 5:17: "כל מחלוקת שהיא לשם שמים סופה להתקיים. ושאינה לשם שמים אין סופה להתקיים." (Any dispute that is for the sake of Heaven will ultimately endure. And that which is not for the sake of Heaven will not endure.) This Mishnah shows that defensiveness and self-insistence make disputes destructive, while humility and the pursuit of truth make a dispute constructive.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי ערכין (Bavli Arachin) 16b: The Talmud discusses in detail the מצות תוכחה (commandment of rebuke/criticism). These discussions show the importance of both the giver and receiver of criticism acting with proper intention and humility. One who is defensive nullifies this Mitzvah.
  • בבלי בבא קמא (Bavli Bava Kamma) 92a: "כל המבייש את חברו ברבים, כאילו שופך דמים." (Whoever shames their friend in public, it is as if they have shed blood.) This emphasizes that even when criticizing, one must act with respect and preserve the individual's dignity. This does not mean criticism should not be accepted, but that it should be delivered respectfully.
  • Many Talmudic stories refer to scholars and חסידים (Chasidim - pious individuals) who humbly accepted criticism and used it for growth.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Character Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride a "מידה רעה מאוד" (very bad trait) and rules that one must strongly distance oneself from it and move towards humility. Defensiveness against criticism is a clear sign of this pride.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 2:3: Emphasizes the importance of "שפלות רוח" (humility) and avoiding any self-aggrandizement and self-insistence, which naturally accompanies the acceptance of criticism.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): רמח"ל (Ramchal), in the chapters on "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility) and "הזהירות" (Hazehirut - Vigilance), extensively addresses pride and self-deception. He explains how pride prevents a person from seeing the truth and accepting their flaws. He emphasizes that one should seek criticism, not flee from it.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הכניעה" (Gate of Humility), explains that a person should view themselves as imperfect and needy before HaShem and even before others. This perspective eliminates the tendency to be defensive.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This book specifically addresses the chapter "הגאווה" (Pride) and considers self-insistence and non-acceptance of criticism as among the most dangerous aspects of pride, as it prevents progress and repentance.

Common Examples of הִתְגּוֹנְנוּת מִפְּנֵי בִּיקֹרֶת אוֹ עֵצָה:

• In the workplace:
  • A manager who gets angry at employee feedback and reprimands them for "complaining."
  • An employee who, when their performance is criticized, starts to justify, make excuses, or blame others.
• In family and personal relationships:
  • A spouse who reacts to any criticism from their partner with silence, aggression, or by leaving the discussion.
  • A child who is unwilling to listen to their parents' advice and considers them "ignorant" or "old-fashioned."
  • A friend who responds with anger or by cutting off the relationship when told their behavior is annoying.
• In religious/academic matters:
  • A student who, despite numerous mistakes in a Torah topic, is unwilling to accept guidance from their teacher or Rabbi.
  • A community leader who, due to pride, is unwilling to listen to constructive criticism from community members and invalidates them.

Ways to Overcome הִתְגּוֹנְנוּת מִפְּנֵי בִּיקֹרֶת אוֹ עֵצָה:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (humility), פְּתִיחוּת (open-mindedness), and אֱמֶת (truthfulness).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that defensiveness prevents learning, growth, and the observance of מצות תוכחה.
   • Reflection on Self-Harm: Consider how this trait keeps you from becoming your best self.
   • Awareness of Impact on Relationships: Understand how this behavior damages your relationships and distances you from others.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness: Reflect on the infinite greatness of HaShem and the truth that only He is perfect and without fault.
   • Acceptance of Human Limitations: Accept the truth that making mistakes and needing to learn is a natural part of being human and does not indicate weakness.
   • Understanding the Value of תוכחה (Constructive Reprimand): View criticism and advice as a gift from HaShem for your growth.
   • Gratitude: Be grateful for those who dare to give you honest feedback, as they are helping you.
3. Cultivating Positive Character Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה): This is the most important antidote:
     • Active Listening: Before reacting, truly listen to what the other person is saying. Try to understand their intent and message.
     • Asking Questions: Instead of defending, ask questions to better understand the issue: "Can you explain more?" or "What do you suggest?"
     • Pause and Breathe: When receiving criticism, don't react immediately. Pause, take a deep breath, and give yourself time for initial emotions (anger, shame) to subside.
     • Focus on the Message, Not the Messenger: Even if you don't like the tone or the person giving the criticism, try to focus on the essence of their message.
     • Apologize and Take Responsibility: If you realize they are right, accept responsibility for your mistake and apologize.
     • Thank for Feedback: Even if you don't agree with all the criticism, thank the person for taking the time and effort to help you.
     • Self-Examination (חשבון נפש): Regularly examine your actions and thoughts and honestly identify your mistakes.
   • Acceptance of Vulnerability (קבלה של פגיעות): Have the courage to accept that you are not perfect and need to improve.
   • Purity of Intention (כוונה לשם שמים): Your goal in everything you do should be to please HaShem, not to maintain your image in front of people.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you understand the roots of this trait and offer spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, self-honesty, and overcoming pride and non-acceptance of criticism.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - Repentance): Sincere repentance includes deep regret for past defensiveness, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Vidui), and striving to change this trait in your heart. This also includes apologizing and making amends (if you have harmed anyone due to this trait).

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong resolve, and reliance on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "defensiveness against criticism or advice" and live a life based on humility, continuous learning, healthy and constructive relationships, and spiritual growth, which will benefit both the individual and society.

Refraining from Apology or Expressing Regret

Alright, let's carefully examine the topic of "הִמָּנְעוּת מִבַּקָּשַׁת סְלִיחָה אוֹ הַבָּעַת צַעַר (Himmanut MiBakashat Slichah O Hava'at Tza'ar - Refraining from Apology or Expressing Regret)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) across various Jewish sources. This trait is one of the most destructive manifestations of pride, as it directly impacts human relationships and an individual's capacity for repentance. Afterwards, we will also explore ways to overcome it.

הִמָּנְעוּת מִבַּקָּשַׁת סְלִיחָה אוֹ הַבָּעַת צַעַר (Refraining from Apology or Expressing Regret): A Barrier to Repair and Repentance

Refraining from apology or expressing regret means an individual's inability to take responsibility for their actions, admit to harming others, and express remorse and regret. This trait has deep roots in גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride) and הַרְגָּשַׁת צֶדֶק עַצְמִי (Hargashat Tzedek Atzmi - Self-righteousness). An arrogant person views an apology as a sign of weakness, a tarnishing of reputation, or a loss of control, whereas in reality, an apology is a courageous act and a sign of inner strength.

In Judaism, Teshuvah (תְּשׁוּבָה - Repentance), which includes returning to HaShem and repairing relationships with people, is a vital principle. Repentance for sins committed between a person and another person (בין אדם לחברו - Bein Adam LeChavero) requires בקשת סליחה (Bakashat Slichah - asking for forgiveness) from the injured party. Without this step, Teshuvah is incomplete. HaShem only forgives sins between a person and another person when the injured party has forgiven the offender. Therefore, refraining from apologizing not only destroys human relationships but also prevents atonement for sin before HaShem.

The roots of this trait lie in the fear of weakness (פחד מחולשה), fear of being judged (פחד משיפוט), inner insecurity (חוסר ביטחון פנימי) (the belief that apologizing means being worthless), the need to maintain power or an infallible appearance (צורך לשמור על כוח או חזות בלתי מושלמת), and a lack of empathy (חוסר אמפתיה) for the suffering of others. This trait not only harms the individual but also leads to the destruction of relationships (הרס יחסים), increased resentment (הגברת טינה), and a widening gap between people (הגדלת פערים בין אנשים).

Why is הִמָּנְעוּת מִבַּקָּשַׁת סְלִיחָה אוֹ הַבָּעַת צַעַר Problematic?

1. Prevents Repentance and Atonement for Sin: For "בין אדם לחברו" sins, without the forgiveness of the injured party, repentance is incomplete and HaShem does not forgive the sin.
2. Destroys Human Relationships: The lack of apology leads to resentment, distrust, and ultimately the severing of relationships.
3. Repeats Mistakes: If a person does not take responsibility for their actions, they do not learn from them and are likely to repeat them.
4. Reduces True Credibility and Self-Esteem: In the short term, not apologizing may seem to indicate strength, but in the long run, it destroys a person's credibility and damages their innermost self-esteem.
5. Creates a Wall Between the Individual and HaShem: The inability to apologize to others indicates a defect in understanding the concept of repentance and connection with HaShem.
6. Damages the Individual's Character: This behavior traps the individual in a cycle of denial, sin, and isolation.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • במדבר (Bamidbar - Numbers) 5:6-7: "דַּבֵּר אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל אִישׁ אוֹ אִשָּׁה כִּי יַעֲשׂוּ מִכָּל חַטֹּאת הָאָדָם לִמְעֹל מַעַל בַּיהוָה וְאָשְׁמָה הַנֶּפֶשׁ הַהִיא׃ וְהִתְוַדּוּ אֶת חַטָּאתָם אֲשֶׁר עָשׂוּ וְהֵשִׁיב אֶת אֲשָׁמוֹ בְּרֹאשׁוֹ וַחֲמִישִׁיתוֹ עָלָיו וְנָתַן לַאֲשֶׁר אָשַׁם לוֹ׃" ("Dabber el Bnei Yisrael ish o isha ki ya'asu mikol chatot ha'adam lim'ol ma'al ba'Hashem ve'ashmah ha'nefesh ha'hi: Ve'hitvaddu et chattatam asher asu ve'heshiv et ashamo be'rosho va'chamishito alav ve'natan la'asher asham lo.") - "Speak to the children of Israel: When a man or woman commits any sin against humanity, thereby being unfaithful to HaShem, and that person is guilty, they shall confess their sin which they have committed, and they shall make full restitution for their guilt, with an added fifth, and give it to him whom they have wronged." This verse is the foundation of the concept of restitution and confession of sin in human relationships, which is a prerequisite for apology.
  • ויקרא (Vayikra - Leviticus) 5:21-26 (Sins of Theft and Betrayal): This section of the Torah emphasizes the necessity of making restitution (שילום) and adding one-fifth to it, as well as bringing a sacrifice. Although it does not directly refer to "verbal apology," restitution is a tangible step of remorse and acceptance of wrongdoing.
  • The Story of Joseph and His Brothers (בראשית 37-50): Although Joseph did not seek revenge, his brothers regretted their sin for years, and eventually, Joseph forgave them. This story shows how restitution (though they could not apologize directly, they showed remorse and an attempt to save Benjamin) and forgiveness can repair relationships.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im uKetuvim):

  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 28:13: "מְכַסֶּה פְּשָׁעָיו לֹא יַצְלִיחַ וּמוֹדֶה וְעֹזֵב יְרֻחָם׃" ("Mechasseh pesha'av lo yatzliach u'modeh ve'ozev yerucham.") - "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy." This verse directly emphasizes the importance of confessing sin and repenting to receive divine mercy. Not apologizing is concealing a sin.
  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 32:5: "חַטָּאתִי אוֹדִיעֲךָ וַעֲוֹנִי לֹא כִסִּיתִי אָמַרְתִּי אוֹדֶה עֲלֵי פְשָׁעַי לַיהוָה וְאַתָּה נָשָׂאתָ נֶשָׂא עֲוֹן חַטָּאתִי סֶלָה׃" ("Chatati odi'acha va'avoni lo kissiti amarti odeh alei pesha'ai la'HaShem ve'attah nasata nesa avon chattati selah.") - "I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to HaShem,' and You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah." King David demonstrates the importance of confessing and revealing sin.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • יומא (Yoma) 8:9: "עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַמָּקוֹם יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפֵּר, עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ אֵין יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפֵּר עַד שֶׁיְּרַצֶּה אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ." (Sins between a person and HaShem are atoned for by Yom Kippur. Sins between a person and their friend are not atoned for by Yom Kippur until [the offender] appeases their friend.) This Mishnah is a cornerstone of the importance of apologizing to others and shows that without it, even Yom Kippur cannot atone for the sin.
  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:1: "איזהו גיבור? הכובש את יצרו." (Who is mighty? He who conquers his evil inclination [יצר].) Overcoming pride to apologize is a heroic act.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי יומא (Bavli Yoma) 87a-b: The Talmud discusses in detail how to ask forgiveness from someone we have harmed. This includes repeating the request for forgiveness (up to three times) and even bringing friends to help persuade the injured party to forgive. This demonstrates the immense importance of apology in Judaism.
  • בבלי בבא קמא (Bavli Bava Kamma) 92a: "כל המבייש את חברו ברבים, כאילו שופך דמים." (Whoever shames his friend in public, it is as if he shed blood.) This expresses the severity of shaming others and highlights the necessity of apology and restitution.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the concept of "צניעות" (Tzniut - Humility) and "שפלות רוח" (Shefal Ruach - Humility of Spirit) which contrast with pride and enable a person to apologize.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות תשובה (Hilchot Teshuvah - Laws of Repentance) 2:8-9: Rambam extensively discusses the laws of repentance for "בין אדם לחברו" sins, emphasizing that the sinner must personally go to the injured party, make restitution (if necessary), and ask for forgiveness. He even states that if the injured party does not forgive, forgiveness should be sought up to three times.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 606:1: Emphasizes the importance of repentance and forgiveness for sins between a person and another person before Yom Kippur.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal, in the chapters on "נקיות" (Nekiyut - Purity) and "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility), discusses the importance of cleansing the heart from pride, which prevents admitting mistakes and apologizing. He emphasizes that a person must constantly engage in self-examination and correct their relationships with others.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הכניעה" (The Gate of Humility), explains that a person must view themselves as imperfect and needy before HaShem and others. This perspective fosters the inclination to apologize.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar book specifically addresses the chapter on "הגאווה" (Pride) and considers refraining from apology to be one of the worst manifestations of pride, as it hinders repentance and repair.
  • חפץ חיים (Chafetz Chaim) in "שמירת הלשון" (Shmirat HaLashon - Guarding the Tongue): He emphasizes the importance of making restitution and seeking forgiveness for sins of speech, as these sins often cause deep damage to relationships.

Common Examples of הִמָּנְעוּת מִבַּקָּשַׁת סְלִיחָה אוֹ הַבָּעַת צַעַר:

• In Personal/Family Relationships:
  • A spouse who, after an argument, never apologizes despite being at fault, expecting the other party to initiate reconciliation.
  • Parents who never apologize to their children for parenting mistakes or misbehavior, fearing it will undermine their authority.
  • A friend who constantly insults or disregards others but never expresses regret, thus damaging relationships.
• In the Workplace:
  • A manager who, after a wrong decision leading to losses, refuses to accept responsibility and apologize to the team or clients.
  • An employee who damages a project through their mistake, but instead of apologizing, tries to hide or justify their actions.
• In Society:
  • A social or religious leader who, after a public mistake, due to pride, refuses to apologize to the community they represent.
  • A politician who, after a lie or wrongdoing, refuses to admit and apologize.

Ways to Overcome הִמָּנְעוּת מִבַּקָּשַׁת סְלִיחָה אוֹ הַבָּעַת צַעַר:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (humility), אֱמֶת (truthfulness), חֶסֶד (kindness), and אחריות (responsibility).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and Its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that not apologizing prevents atonement for your sin before HaShem and the repair of relationships.
   • Reflecting on the Harm to Others: Focus on the pain your actions have caused others. Empathy with the injured party breaks pride.
   • Awareness of Inner Consequences: Understand that pride and lack of apology place a heavy burden on your soul and prevent inner peace.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focusing on HaShem's Greatness: Reflect on the infinite greatness of HaShem and the truth that He desires us to forgive each other and learn from our mistakes.
   • Accepting Human Limitations: Accept the truth that making mistakes and needing forgiveness is a natural part of being human and does not indicate weakness.
   • Understanding True Strength: Understand that true strength lies in the courage to admit mistakes and the humility to apologize, not in maintaining a flawless facade.
   • Trusting in HaShem: Know that HaShem is with the humble and will help you.
3. Cultivating Positive Character Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה): This is the most important antidote:
     • Honest Self-Examination (חשבון נפש): Regularly review your actions and identify any harm you have caused others.
     • Full Responsibility: Take full responsibility for your actions without justification or blaming others.
     • Readiness to Apologize: Prepare yourself to apologize. Practice saying "I'm sorry" or "Please forgive me."
     • Practicing Empathy: Try to put yourself in the shoes of the injured party and understand their suffering.
     • Timely and Sincere Apology: As soon as you realize your mistake, apologize promptly. The apology must be heartfelt and include accepting responsibility and expressing genuine regret, not justification.
     • Making Amends (השבת גזילה / תיקון): If you have caused material or spiritual harm to someone, strive to make restitution.
     • "התרת נדרים" (Forgiving oneself and others): Understand that forgiving yourself and others is essential for releasing the burden of pride.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you understand the roots of this trait and provide spiritual and practical solutions.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, self-honesty, and overcoming pride and the inability to apologize.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Repentance): Sincere repentance includes deep remorse for past failures to apologize, confession to HaShem (וִידּוּי - Viduy), and striving to change this trait in your heart. This also includes apologizing and making restitution (if you have harmed someone due to this trait). For "בין אדם לחברו" sins, this repentance must begin with asking for forgiveness from the injured party.

By continuously practicing these solutions, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "refraining from apology or expressing regret" and live a life based on humility, honesty, relationship repair, and spiritual growth, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Concealing One's Faults and Sins to Maintain Appearance

הַסְתָּרַת חֶסְרוֹנוֹת וַעֲבֵירוֹת לְשֵׁם שְׁמִירַת תְּמוּנָה (Concealing One's Faults and Sins to Maintain Appearance): A Veil of Arrogance Over Truth

Concealing one's faults and sins to maintain appearance refers to a state of arrogance where an individual, out of fear of losing social standing, respect, or the perception others have of them, intentionally hides their mistakes, moral imperfections, or sins and refuses to acknowledge them. This behavior is a highly dangerous and destructive form of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - arrogance/pride) and צביעות (Tzvi'ut - hypocrisy). In this state, instead of sincerely and humbly working towards self-correction and repenting to HaShem, the individual ensnares themselves in hypocrisy and duplicity by maintaining a deceptive facade. This trait not only hinders spiritual growth but can also lead to greater downfalls.

In Judaism, there is a strong emphasis on the importance of אֱמֶת (Emet - truth), כנות (K'nut - honesty/sincerity), and תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - repentance). Concealing sins directly contradicts these principles. True repentance requires confession and remorse, while this trait keeps an individual away from these vital steps. HaShem looks at the human heart and intention, and attempts to deceive others do not deceive HaShem.

This trait can lead to שקר (Sheker - lying), חוסר התפתחות רוחנית (Choser Hitpatchut Ruchanit - lack of spiritual development), בדידות (B'didut - loneliness), and חוסר יכולת לבקש עזרה (Choser Yecholot Levakesh Ezrah - inability to ask for help). Most importantly, it can lead to חִלּוּל הַשֵּׁם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of God's Name), because an individual who considers themselves religious or a role model, through this hypocritical behavior and concealment, presents a false and destructive image of religiosity, causing people to distance themselves from HaShem and the Torah.

Why is הַסְתָּרַת חֶסְרוֹנוֹת וַעֲבֵירוֹת לְשֵׁם שְׁמִירַת תְּמוּנָה problematic?

1. Hindrance to Repentance and Growth: Confession and acceptance of sin are the first steps towards repentance and correction. Concealing them blocks this path.
2. Hypocrisy and Lying: The essence of this behavior is deceiving others and self-deception.
3. Erosion of Trust: If the truth is revealed, others' trust in the individual will be severely damaged.
4. Risk of Greater Downfall: Hiding sins can lead to their repetition and the commission of greater sins.
5. Creation of Anxiety and Stress: Living with the fear of the truth being exposed imposes a significant psychological burden on the individual.
6. חילול השם (Desecration of God's Name): This is the most dangerous consequence, especially if the individual holds a high religious or social position.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • במדבר (Bamidbar - Numbers) 32:23: "וְאִם לֹא תַעֲשׂוּן כֵּן הִנֵּה חֲטָאתֶם לַיהוָה וִידַעְתֶּם חַטַּאתְכֶם אֲשֶׁר תִּמְצָא אֶתְכֶם׃" ("Ve'im lo ta'asun ken hinneh chatatem la'HaShem v'yeda'tem chatatchem asher timtza etchem.") - "But if you do not do so, behold, you have sinned against HaShem, and be sure your sin will find you out." This verse indicates that hidden sins will also be revealed and have consequences.
  • ויקרא (Vayikra - Leviticus) 5:1: "וְנֶפֶשׁ כִּי תֶחֱטָא וְשָׁמְעָה קוֹל אָלָה וְהוּא עֵד אוֹ רָאָה אוֹ יָדָע אִם לוֹא יַגִּיד וְנָשָׂא עֲוֹנוֹ׃" ("Ve'nefesh ki techeta ve'shama'ah kol alah ve'hu ed o ra'ah o yada im lo yagid ve'nasa avono.") - "And if a person sins, and hears the voice of adjuration, being a witness, whether he has seen or known of it; if he does not utter it, then he shall bear his iniquity." This verse emphasizes the responsibility to confess and testify to the truth, condemning concealment.
  • שמות (Shemot - Exodus) 23:7: "מִדְּבַר שֶׁקֶר תִּרְחָק..." ("Mi'devar sheker tirchak...") - "Keep far from a false matter..." Concealing sins to maintain appearance is a form of practical lying.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im u'Ketuvim - Prophets and Writings):

  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 28:13: "מְכַסֶּה פְשָׁעָיו לֹא יַצְלִיחַ וּמוֹדֶה וְעֹזֵב יְרֻחָם׃" ("Mechasseh fesha'av lo yatzliach u'modeh ve'ozev yerucham.") - "He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy." This verse directly addresses the danger of hiding sin and the reward of honest confession.
  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 32:3-5: "כִּי הֶחֱרַשְׁתִּי בָּלוּ עֲצָמָי בְּשַׁאֲגָתִי כָּל הַיּוֹם׃ ... חַטָּאתִי אוֹדִיעֲךָ וַעֲוֹנִי לֹא כִסִּיתִי אָמַרְתִּי אוֹדֶה עֲלֵי פְשָׁעַי לַיהוָה וְאַתָּה נָשָׂאתָ נֶשַׂע עֲוֹנִי סֶלָה׃" ("Ki hecherashti valu atzamai be'sha'agati kol ha'yom. ... Chatati odi'acha va'avoni lo kissiti amarti odeh alei feshai la'HaShem ve'atah nasata nesha avoni selah.") - "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. ... I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to HaShem,' and You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah." These psalms express David's personal experience of the burden of hidden sins and the liberation through honest confession and repentance.
  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 2:22: "כִּי אִם תְּכַבְּסִי בַּנֶּתֶר וְתַרְבִּי לָךְ בֹּרִית נִכְתָּם עֲוֹנֵךְ לְפָנַי נְאֻם אֲדֹנָי יְהוָה׃" ("Ki im techabsi ba'neter ve'tarbi lach borit nikhtam avonech lefanai ne'um Adonai HaShem.") - "For though you wash yourself with nitre (a cleansing agent) and use much soap, yet your iniquity is marked before Me, declares HaShem God Almighty." This verse indicates that superficial attempts to "wash away" sin without genuine repentance are futile.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.) Hiding weaknesses to maintain appearance is a form of self-deception and arrogance.
  • פרקי אבות 3:10: "כל שרוח הבריות נוחה הימנו, רוח המקום נוחה הימנו. וכל שאין רוח הבריות נוחה הימנו, אין רוח המקום נוחה הימנו." (As previously mentioned) - Hypocrisy and dishonesty lead to displeasure from people and HaShem.
  • יומא (Yoma) 8:9: "עֲבֵירוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַמָּקוֹם, יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפֵּר. עֲבֵירוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ, אֵין יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפֵּר, עַד שֶׁיְּרַצֶּה אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ." ("Aveirot she'bein Adam la'Makom, Yom HaKippurim mekhaper. Aveirot she'bein Adam la'chaveiro, ein Yom HaKippurim mekhaper, ad she'yeratzeh et chaveiro.") - "Transgressions between a person and HaShem, Yom Kippur atones. Transgressions between a person and their fellow, Yom Kippur does not atone, until they appease their fellow." This Mishnah emphasizes the need for confession and restitution for sins against others. Hiding weaknesses prevents this restitution.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי יומא (Bavli Yoma) 86a: "אמר רב יהודה אמר רב: כל המתכבד בקלון חברו, אין לו חלק לעולם הבא." (Rav Yehudah said in the name of Rav: Anyone who gains honor through the disgrace of their fellow has no share in the World to Come.) Although this statement does not directly refer to concealment, its context (gaining honor through others) is related. Maintaining appearance by hiding sins is a self-deception that does not lead to true honor.
  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (As previously mentioned) - The attempt to maintain appearance at all costs is a sign of "גסות רוח" (arrogant spirit).
  • The Talmud refers to the importance of "כבוד הבריות" (Kavod HaBriyot - respect for creations/people). However, this respect should not come at the cost of lying and concealment. An "אדם חשוב" (important person) is one who is honest, not one who maintains a facade.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות תשובה (Hilchot Teshuva - Laws of Repentance) 2:5: Rambam emphasizes that true repentance involves "וידוי דברים" (verbal confession). Concealing sins prevents this vital stage of repentance.
  • רמב"ם, הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers arrogance a "מידה רעה מאוד" (very bad trait), and concealment to maintain appearance stems from this root of arrogance.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 607:2: Regarding the importance of repentance on Yom Kippur. Concealing sins prevents full and honest repentance.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal, in the chapters on "זהירות" (Hazehirut - Watchfulness/Carefulness) and "פרישות" (P'rishut - Abstinence/Separation), addresses the dangers of arrogance and hypocrisy. He emphasizes that one must correct oneself internally, not just externally. Fear of disgrace and ignoring sins is a sign of a lack of true "זהירות."
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הבוחן" (Gate of Self-Examination) and "שער התשובה" (Gate of Repentance), emphasizes the importance of honesty with HaShem and oneself. Concealing sins is self-deception and dishonesty.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar work specifically addresses the chapter on "הגאווה" (Arrogance) and "האמת" (Truth) and considers hypocrisy (צביעות) one of the greatest obstacles to piety.
  • חاخام משה חיים לוצאטו (Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto - Ramchal): In his writings, he emphasizes that "האמת היא חותמו של הקב"ה" (Truth is the seal of the Holy One, Blessed Be He). Living a life based on lies and concealment is moving away from HaShem.

Common Examples of הַסְתָּרַת חֶסְרוֹנוֹת וַעֲבֵירוֹת לְשֵׁם שְׁמִירַת תְּמוּנָה:

• In Religious Matters:
  • A rabbi who, due to a sin committed, refuses to confess and publicly repent to maintain his position and falsely pretends to be pious.
  • A religious individual who secretly commits sins but publicly feigns piety and strict observance of מצוות (Mitzvot - commandments).
  • A person who is lax in Torah study but pretends to have extensive knowledge, avoiding deep questions to prevent their ignorance from being exposed.
• In Professional/Social Matters:
  • A manager who attributes their mistakes to subordinates or external circumstances to evade responsibility and maintain their image.
  • An individual with significant debt who continues to live a luxurious lifestyle to maintain a wealthy appearance, hiding the reality from others.
• In Personal Relationships:
  • An individual who lies to their spouse or friends to hide their mistakes and avoid judgment or disapproval.
  • Parents who, to preserve family "honor," refuse to admit to their children's problems or shortcomings.

Ways to Overcome הַסְתָּרַת חֶסְרוֹנוֹת וַעֲבֵירוֹת לְשֵׁם שְׁמִירַת תְּמוּנָה:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate אֱמֶת (truthfulness), עֲנָוָה (true humility), אחריות אישית (personal responsibility), and בִּטָּחוֹן (trust in HaShem).

1. Understanding the Depth of Sin and Its Consequences:
   • Grasping the Danger of Hypocrisy: Deeply understand that hiding sins does not eliminate them; rather, it makes them heavier and more ingrained, preventing true repentance.
   • Reflecting on the Harm to the Soul: Understand that this behavior distances you from inner honesty and leads to a double and restless personality.
   • Awareness of חילול השם: Recognize that this trait devalues HaShem's Name and religion, especially if you hold an important position.
   • Accepting HaShem's Truth About Yourself: You are exposed before HaShem, and He knows everything. Trying to deceive Him is meaningless.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and וְעֲנָוָה (True Humility):
   • Focusing on HaShem as the Sole Judge: Remember that only HaShem knows intentions and sees your actions. His satisfaction is more important than human perception.
   • Accepting Human Imperfections: Every human makes mistakes. Excessive perfectionism and fear of mistakes are themselves forms of arrogance.
   • Seeing Yourself as a Servant of HaShem: All your abilities and virtues are a gift from HaShem. Your weaknesses and sins are also part of your growth journey, which you must address honestly.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Be grateful to HaShem even for the opportunity to repent and rectify mistakes.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Honesty (אֱמֶת) and Compassion (חֶמְלָה) with Yourself:
     • Self-Examination (חשבון נפש): Regularly and honestly look within yourself and identify your weaknesses and sins.
     • Full Acceptance of Responsibility: Take responsibility for all your actions and choices, without justification or blaming others.
     • Confession (וידוי): Confess your sins privately (before HaShem) or, if necessary (for sins between people), to the injured party.
     • Abandoning Sin (עזיבת החטא): Remorse and abandoning sins are essential parts of repentance.
     • Rectification and Restitution (קבלת לעתיד): If your sin has harmed someone, make amends.
     • Reminder: Whenever a person hides a sin, they harm themselves. But whenever they confess, they not only free themselves from its burden but also take a step on the path of repentance and growth.
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Avoiding Negative Perfectionism: Understand that no one is perfect, and striving to maintain a flawless image is a sign of arrogance.
     • Readiness to Learn from Mistakes: See mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.
   • Trust (בִּטָּחוֹן): Trust in HaShem that He has opened the path of repentance for you and will deal with you with grace and forgiveness.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of Jewish teachings on repentance, humility, and honesty.
   • Mussar Study: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, combating arrogance, and the importance of honesty and repentance.
   • תְּפִלָּה (Tefillah - Prayer): Speak to HaShem about your fears and hidden sins and ask for His help to live with honesty and humility.
   • Psychological Counseling: If the fear of judgment or the need to conceal for image maintenance has reached a point where it affects your mental health, seeking help from a psychologist or therapist can be very beneficial.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "concealing one's faults and sins to maintain appearance" and live a life based on honesty, true humility, responsibility, and genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, both materially and spiritually.

Minimizing or Exaggerating One's Flaws (for Attention or to Evade Responsibility)

הַקְטָנָה אוֹ הַגְדָּלַת חֶסְרוֹנוֹת בִּגְלַל גַּאֲוָה (Minimizing or Exaggerating One's Flaws Due to Pride): Playing with Truth

Minimizing or exaggerating one's flaws (for attention or to evade responsibility) refers to a state of pride where an individual, instead of realistically accepting their weaknesses, either downplays them (minimization) or excessively magnifies them (exaggeration). Both of these behaviors stem from גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride/arrogance) and חוסר אמת (Choser Emet - lack of truthfulness), and are a main impediment to תיקון המידות (Tikun HaMidot - rectification of character traits) and spiritual growth.

1. Minimizing Flaws (הַקְטָנָה): In this state, to maintain face and avoid taking responsibility, an individual sees their mistakes, shortcomings, or sins as insignificant, unimportant, or justifiable. They might say: "It was a small mistake," "Everyone does it," or "My circumstances were different." This behavior is an attempt to avoid repentance, correction, and facing the reality of their imperfections.
2. Exaggerating Flaws (הַגְדָּלָה): In this state, an individual highlights their weaknesses excessively. This might be done to gain sympathy, make excuses for not fulfilling a duty, or create an image of "false humility" (which we discussed in previous sections). They might say: "I am completely useless," "I can never get it right," or "I am so bad that there is no hope for me." This behavior is also, on the one hand, an excuse for inaction and irresponsibility, and on the other hand, can be a form of negative attention-seeking rooted in self-centeredness.

Both of these behaviors are a distortion of truth that prevents growth, responsibility, and genuine תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - repentance). HaShem desires honesty from us, with ourselves and with Him, not playing with reality to preserve pride. This trait can lead to עצלות רוחנית (Atzlat Ruchanit - spiritual laziness), חוסר התקדמות (Choser Hitkadmut - lack of progress), שקר (Sheker - falsehood), and חוסר בטחון (Choser Bitachon - lack of trust/reliance). Most importantly, it can lead to חִלּוּל הַשֵּׁם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of HaShem's Name), because an individual who considers themselves religious, through this inner dishonesty, presents a negative image of religiosity.

Why is הַקְטָנָה אוֹ הַגְדָּלַת חֶסְרוֹנוֹת בִּגְלַל גַּאֲוָה problematic?

1. Distortion of Truth (חוסר אמת): The basis of this behavior is a lack of honesty with oneself and with HaShem.
2. Impedes Repentance and Correction: Truly acknowledging one's weaknesses is the first step towards repentance and efforts to improve. This behavior blocks that path.
3. Denial of Responsibility: Both forms of this behavior are ways to evade personal responsibility for one's actions and traits.
4. Spiritual Stagnation: When an individual is not honest about their imperfections, they lack the motivation to grow and change.
5. Erosion of Trust: If this dishonesty is revealed, others' trust in the individual is severely damaged.
6. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): Hypocritical or lax behavior by a religious individual can cause others to become cynical about religion.

Relevant Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • במדבר (Bamidbar - Numbers) 32:23: "וְאִם לֹא תַעֲשׂוּן כֵּן הִנֵּה חֲטָאתֶם לַיהוָה וִידַעְתֶּם חַטַּאתְכֶם אֲשֶׁר תִּמְצָא אֶתְכֶם׃" ("Ve'im lo ta'asun ken hinneh chatatem la'HaShem v'yeda'tem chatatchem asher timtza etchem.") - "But if you do not do so, behold, you have sinned against HaShem, and you may be sure that your sin will find you out." This verse suggests that sins (whether minimized or exaggerated as an excuse) will be revealed and have their consequences.
  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 6:18: "וְעָשִׂיתָ הַיָּשָׁר וְהַטּוֹב בְּעֵינֵי יְהוָה..." ("Ve'asita ha'yashar ve'ha'tov be'einei HaShem...") - "And you shall do what is right and good in the eyes of HaShem..." Honesty and truthfulness about oneself are "right and good" in HaShem's eyes, while distorting reality is contrary to it.
  • Story of Adam and Eve (בראשית 3): After sinning, both tried to justify themselves and blame others (Eve blamed the woman, and the woman blamed the serpent). This indicates humanity's initial tendency to evade responsibility and not fully admit guilt.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im and Ketuvim):

  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 28:13: "מְכַסֶּה פְשָׁעָיו לֹא יַצְלִיחַ וּמוֹדֶה וְעֹזֵב יְרֻחָם׃" ("Mechasseh fesha'av lo yatzliach u'modeh ve'ozev yerucham.") - "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy." This verse directly contradicts minimizing one's flaws.
  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 32:3-5: (As previously mentioned) emphasizes the heavy burden of hidden sins and the release through honest confession. This applies to both minimizing and exaggerating forms.
  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 17:9: "עָקֹב הַלֵּב מִכֹּל וְאָנֻשׁ הוּא מִי יֵדָעֶנּוּ׃" ("Akov ha'lev mikol ve'anush hu mi yed'enu.") - "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" This verse points to the complexity and hiddenness of the human heart, which can deceive itself even about its weaknesses.
  • Job 33:27-28: "יָשׁוּר עַל אֲנָשִׁים וַיֹּאמֶר חָטָאתִי וְעָוִיתִי וְלֹא שָׁוָה לִי׃ יִפְדֶּה נַפְשִׁי מֵעֲבוֹר בַּשָּׁחַת וְחַיָּתִי בָּאוֹר תִּרְאֶה׃" ("Yashur al anashim va'yomar chatati ve'aviti ve'lo shava li. Yifdeh nafshi me'avor ba'shachat ve'chayati ba'or tir'eh.") - "[One who] looks among men and says: 'I have sinned and done wrong, and it profited me nothing. He will redeem my soul from passing into the Pit, and my life will see the light.'" This verse emphasizes confession and honesty regarding sin.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.) This includes deceiving oneself about weaknesses.
  • פרקי אבות 3:1: "הסתכל בשלושה דברים ואי אתה בא לידי עבירה: דע מה למעלה ממך: עין רואה ואוזן שומעת וכל מעשיך בספר נכתבים." (Look at three things and you will not come to sin: Know what is above you: a seeing eye, a hearing ear, and all your deeds are written in a book.) This teaching emphasizes inner honesty and understanding HaShem's presence, leaving no room for distorting reality.
  • פרקי אבות 4:3: "אל תבז לכל אדם ואל תהי מפליג לכל דבר, שאין לך אדם שאין לו שעה ואין לך דבר שאין לו מקום." (Do not despise any person and do not exaggerate anything, for there is no person who does not have his hour [of importance] and no thing that does not have its place [of importance].) This includes oneself; neither despise your weaknesses nor exaggerate them.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (As previously mentioned) - Both forms of distorting weaknesses are a sign of "גסות רוח" (arrogant spirit).
  • בבלי יומא (Bavli Yoma) 86a: "מדה טובה מרובה ממדת פורענות" (HaShem's measure of goodness is greater than the measure of punishment). This should not be an excuse to minimize sins.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "חשבון נפש" (Cheshbon Nefesh - self-reckoning/soul-accounting), which requires an honest look at one's strengths and weaknesses.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות תשובה (Hilchot Teshuva - Laws of Repentance) 2:5: Rambam emphasizes that true repentance includes "וידוי דברים" (verbal confession). This confession must be honest and realistic.
  • רמב"ם, הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride "מידה רעה מאוד" (a very bad trait). Distorting weaknesses to save face is a type of pride.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): The Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto) in the chapters on "זהירות" (Hazehirut - Vigilance), "נקיות" (Nekiyot - Purity), and "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility) extensively discusses the importance of self-knowledge and inner honesty. He warns that the soul can deceive a person into minimizing or exaggerating their sins.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda in "שער הבוחן" (Gate of Examination) and "שער התשובה" (Gate of Repentance) emphasizes the importance of complete honesty with HaShem and oneself. He explains that a person must know themselves completely, not just superficially.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar work specifically addresses the chapters on "הגאווה" (Pride) and "השקר" (Falsehood), explaining how pride can lead to inner dishonesty.
  • רבי נחמן מברסלב (Rabbi Nachman of Breslov): Despite his emphasis on never despairing, he also stressed the necessity of "לשבור את הגאווה" (breaking pride) through a realistic self-assessment. He said: "אין ייאוש בעולם כלל" (there is no despair in the world at all), but this does not mean denying one's weaknesses.

Common Examples of הַקְטָנָה אוֹ הַגְדָּלַת חֶסְרוֹנוֹת:

• Minimizing Flaws:
  • A student who cheated on an exam tells themselves: "It was just one question, it doesn't matter, everyone does it."
  • An individual who gossips about others, but thinks: "It was just a harmless joke, I didn't mean any harm."
  • A manager who caused a project to fail, but instead of taking full responsibility, blames "market conditions" or "lack of budget" and downplays their own role.
• Exaggerating Flaws:
  • An individual who made a small mistake, but calls themselves "completely worthless" or "incapable of ever getting it right" to gain sympathy or avoid trying harder.
  • A student who received a bad grade, but says: "I'm completely stupid, I'll never learn anything" to avoid studying more.
  • Someone who makes excuses for a small task, saying: "I'm so exhausted I can't breathe" to shirk responsibility.
  • An individual who, due to a minor physical imperfection, excessively sees themselves as "ugly" or "flawed," and seeks attention and pity through this.

Ways to Overcome הַקְטָנָה אוֹ הַגְדָּלַת חֶסְרוֹנוֹת:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate אֱמֶת (truthfulness), עֲנָוָה (true humility), אחריות אישית (personal responsibility), and אמונה (faith) in HaShem.

1. Understanding the Depth of Sin and Its Consequences:
   • Recognize the Danger of Dishonesty: Deeply understand that both forms of distorting weaknesses are a type of lying to oneself and to HaShem, and they prevent repentance and correction.
   • Reflect on the Damage to the Soul: Understand that this behavior hinders your spiritual growth and leads to a dual and restless personality.
   • Be Aware of Chilul HaShem: Recognize that this trait diminishes the name of HaShem and religion.
   • Accept HaShem's Truth About Yourself: You are bare before HaShem, and He knows everything. Trying to deceive Him is meaningless.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Fear of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and וְעֲנָוָה (True Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem as the Sole Judge: Remember that only HaShem knows intentions and sees your actions. His approval is more important than human perception.
   • Accept Human Imperfections: Every human makes mistakes and has weaknesses. Excessive perfectionism (which can lead to minimization) and excessive despair (which can lead to exaggeration) are both forms of pride.
   • See Yourself as HaShem's Servant: All your abilities and virtues are a gift from HaShem. Your weaknesses and sins are also part of your growth journey that you must deal with honestly.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Be grateful to HaShem even for the opportunity to repent and rectify mistakes.
3. Cultivating Positive Character Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Honesty (אֱמֶת) and Compassion (חֶמְלָה) with Oneself:
     • Realistic Self-Examination (חשבון נפש): Regularly and honestly look within yourself and identify your weaknesses and sins, without exaggerating or minimizing them.
     • Accept Full Responsibility: Take responsibility for all your actions and choices, without justification or blaming others.
     • Action Instead of Excuses: Instead of focusing on weaknesses or exaggerating them to evade, focus on the necessary actions to improve or compensate.
     • Focus on HaShem's Abilities Within You: Understand that HaShem has placed the power of change and growth within you.
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Accepting that you are human: No one is perfect. Accepting your imperfections is a sign of humility.
     • Asking for Help: If you need help to overcome a weakness, humbly ask others for assistance.
   • בטחון (Trust): Trust in HaShem that He will give you the strength and ability to see them realistically and correct them.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consult with a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Guide): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of Jewish teachings on repentance, humility, and honesty.
   • Mussar Study: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, combating pride, and the importance of honesty and repentance.
   • תְּפִלָּה (Tefillah - Prayer): Speak with HaShem about your imperfections and weaknesses and ask Him to grant you the strength and ability to see them realistically and correct them.
   • Psychological Counseling: If the tendency to minimize or exaggerate flaws has become a deeper pattern and negatively impacts your life, seeking help from a psychologist or therapist can be very beneficial.

By consistently practicing these strategies, with strong will, and relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "minimizing or exaggerating one's flaws" and live a life based on honesty, true humility, responsibility, and genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Discontentment with One's Own Creation or Appearance (Arising from Comparison and Envy)

Very well, we will carefully examine the topic of "חֹסֶר שְׂבִיעוּת רָצוֹן מֵהַבְּרִיאָה הָעַצְמִית אוֹ מֵהַמַּרְאֶה שֶׁלּוֹ (נוֹבֵעַ מֵהַשְׁוָאָה וְקִנְאָה) - Choser Sevi'ut Ratzon MehaBeriah HaAtzmit O MehaMar'eh Shelo (Novea Mehashva'ah VeKin'ah) - Discontentment with One's Own Creation or Appearance (Arising from Comparison and Envy)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) in various Jewish sources. Although this trait may not initially appear to stem from pride, it actually arises from a misunderstanding of one's place before HaShem and a lack of acceptance of divine will, which is itself a form of pride. We will then discuss ways to overcome it.

חֹסֶר שְׂבִיעוּת רָצוֹן מֵהַבְּרִיאָה הָעַצְמִית אוֹ מֵהַמַּרְאֶה שֶׁלּוֹ (Discontentment with One's Own Creation or Appearance): The Battle Against Divine Will

Discontentment with one's own creation or appearance (arising from comparison and envy) refers to a state of continuous dissatisfaction with one's physical characteristics, innate abilities, or even the individual destiny that HaShem has bestowed upon them. This dissatisfaction often begins with הַשְׁוָאָה (Hashva'ah - comparison) of oneself to others, leading to קִנְאָה (Kin'ah - envy) and חֶסְרָה (Chesra - longing/lack). In this state, instead of accepting and utilizing the blessings they possess, the individual focuses on what they lack or what they see in others that they themselves do not have. This feeling of discontentment stems from a subtle form of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride), as the individual is, in essence, opposing HaShem's creation and believing they could have been "created" better by HaShem or were deserving of something better than what was given to them.

In Judaism, the belief in הַשְׁגָּחָה פְּרָטִית (Hashgacha Pratit - Divine Providence over details) is fundamental. This means that HaShem, with His infinite wisdom, has created each person with a specific purpose and role, and has granted them precisely what they need to fulfill their mission. Objecting to one's creation or appearance means objecting to HaShem's providence and questioning His wisdom. This state indicates a lack of אֱמוּנָה (Emunah - faith) and בִּטָּחוֹן (Bitachon - trust) in HaShem.

This trait can lead to חוסר הכרת הטוב (Choser Hakarat HaTov - ingratitude) towards HaShem, sadness and depression (עצבות - Atzvut), social withdrawal (התבודדות חברתית), and in more severe cases, even destructive thoughts (מחשבות הרסניות) and attempts at extreme and unnatural changes to one's appearance. This condition hinders true joy and an individual's ability to serve HaShem and society with their whole being.

Why is חֹסֶר שְׂבִיעוּת רָצוֹן מֵהַבְּרִיאָה הָעַצְמִית אוֹ מֵהַמַּרְאֶה שֶׁלּוֹ Problematic?

1. Objection to HaShem's Will: This trait is, in a way, an objection to HaShem, who created the individual as they are.
2. Incompatibility with אמונה (Faith) and בטחון (Trust): It indicates a weakness of faith that HaShem has ordained the best for each individual.
3. Creation of Ingratitude (חוסר הכרת הטוב): Instead of being grateful for one's blessings, the individual focuses on what they lack.
4. Hindrance to True Joy and Inner Contentment: Focusing on comparison and longing prevents one from enjoying what they have.
5. Wasting Potential: Instead of using their unique abilities and appearance, the individual expends energy on dissatisfaction.
6. Destruction of Relationships: This discontentment can lead to envy towards others and social withdrawal.
7. חילול השם (Desecration of HaShem's Name): When a Jew is dissatisfied with their creation, it conveys the message that HaShem did not do His work properly, which is a great disrespect.

Relevant Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • בראשית (Bereishit - Genesis) 1:27: "וַיִּבְרָא אֱלֹהִים אֶת הָאָדָם בְּצַלְמוֹ בְּצֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים בָּרָא אֹתוֹ זָכָר וּנְקֵבָה בָּרָא אֹתָם׃" ("VaYivra Elohim et ha'adam be'tzalmo be'tzelem Elohim bara oto zachar u'nekevah bara otam.") - "So HaShem created man in His own image, in the image of HaShem He created him; male and female He created them." This foundational verse emphasizes that every human being, regardless of their appearance, is created in the "image of HaShem" and possesses inherent, divine worth. Dissatisfaction with oneself is a disregard for this truth.
  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 32:4: "הַצּוּר תָּמִים פָּעֳלוֹ כִּי כָל דְּרָכָיו מִשְׁפָּט אֵל אֱמוּנָה וְאֵין עָוֶל צַדִּיק וְיָשָׁר הוּא׃" ("HaTzur tamim pa'olo ki kol d'rachav mishpat El Emunah ve'ein avel Tzaddik ve'Yashar Hu.") - "The Rock [HaShem], His work is perfect, for all His ways are justice; a God of faithfulness and without iniquity, righteous and upright is He." This verse emphasizes the perfection and flawlessness of HaShem's creation. If His creation is perfect, then we, too, are perfect and sufficient as we were created.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im u'Ketuvim):

  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 139:14: "אוֹדְךָ עַל כִּי נוֹרָאוֹת נִפְלֵיתִי נִפְלָאִים מַעֲשֶׂיךָ וְנַפְשִׁי יֹדַעַת מְאֹד׃" ("Odecha al ki nora'ot nifleitai nifla'im ma'aseicha ve'nafshi yoda'at me'od.") - "I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well." This verse is a prime example of acceptance and gratitude for one's unique creation.
  • קהלת (Kohelet - Ecclesiastes) 3:11: "אֶת הַכֹּל עָשָׂה יָפֶה בְעִתּוֹ גַּם אֶת הָעֹלָם נָתַן בְּלִבָּם מִבְּלִי אֲשֶׁר לֹא יִמְצָא הָאָדָם אֶת הַמַּעֲשֶׂה אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה הָאֱלֹהִים מֵרֹאשׁ וְעַד סוֹף׃" ("Et ha'kol asah yafeh be'itto gam et ha'olam natan bi'libbam mib'li asher lo yimtza ha'adam et ha'ma'aseh asher asah HaElohim me'rosh ve'ad sof.") - "He has made everything beautiful in its time; also He has set eternity in their heart, yet so that man cannot find out the work that HaShem has done from the beginning to the end." This verse emphasizes the beauty and order in all of HaShem's creation.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 14:30: "חַיֵּי בְשָׂרִים לֵב מַרְפֵּא וּרְקַב עֲצָמוֹת קִנְאָה׃" ("Chayyei besarim lev marpeh u'rekav atzamot kin'ah.") - "A tranquil heart gives life to the body, but envy makes the bones rot." Longing and comparison lead to envy, which is destructive.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:1: "איזהו עשיר? השמח בחלקו." (Who is rich? One who is happy with their lot.) This Mishnah directly refers to the concept of contentment and satisfaction with what HaShem has given a person, which is in contrast to discontentment with oneself.
  • פרקי אבות 3:1: "עֲקַבְיָא בֶן מַהֲלַלְאֵל אוֹמֵר, הִסְתַּכֵּל בִּשְׁלֹשָׁה דְבָרִים וְאִי אַתָּה בָּא לִידֵי עֲבֵרָה: דַּע מֵאַיִן בָּאתָ, וּלְאָן אַתָּה הוֹלֵךְ, וְלִפְנֵי מִי אַתָּה עָתִיד לִתֵּן דִּין וְחֶשְׁבּוֹן." (Akavya ben Mahalalel says: Look at three things and you will not come to sin: Know from where you came, to where you are going, and before Whom you are destined to give an account.) Knowing that we are HaShem's creation and are to give an account before Him helps us put aside pride and dissatisfaction with our own creation.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סנהדרין (Bavli Sanhedrin) 38a: "לְפִיכָךְ נִבְרָא אָדָם יְחִידִי, לְלַמֶּדְךָ שֶׁכָּל הַמְקַיֵּם נֶפֶשׁ אַחַת מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל, כְּאִלּוּ קִיֵּם עוֹלָם מָלֵא... וּלְהַרְאוֹת גְּדֻלָּתוֹ שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, שֶׁאָדָם טוֹבֵעַ כַּמָּה מַטְבְּעוֹת בְּחוֹתָם אֶחָד, וְכֻלָּן דּוֹמִין זֶה לָזֶה, וּמֶלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא טָבַע כָּל אָדָם בְּחוֹתָמוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן, וְאֵין אֶחָד מֵהֶן דּוֹמֶה לַחֲבֵרוֹ. לְפִיכָךְ כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד חַיָּב לוֹמַר, בִּשְׁבִילִי נִבְרָא הָעוֹלָם." (Therefore, man was created unique, to teach you that whoever sustains one soul from Israel, it is as if he sustained an entire world... and to show the greatness of the Holy One, Blessed be He, that a person stamps several coins with one seal, and all of them are alike, but the King of Kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He, stamped every person with the seal of the first man, and not one of them is like his fellow. Therefore, each and every one is obligated to say: The world was created for me.) This Talmudic passage powerfully emphasizes the uniqueness and value of each individual, invalidating the underlying pride in comparing oneself to others.
  • בבלי עבודה זרה (Bavli Avodah Zarah) 17b: The story of Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya, who, after years of sin, was forgiven through true repentance and complete self-acceptance before HaShem. This shows that even with the greatest flaws, self-acceptance and returning to HaShem are possible.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride a "מידה רעה מאוד" (very bad trait) and rules that one must distance oneself from it greatly and strive for humility. Discontentment with one's creation is a type of pride and ingratitude.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 230:1: Emphasizes the importance of saying "מודה אני לפניך" (Modeh Ani) - "I give thanks before You" every morning upon waking. This prayer emphasizes gratitude for life and the return of the soul from HaShem, which contrasts with self-dissatisfaction.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal, in the chapters on "זהירות" (Hazehirut - Caution), "זריזות" (Zrizut - Alacrity/Enthusiasm), and "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility), discusses the importance of self-reflection and avoiding envy. He emphasizes that one should work with what they have and seek true (spiritual) perfection, not outward perfection.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "שער הבטחון" (Gate of Trust) and "שער הכניעה" (Gate of Humility), explains that one must fully trust in HaShem's providence and accept that everything given to them is for their good. He emphasizes that worrying about things beyond our control is a sign of lack of trust and pride.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar text specifically addresses the chapters on "הקנאה" (Envy) and "הגאווה" (Pride). Self-dissatisfaction stemming from comparison has its roots in these two traits.
  • חסידות (Chassidut): Many Hasidic texts emphasize the importance of "שמחה" (Simcha - Joy) and gratitude for everything in life, as everything comes from HaShem. These teachings directly counter self-dissatisfaction.

Common Examples of Manifesting חֹסֶר שְׂבִיעוּת רָצוֹן מֵהַבְּרִיאָה הָעַצְמִית אוֹ מֵהַמַּרְאֶה שֶׁלּוֹ:

• In Physical Appearance:
  • An individual constantly dissatisfied with their appearance (height, weight, skin color, facial structure, etc.) and comparing themselves to models or celebrities.
  • Someone who feels ashamed of their nose, hair, or any other physical feature and desperately seeks to change it through multiple surgeries.
  • A teenager who is ashamed of their body due to comparing themselves to peers, leading to eating disorders.
• In Abilities and Talents:
  • A student who is extremely dissatisfied and discouraged because their grade is lower than their friend's, even though their own grade was good.
  • An artist who disregards their own work and is highly dissatisfied with it because they compare it to the work of more famous artists.
  • An individual who hates themselves due to a lack of a particular skill, while having brilliant talents in other areas.
• In Destiny and Social Status:
  • A person who is constantly dissatisfied with their financial situation because they compare it to the wealthy and feel longing.
  • An individual who is dissatisfied with their marital status or lack thereof, not having children, or their social standing, because they compare it to others and feel regret.

Ways to Overcome חֹסֶר שְׂבִיעוּת רָצוֹן מֵהַבְּרִיאָה הָעַצְמִית אוֹ מֵהַמַּרְאֶה שֶׁלּוֹ:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate אֱמוּנָה (faith), בִּטָּחוֹן (trust), עֲנָוָה (humility), הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude), and שִׂמְחָה (joy).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and its Consequences:
   • Understanding the meaning of "in the image of HaShem": Deeply understand that every human being, regardless of their appearance and abilities, is created "in the image of HaShem" and has infinite value.
   • Understanding Divine Providence: Comprehend that HaShem, with His infinite wisdom, created you exactly as you are for a specific purpose.
   • Awareness of Ingratitude: Recognize that this discontentment is a form of ingratitude towards HaShem and His gifts.
   • Reflection on the Destruction of Joy: Understand that this trait prevents your true joy and satisfaction.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), בִּטָּחוֹן (Trust), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness: Reflect on HaShem's infinite greatness and the fact that He is the Creator of all and absolute perfection.
   • Acceptance of HaShem's Will: Wholeheartedly accept that HaShem has ordained the best for you, even if you don't currently understand it.
   • Avoid Comparing with Others: Remember that each person has their unique path and mission. Others' lives are not for you, and comparison is a thief of joy.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Instead of focusing on what you lack, be grateful for the blessings HaShem has given you (health, abilities, family, life). Make a list of your possessions.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Self-acceptance: Accept yourself as you are, with all your characteristics and imperfections.
     • Focus on Inner Qualities: Instead of focusing on outward appearance, focus on developing good ethical traits (מידות טובות) and spiritual acts.
     • Utilizing Abilities: Use the talents and gifts HaShem has given you to serve Him and others.
     • Reducing Exposure to Comparison Triggers: Avoid social media or limit your use of it if it causes comparison.
   • שמחה (Joy): Through conscious effort, strive to find joy in daily life and appreciate the present moment.
   • חֶסֶד (Kindness): Treat yourself and others with kindness.
   • הסתפקות במועט (Contentment): Be satisfied with what you have.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consultation with a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of Jewish teachings on self-acceptance and trust in HaShem.
   • Mussar Study: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, trust, and overcoming envy and dissatisfaction.
   • תְּפִלָּה (Tefillah - Prayer): Speak to HaShem about these feelings and ask for His help in accepting yourself and being grateful for His gifts.
   • Changing Environment and Habits: If comparison occurs through media or specific individuals, try to distance yourself from those factors.
   • Repentance (תשובה): Repent for any complaints or objections to HaShem's will in your creation, and resolve to live with gratitude and acceptance from now on.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "discontentment with one's own creation or appearance" and live a life based on humility, gratitude, true joy, and a deeper connection with HaShem, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Excessive Efforts to Change Appearance (Unnecessary Surgeries, etc.)

Very well, let's carefully examine the topic of "מַאֲמָץ מוּפְרָז לְשַׁנּוֹת אֶת הַמַּרְאֶה (נִיתוּחִים לֹא נְחוּצִים וְכוֹ') - Ma'amatz Mufraz LeShannot Et HaMar'eh (Nitu'chim Lo Nechutzim VeCho') - Excessive Efforts to Change Appearance (Unnecessary Surgeries, etc.)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) in various Jewish sources. This phenomenon, though common in the modern world, contradicts deep spiritual principles and values from a Jewish perspective, and its roots often lie in pride, self-non-acceptance, and comparison. We will then discuss ways to overcome it.

מַאֲמָץ מוּפְרָז לְשַׁנּוֹת אֶת הַמַּרְאֶה (Excessive Efforts to Change Appearance): Battling Divine Will and Authenticity of Self

Excessive efforts to change one's appearance, particularly through unnecessary surgeries or extensive cosmetic interventions, refers to behavior where an individual, due to deep dissatisfaction with their natural appearance (often stemming from comparison to unrealistic beauty standards or envy of others), repeatedly or intensely seeks to alter and change it. This trait has complex roots, but one of its most significant is גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride). This pride manifests not in overt arrogance, but in a kind of disregard for HaShem's wisdom in one's own creation (חוסר קבלת חכמת ה' בבריאתו שלו) and an insistence that "I must be as I envision myself." This is, in a way, a protest against HaShem for creating the person as they are.

In Judaism, the concept of צֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים (Tzelem Elokim - the image/likeness of HaShem), found in Genesis 1:27, emphasizes that every human being, regardless of physical appearance, possesses inherent worth and divine sanctity. This sanctity is reflected through the divine soul (נשמה) within a person. Excessive efforts to change one's appearance can indicate a disregard for this inherent sanctity and an overemphasis on external, material aspects.

This trait is often accompanied by הַשְׁוָאָה (Hashva'ah - comparison) with others, קִנְאָה (Kin'ah - envy), חוסר ביטחון עצמי (Choser Bitachon Atzmi - insecurity), fear of social judgment (פחד משיפוט חברתי), and a constant search for approval (חיפוש מתמיד אחר אישור). This approach not only fails to lead to true satisfaction but can trap the individual in an endless cycle of dissatisfaction and a need for more surgeries. This behavior can also lead to ביטול תורה (Bitul Torah - wasting time from Torah study/spiritual values) and הוצאת ממון לשווא (Hotza'at Mamon LaShav - wasteful spending of money), both of which are condemned in Halakha and Mussar.

Why is מַאֲמָץ מוּפְרָז לְשַׁנּוֹת אֶת הַמַּרְאֶה problematic?

1. Non-acceptance of Divine Creation: HaShem created every individual with infinite wisdom and for a specific purpose. Excessive efforts to change this creation are, in a way, questioning the perfection of His creation.
2. Potential Health Risks: Unnecessary surgeries always carry risks and side effects.
3. Waste of Resources (Time and Money): Resources that could have been used for Mitzvot, Torah study, charity, or helping family and community are spent on trivialities.
4. Reinforcing Pride and Insecurity: Instead of addressing internal issues at their root, this action merely covers them with a temporary, external solution, further trapping the individual in a cycle of pride and insecurity.
5. Focus on מָה בַּחוּץ (what is external) versus מָה בַּפְּנִים (what is internal): Judaism emphasizes the importance of spiritual and ethical growth (תיקון המידות), not fleeting external beauty.
6. חילול השם (Chillul Hashem - desecration of HaShem's name): When a Jewish person obsessively seeks to change their appearance, it can present a superficial and unspiritual image of religious observance.

Relevant Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • בראשית (Bereishit - Genesis) 1:27: "וַיִּבְרָא אֱלֹהִים אֶת הָאָדָם בְּצַלְמוֹ בְּצֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים בָּרָא אֹתוֹ זָכָר וּנְקֵבָה בָּרָא אֹתָם׃" ("VaYivra Elohim et ha'adam be'tzalmo be'tzelem Elohim bara oto zachar u'nekevah bara otam.") - "So HaShem created man in His own image, in the image of HaShem He created him; male and female He created them." This verse is the most fundamental reason for accepting one's appearance. Every human being, as they are, is a reflection of HaShem.
  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 32:4: "הַצּוּר תָּמִים פָּעֳלוֹ כִּי כָל דְּרָכָיו מִשְׁפָּט אֵל אֱמוּנָה וְאֵין עָוֶל צַדִּיק וְיָשָׁר הוּא׃" ("HaTzur tamim pa'olo ki kol d'rachav mishpat El Emunah ve'ein avel Tzaddik ve'Yashar Hu.") - "The Rock [HaShem], His work is perfect, for all His ways are justice; a G-d of faithfulness and without iniquity, righteous and upright is He." This verse emphasizes the perfection and flawlessness of HaShem's creation. If His creation is perfect, there is no reason for excessive efforts to change it.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im and Ketuvim):

  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 31:30 (describing the "woman of valor"): "שֶׁקֶר הַחֵן וְהֶבֶל הַיֹּפִי אִשָּׁה יִרְאַת יְהוָה הִיא תִתְהַלָּל׃" ("Sheker ha'chen ve'hevel ha'yofi isha yirat HaShem hi tithallal.") - "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears HaShem, she shall be praised." This verse unequivocally demonstrates the superiority of spiritual values and piety over fleeting external beauty.
  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 9:22-23: (as previously mentioned) - "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom... but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am HaShem..." - This verse emphasizes not boasting in worldly abilities (which includes appearance) and focusing on knowing HaShem.
  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 139:14: "אוֹדְךָ עַל כִּי נוֹרָאוֹת נִפְלֵיתִי נִפְלָאִים מַעֲשֶׂיךָ וְנַפְשִׁי יֹדַעַת מְאֹד׃" (as previously mentioned) - This verse expresses gratitude for one's unique creation.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:1: "איזהו עשיר? השמח בחלקו." (Who is rich? One who is happy with his portion.) This Mishnah indirectly emphasizes contentment and satisfaction with what HaShem has given a person, including their appearance.
  • פרקי אבות 2:16: "לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ולא אתה בן חורין להבטל ממנה." (It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it.) Our primary work is spiritual and moral growth. Excessive focus on appearance is a deviation from this duty.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סנהדרין (Bavli Sanhedrin) 38a: (as previously mentioned) - "No one is exactly like another. For this reason, each one must say: The world was created for me." This passage emphasizes the uniqueness and worth of each individual, as they are.
  • The Talmud refers to "לא תסור" (Lo Tasur - "Do not deviate from the path" - Deuteronomy 17:11) which includes not engaging in practices that contradict Jewish traditions and values. Cosmetic surgeries solely for vain purposes might fall under this category.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "שמירת הגוף" (Shmirat HaGuf - preserving the body). This means taking care of one's physical health. Unnecessary surgeries that pose health risks contradict this principle.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Dispositions) 2:3: Rambam considers pride a "very bad trait." Excessive efforts to change one's appearance stem from this root of pride and vanity.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), יורה דעה (Yoreh De'ah) 180:1: Discusses "חוקות הגויים" (customs of non-Jews). Some Rishonim (early commentators) and Acharonim (later commentators) have condemned excessive cosmetic surgeries due to their resemblance to non-Jewish customs or due to a disregard for divine providence. This issue is debated among Poskim (Halachic decisors), and reconstructive surgeries (for congenital defects or injuries) are usually permitted, but purely cosmetic surgery often is not.
  • The concept of "בל תשחית" (Bal Tashchit - do not destroy needlessly): Although this concept is often applied to trees and natural resources (Deuteronomy 20:19), some commentators have extended it to mean not destroying one's body or financial resources.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal, in the chapters on "ענווה" (Anavah - humility) and "פרישות" (P'rishut - asceticism/restraint), addresses the importance of refraining from pursuing worldly and superficial pleasures. He emphasizes that a person should focus on piety and inner growth rather than external appearance.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "Sha'ar HaBitachon" (Gate of Trust) and "Sha'ar HaKniah" (Gate of Humility), explains that a person must fully trust in HaShem's will and accept that everything given to them is for their good. He emphasizes that worrying about things not in our control is a sign of lack of trust and pride.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar text specifically addresses the chapter on "HaGa'avah" (Pride) and considers excessive emphasis on appearance as one of its signs.
  • חסידות (Chassidut): Chassidic teachings emphasize the importance of "שמחה" (Simcha - joy) and gratitude for everything in life, as everything comes from HaShem. These teachings help counter self-dissatisfaction and the pursuit of external perfection.

Common Examples of מַאֲמָץ מוּפְרָז לְשַׁנּוּת אֶת הַמַּרְאֶה:

• Multiple and Continuous Cosmetic Surgeries: Undergoing excessive and medically unnecessary nose jobs, facelifts, Botox and filler injections, hair transplants, etc., solely to achieve an unrealistic beauty "standard" or to attract attention.
• Extreme Body Modifications: Attempting to drastically change body shape through heavy surgeries (e.g., multiple implants) that endanger one's health.
• Constant Dissatisfaction: An individual who, despite undergoing several surgeries, remains dissatisfied with their appearance and is always seeking further "improvement."
• Obsessive Focus on Appearance: Spending unreasonable time and money on beauty care, makeup, and clothing, to the extent that it negatively impacts other aspects of the individual's life (relationships, work, spirituality).

Ways to Overcome מַאֲמָץ מוּפְרָז לְשַׁנּוּת אֶת הַמַּרְאֶה:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate אֱמוּנָה (faith), בִּטָּחוֹן (trust), עֲנָוָה (humility), הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude), and שִׂמְחָה (joy).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and its Consequences:
   • Understanding "in the image of HaShem": Deeply understand that every human being, as they are, is a reflection of HaShem and possesses infinite worth.
   • Understanding Divine Providence: Comprehend that HaShem, with His infinite wisdom, created you exactly as you are for a specific purpose. Trusting in this providence is the foundation of liberation.
   • Awareness of Ingratitude and Pride: Recognize that this dissatisfaction and excessive effort are a form of ingratitude towards HaShem and pride in the face of Divine will.
   • Reflecting on Harm to Self and Resources: Understand that this trait harms your physical and mental health, as well as your financial and temporal resources.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), בִּטָּחוֹן (Trust), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness: Reflect on the infinite greatness of HaShem and the truth that He is the Creator of all and absolute perfection.
   • Accepting HaShem's Will: Accept with all your being that HaShem has destined the best for you.
   • Avoiding Comparison with Others: Remember that each person has their unique path and mission. The lives of others are not for you.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Instead of focusing on what you lack, be grateful for the blessings HaShem has given you (health, abilities, family, life). Make a list of your blessings.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Self-acceptance (קבלה עצמית): Accept yourself as you are, with all your qualities and imperfections. Focus on accepting and loving yourself.
     • Focus on Inner Qualities: Instead of focusing on external appearance, focus on cultivating good character traits (מידות טובות), studying Torah, performing Mitzvot, and serving others.
     • Reducing Exposure to Comparison Triggers: Avoid or limit your use of social media, magazines, or TV shows that promote comparison and unrealistic beauty standards.
     • Realistic Goal Setting: Instead of pursuing external perfectionism, focus on real and achievable goals in your life.
   • שמחה (Joy): Through conscious effort, strive to find joy in daily life and appreciate the present moment.
   • חֶסֶד (Kindness): Treat yourself and others with kindness.
   • הסתפקות במועט (Contentment): Be satisfied with what you have.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of Jewish teachings on self-acceptance, trust in HaShem, and the importance of inner growth.
   • Mussar Study: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, trust, and overcoming envy and dissatisfaction.
   • תְּפִלָּה (Tefillah - Prayer): Speak to HaShem about these feelings and ask for His help to accept yourself and be grateful for His gifts.
   • Psychological Counseling: If deep dissatisfaction with yourself or your appearance has reached a point where it affects your daily life, seeking help from a psychologist or therapist who has an approach aligned with your values can be very beneficial.
   • Repentance (תשובה): Repent for any complaints or protests against HaShem's will in your creation, and resolve to live henceforth with gratitude and acceptance.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong will, and by relying on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "excessive efforts to change appearance" and live a life based on humility, gratitude, true joy, and a deeper connection with HaShem, which will benefit both the individual and society, both materially and spiritually.

Self-Pity (as a form of excessive self-focus)

רַחֲמִים עַצְמִיִּים (Rachamim Atzmiyim - Self-Pity) כְּסוּג שֶׁל הִתְמַקְּדוּת יְתֵרָה בָּעַצְמִי (כסוג של גאווה) - Self-Pity (as a form of excessive self-focus and a type of pride/arrogance)

Self-pity refers to a state where an individual excessively focuses on their own problems, failures, or suffering, viewing themselves as a victim of circumstances or others. While this phenomenon might initially seem contradictory to pride (as pride is usually associated with self-aggrandizement), it is, in fact, one of the hidden and insidious forms of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride/arrogance) and הִתְמַקְּדוּת יְתֵרָה בָּעַצְמִי (Hitmakdut Yeterah Ba'Atzmi - excessive self-focus). In this state, the individual not only fails to move beyond ordinary self-centeredness but considers themselves the center of the world, expecting others to focus on them and show them attention.

Why is self-pity a form of pride?

• Excessive Self-Centeredness: Self-pity places the individual at the center of their own world. Instead of thinking about HaShem, others, or their duties, they are solely focused on their own pain and suffering. This self-centeredness is the essence of pride.
• Denial of Responsibility: An individual who pities themselves often sees themselves as innocent and a victim, refusing to accept responsibility for their role in their problems or their ability to change the situation. This denial of responsibility has roots in pride, as they are unwilling to admit they might have erred or have the power to change.
• Seeking Attention and Pity: Self-pity is often accompanied by a desire to gain attention and sympathy from others. This need for validation and attention is a sign of pride.
• Lack of Gratitude: An individual immersed in self-pity cannot see and be grateful for HaShem's blessings and favors.
• Despair (ייאוש - Ye'ush): Self-pity often leads to despair, which from a Jewish perspective, is a flaw in faith and trust in HaShem. Despair is, in fact, a hidden form of pride because the individual assumes that "no one can save me" or "my situation is so bad that even HaShem cannot help" – these are in contradiction to HaShem's infinite power and mercy.

This trait can lead to עצלות (Atzlot - laziness), חוסר מעש (Choser Ma'as - inaction), דיכאון (Dika'on - depression), ריחוק חברתי (Richok Choverati - social isolation), and most importantly, היחלשות באמונה ובטחון (Hichalshut Ba'Emunah U'Vitachon - weakening of faith and trust). Self-pity destroys a person's ability to face challenges and traps them in a cycle of negativity.

Why is רַחֲמִים עַצְמִיִּים problematic?

1. Hindrance to Growth and Progress: By focusing on the past and suffering, an individual cannot move forward and improve themselves.
2. Risk of Despair from HaShem: This trait does not allow the individual to see HaShem's mercy and help.
3. Weakness in Trust: Lack of trust in HaShem, who is pure good and orchestrates everything for our benefit.
4. Damaging Relationships: Others become tired of someone who constantly pities themselves, which can lead to isolation.
5. Wasting Blessings: Instead of utilizing their abilities and opportunities for growth and service, the individual ignores them.
6. Forgetting HaShem's Mission: Humans are created for a higher purpose than merely suffering.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 6:5: "וְאָהַבְתָּ אֵת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁךָ וּבְכָל מְאֹדֶךָ׃" ("Ve'ahavta et HaShem Elokecha be'chol levavcha u'vechol nafshecha u'vechol me'odecha.") - "You shall love HaShem your G-d with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might." Self-pity hinders full focus on and love for HaShem, as the heart and mind are fixated on one's own suffering.
  • בראשית (Bereishit - Genesis) 12:1-3 (לֶךְ לְךָ - Lech Lecha): HaShem's command to Abraham to leave his land and family. This command signifies the necessity of action, movement, and leaving one's comfort zone (even in the face of challenges), in contrast to self-pity and stagnation.
  • The Story of Moses at the Red Sea (שמות - Shemot 14:15): "וַיֹּאמֶר יְהוָה אֶל מֹשֶׁה מַה תִּצְעַק אֵלָי דַּבֵּר אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְיִסָּעוּ׃" ("VaYomer HaShem el Moshe mah titza'ak elai dabber el Bnei Yisrael ve'yisa'u.") - "And HaShem said to Moses, "Why do you cry out to Me? Speak to the Children of Israel, and let them move forward."" This verse shows that even in difficult circumstances, HaShem demands action from us, not just lamentation and self-pity.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im and Ketuvim):

  • תהלים (Tehilim - Psalms) 139:14: "אוֹדְךָ עַל כִּי נוֹרָאוֹת נִפְלֵיתִי נִפְלָאִים מַעֲשֶׂיךָ וְנַפְשִׁי יֹדַעַת מְאֹד׃" (As mentioned before) - This verse emphasizes gratitude for one's creation and HaShem's greatness, in contrast to focusing on shortcomings and self-pity.
  • איוב (Iyov - Job): Job, despite countless sufferings, ultimately trusted in HaShem and concluded that HaShem does everything with wisdom. He transcended self-pity.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 24:16: "כִּי שֶׁבַע יִפּוֹל צַדִּיק וָקָם וּרְשָׁעִים יִכָּשְׁלוּ בְרָעָה׃" ("Ki sheva yippol tzaddik va'kam u'resha'im yikkashlu be'ra'ah.") - "For a righteous person falls seven times and rises, but the wicked stumble in evil [forever]." This verse emphasizes perseverance and rising after difficulties, in contrast to self-pity.
  • קוהלת (Kohelet - Ecclesiastes) 7:14: "בְּיוֹם טוֹב הֱיֵה בְטוֹב וּבְיוֹם רָע רְאֵה גַּם אֶת זֶה לְעֻמַּת זֶה עָשָׂה הָאֱלֹהִים עַל דִּבְרַת שֶׁלֹּא יִמְצָא הָאָדָם אַחֲרָיו מְאוּמָה׃" ("Be'Yom Tov heye betov u've'Yom Ra re'eh gam et zeh le'umat zeh asah ha'Elohim al divrat she'lo yimtza ha'adam acharav me'umah.") - "In a good day be in good spirits, and in a bad day consider: G-d has made the one as well as the other, to the end that man should not find out anything that shall be after him." This verse emphasizes the need to accept both aspects of life and trust in HaShem, rather than being immersed in self-pity during hardship.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:1: "איזהו עשיר? השמח בחלקו." (Who is wealthy? One who is happy with their portion.) Self-pity is precisely the opposite of being happy with one's portion.
  • פרקי אבות 2:16: "לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ולא אתה בן חורין להבטל ממנה." (As mentioned before) - Even in difficulties, our duty to strive and act does not disappear. Self-pity prevents us from fulfilling our duties.
  • פרקי אבות 2:15: "הוא היה אומר: לא הבישן למד ולא הקפדן מלמד." (He used to say: The shy person cannot learn, nor can the irritable person teach.) This shows that negative emotions and self-focus can hinder learning and growth.

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי ברכות (Bavli Brachot) 60b (regarding the perspective on suffering): The Talmud teaches that one should recite "brachot" (blessings) over both good and bad occurrences, meaning that everything comes from HaShem and has wisdom. This is in contrast to self-pity.
  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 48b: "מיום שחרב בית המקדש, נעשה כל העולם כולו כשולחן שהיפכו אותו." (From the day the Temple was destroyed, the whole world became like a table that has been overturned.) Despite this melancholic statement, the Talmud still emphasizes the necessity of continuing Torah and Mitzvot, and does not permit succumbing to self-pity.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "שמחה" (Simcha - joy) in performing Mitzvot and in life. Self-pity is in opposition to this joy.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "בטחון" (Bitachon - trust) in HaShem in all circumstances, even in difficulties. Self-pity is a sign of incomplete trust.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride a "very bad trait." Self-pity, being an excessive focus on oneself, falls into this category.
  • רמב"ם, הלכות אבל (Hilchot Avel - Laws of Mourning) 13:9: Rambam emphasizes that even in mourning, one should not grieve excessively and must return to life. This indicates that even in conditions of genuine sorrow, excessive self-pity is condemned.
  • Laws related to Repentance (תשובה): Repentance requires action and change, not merely feelings of suffering and pity.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): Ramchal, in the chapters on "נקיות" (Nekiyot - Purity) and "פרישות" (P'rishut - Separation/Asceticism), discusses the importance of overcoming selfish desires and focusing on HaShem and the world. Self-pity is a form of selfishness and a deviation from this goal.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in "Sha'ar HaBitachon" (Gate of Trust) and "Sha'ar HaTeshuvah" (Gate of Repentance), emphasizes the importance of complete trust in HaShem and acceptance of His will in all circumstances. Self-pity is a sign of lack of trust in HaShem's power and mercy.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar text specifically addresses the chapters on "הגאווה" (Pride) and "העצלות" (Laziness), explaining how self-focus can lead to sluggishness and lack of progress.
  • חסידות (Chassidut): Many Chassidic texts emphasize the importance of "שמחה" (Simcha - joy) and "ביטול היש" (self-nullification/self-abasement before HaShem). Joy is an antidote to self-pity, and "Bitul HaYesh" prevents self-centeredness.

Common Examples of רַחֲמִים עַצְמִיִּים Manifestation:

• After a failure or setback: An individual who, after a professional, academic, or personal setback, constantly pities themselves and sees themselves as "unlucky" or a "victim," instead of analyzing and striving for improvement.
• Illness or pain: A person who, despite a manageable illness, constantly talks about their suffering and expects continuous attention and sympathy from others, instead of focusing on treatment or coping with the illness.
• Financial problems: An individual who, due to financial difficulties, considers themselves "miserable" and "unfortunate" and refrains from working to improve their financial situation, constantly seeking pity from others.
• Loneliness or relationship failures: A person who, due to being alone or unsuccessful in relationships, believes they "don't deserve love" or "no one understands me" and suffers in this state, instead of trying to improve relationships or accept the situation.
• Dwelling on the past: An individual who constantly dwells on past mistakes or lost opportunities, and through regret and self-pity, is prevented from living in the present.

Ways to Overcome רַחֲמִים עַצְמִיִּים:

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate אֱמוּנָה (faith), בִּטָּחוֹן (trust), הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude), אחריות אישית (personal responsibility), and שִׂמְחָה (joy).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and its Consequences:
   • Grasping Hidden Pride: Deeply understand that self-pity is a hidden yet dangerous form of pride and self-centeredness.
   • Reflecting on Harm to the Soul: Realize that this behavior hinders your spiritual growth and leads to despair and lethargy.
   • Awareness of Lack of Trust: Recognize that this trait is a sign of weakness in trusting HaShem and accepting His will.
   • Accepting Personal Responsibility: Understand that you are responsible for your feelings and reactions, and you have the ability to change your situation.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), בִּטָּחוֹן (Trust), and עֲנָוָה (True Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness and Mercy: Reflect on HaShem's infinite power and boundless mercy. He never leaves anyone alone.
   • Recalling that Everything is for Good: Remember that HaShem orchestrates everything for your good, even if it seems difficult and painful in the moment.
   • Practicing Trust (בִּטָּחוֹן): Consciously choose to trust in HaShem that He will open a path for you.
   • Seeing Oneself as a Servant of HaShem: You are a servant of HaShem and it is your duty to strive and trust in Him, not to be consumed by your suffering.
3. Cultivating Positive Ethical Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב):
     • Gratitude List: Each day, make a list of your blessings and possessions (even the smallest ones) and be grateful to HaShem for them.
     • Focus on Strengths: Instead of focusing on weaknesses, focus on your strengths and abilities.
   • Responsibility (אחריות אישית):
     • Accepting Your Role: Accept your role in your problems and seek solutions, rather than blaming others or fate.
     • Action (עשייה): Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, take action and take steps to improve your situation, even if small.
   • Joy (שִׂמְחָה):
     • Cultivating Inner Joy: Even in difficult circumstances, seek to find moments of joy. Joy is a great force for overcoming difficulties.
     • Connecting with Others: Avoid isolation and connect with those who are positive and supportive.
   • חֶסֶד (Kindness) and Service to Others: Focusing on helping others diverts you from self-centeredness and gives you a sense of purpose.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of Jewish teachings regarding trust, joy, and overcoming despair.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating trust, joy, and combating pride and lethargy.
   • תְּפִלָּה (Tefillah - Prayer): Speak to HaShem about your sufferings, but also ask Him to grant you the strength and ability to overcome self-pity and progress.
   • Psychological Counseling: If self-pity has led to severe depression or despair, seeking help from a psychologist or therapist who has an approach consistent with your values is very important.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong willpower, and reliance on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "self-pity" and live a life based on faith, trust, gratitude, true joy, and a genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.

Comparing Oneself to a Lower Level for a Feeling of Superiority

Let's carefully examine the concept of "הַשְׁוָאַת עַצְמוֹ לִרָמָה נְמוּכָה יוֹתֵר לְשֵׁם הַרְגָּשַׁת עֶלְיוֹנוּת (Hashva'at Atzmo LeRamah Nemuchah Yoter Leshem Hargashat Elyonut - Comparing oneself to a lower level for a feeling of superiority)" within the framework of גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - Pride/Arrogance) in various Jewish sources. This trait, though it may seem harmless, is one of the insidious and destructive forms of pride that poses a serious obstacle to true growth and humility. Afterwards, we will discuss ways to overcome it.

הַשְׁוָאַת עַצְמוֹ לִרָמָה נְמוּכָה יוֹתֵר לְשֵׁם הַרְגָּשַׁת עֶלְיוֹנוּת (Comparing oneself to a lower level for a feeling of superiority): A Mirage of Virtue

Comparing oneself to a lower level for a feeling of superiority refers to a state where an individual, instead of striving to improve themselves and emulate superior individuals, or comparing themselves to absolute standards (such as the teachings of HaShem), deliberately compares themselves to those they perceive as being in a lower position (morally, spiritually, financially, socially, or intellectually) in order to gain a false sense of pride, self-importance, and satisfaction. This behavior has its direct roots in גַּאֲוָה (Ga'avah - pride) and יוֹהֲרָה (Yoharah - boastfulness). The arrogant person attempts to cover their flaws and create a false image of perfection for themselves through this means.

In Judaism, the principle of עֲלִיָּה (Aliyah - ascent) and צְמִיחָה רוּחָנִית (Tzemichah Ruchanit - spiritual growth) is fundamental. Judaism constantly calls upon individuals to move towards perfection and walk in the path of HaShem. Comparing oneself to a lower level directly contradicts this principle, as it leads to stagnation and even regression. Instead of striving upwards by emulating צדיקים (Tzaddikim - righteous individuals) and חכמים (Chachamim - wise individuals), one compares themselves to those on a lower level and becomes content with this false "superiority."

This trait can lead to חוסר הכרת הטוב (Choser Hakarat HaTov - ingratitude) towards HaShem's blessings (because the individual uses them for self-aggrandizement instead of gratitude), שִׂנְאַת חִנָּם (Sinat Chinam - baseless hatred) towards others (when one judges them and thus sees oneself as superior), and רקוד (Rekod - stagnation) in spiritual and ethical growth. Furthermore, this behavior is a form of חִלּוּל הַשֵּׁם (Chilul HaShem - desecration of God's name), as an individual who considers themselves religious presents a bad image of religiosity through such arrogant behavior.

Why is הַשְׁוָאַת עַצְמוֹ לִרָמָה נְמוּכָה יוֹתֵר problematic?

1. Hindrance to Growth and Perfection: Instead of seeking self-improvement, the individual remains stuck in a false state of superiority.
2. Risk of Spiritual and Moral Decline: When the standard of comparison lowers, the motivation to strive and avoid sin decreases.
3. Contradiction of אֱמֶת (Truth): This comparison is often based on a distorted and unrealistic view of oneself and others.
4. Destruction of Human Relationships: The hidden judgment and belittling of others lead to alienation and resentment.
5. Creation of False Pride: This feeling of superiority is artificial and unstable, preventing the individual from understanding their true reality.
6. Incompatibility with Humility (ענווה): This behavior is in direct contradiction to one of the most desirable traits in Judaism.

Related Sources:

• תורה (Torah):

  • דברים (Devarim - Deuteronomy) 8:17-18: "וְאָמַרְתָּ בִּלְבָבֶךָ כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי עָשָׂה לִי אֶת הַחַיִל הַזֶּה׃ וְזָכַרְתָּ אֶת יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי הוּא הַנֹּתֵן לְךָ כֹּחַ לַעֲשׂוֹת חָיִל לְמַעַן הָקִים אֶת בְּרִיתוֹ אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע לַאֲבֹתֶיךָ כַּיּוֹם הַזֶּה׃" (As previously mentioned) - This verse emphasizes the necessity of attributing all successes to HaShem, not to oneself. Comparing oneself to a lower level for a feeling of superiority is to disregard this truth.
  • The Story of קורח (Korach) in במדבר (Bamidbar - Numbers) 16: Korach compared himself to Moses and Aaron (though not to a lower level, but by claiming equality in a higher position), and his pride led to his downfall. The lesson of this story is that any deviation from one's true place and claim of superiority (whether by comparing oneself to those lower or by seeing oneself as equal to those higher) is dangerous.
  • ויקרא (Vayikra - Leviticus) 19:18: "וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ" ("Love your fellow as yourself"). This commandment contradicts the feeling of superiority over others.

• תנ"ך (Tanakh - Nevi'im u'Ketuvim):

  • ירמיהו (Yirmeyahu - Jeremiah) 9:22-23: (As previously mentioned) - This verse explicitly forbids boasting about worldly abilities and identifies true boasting as knowing HaShem.
  • משלי (Mishlei - Proverbs) 27:2: "יְהַלֶּלְךָ זָר וְלֹא פִיךָ נָכְרִי וְאַל שְׂפָתֶיךָ׃" (As previously mentioned) - One should allow others to praise them, not praise themselves. Comparing oneself to others for a feeling of superiority is a form of hidden self-praise.
  • משלי 16:18: "לִפְנֵי שֶׁבֶר גָּאוֹן וְלִפְנֵי כִשָּׁלוֹן גֹּבַהּ רוּחַ׃" (As previously mentioned) - Pride and arrogance often precede a downfall.
  • דברי הימים ב' (Divrei HaYamim Bet - 2 Chronicles) 26:16 (The Story of King עוזיהו - Uzziah): "וְכַחֲזָתוֹ חָזַק וְגָבַהּ לִבּוֹ עַד לְהַשְׁחִית וַיִּמְעַל בַּיהוָה אֱלֹהָיו וַיָּבֹא אֶל הֵיכַל יְהוָה לְהַקְטִיר עַל מִזְבַּח הַקְּטֹרֶת׃" ("Ve'chachazato chazak ve'gavah libbo ad lehashchit va'yima'al ba'HaShem Elokav va'yavo el heichal HaShem lehakttir al mizbach ha'ketoret.") - "But when he became strong, his heart became arrogant, to the point of corruption, and he betrayed HaShem, his God, and entered the temple of HaShem to burn incense on the incense altar." Pride, even after success, can lead to transgression and downfall.

• מִשְׁנָה (Mishnah):

  • פרקי אבות (Pirkei Avot) 4:1: "איזהו חכם? הלומד מכל אדם." (Who is wise? One who learns from every person.) An individual who compares themselves to a lower level thinks they have no need to learn.
  • פרקי אבות 2:4: "אל תהי חכם בעיניך." (Do not be wise in your own eyes.)
  • פרקי אבות 4:3: "אל תהי בז לכל אדם, ואל תהי מזלזל לכל דבר, שאין לך אדם שאין לו שעה, ואין לך דבר שאין לו מקום." (Do not despise any person, and do not disdain anything, for there is no person who does not have their hour [of success], and no thing that does not have its place.) This Mishnah directly condemns belittling others (which is a result of comparing oneself to a lower level).

• תַּלְמוּד (Talmud):

  • בבלי סוטה (Bavli Sotah) 5a: "כל אדם שיש בו גסות רוח, כאילו עובד עבודה זרה" (Anyone who possesses haughtiness is as if they are worshipping idolatry). The feeling of superiority stemming from comparison is rooted in "גסות רוח."
  • בבלי נדה (Bavli Niddah) 30b (regarding human creation): "עוברין דומים לדג... אין שני עוברין דומים זה לזה." (Embryos are like fish... no two embryos are alike.) This passage emphasizes the uniqueness of each individual and challenges the belief that one person is "higher" than another.
  • The Talmud emphasizes the importance of "בּיטול היש" (nullification of self / self-worthlessness before HaShem), which is in contrast to any feeling of superiority.

• הלכה (Halakha):

  • רמב"ם (Rambam - Maimonides), משנה תורה (Mishneh Torah), הלכות דעות (Hilchot De'ot - Laws of Ethical Traits) 2:3: Rambam considers pride a "מידה רעה מאוד" (very bad trait) and rules that one must distance oneself from it greatly. Comparing oneself to a lower level for a feeling of superiority stems from this root of pride.
  • שולחן ערוך (Shulchan Aruch), אורח חיים (Orach Chaim) 231:1: Emphasizes the importance of "ואהבת לרעך כמוך." Belittling others (which arises from comparing oneself to a lower level) contradicts this principle.

• מוסר (Mussar):

  • מסילת ישרים (Mesillat Yesharim): רמח"ל (Ramchal) in the chapters on "ענווה" (Anavah - Humility) and "זהירות" (Hazehirut - Caution) elaborates on hidden forms of pride. He explains how a person can become arrogant through seemingly good deeds (like Torah study or performing Mitzvot) and consider themselves superior to others. He emphasizes that pride must be eradicated by seeing one's own flaws and the virtues of others.
  • חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot): Rabbi בחיי אבן פקודה (Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda) in "שער הכניעה" (Gate of Humility) explains that a person must consider themselves imperfect and dependent before HaShem and others. Comparing oneself to a lower level for a feeling of superiority prevents this humility.
  • "אורחות צדיקים" (Orchot Tzaddikim - Paths of the Righteous): This classic Mussar work specifically addresses the chapter on "הגאווה" (Pride) and considers the feeling of superiority over others as one of its most dangerous manifestations.
  • חסידות (Chassidut): Many Chassidic texts emphasize the importance of seeing the "ניצוץ אלוקי" (Divine spark) in every human being. This perspective eliminates any room for contempt or feelings of superiority, as everyone possesses a unique and divine element.

Common Examples of "הַשְׁוָאַת עַצְמוֹ לִרָמָה נְמוּכָה יוֹתֵר":

• In Religious Matters:
  • An individual who regularly attends synagogue or performs Mitzvot but looks down upon those who are less religious, with the thought, "I am better than them."
  • A scholar who compares their Torah knowledge to the common people's knowledge to feel superior and eminent.
• In Financial and Social Matters:
  • Someone in a better financial position who constantly refers to the "lower" financial status of others to present themselves as richer and more successful.
  • A highly educated individual who scoffs at the lower education of others to appear more intelligent.
• In Appearance and Abilities:
  • An athlete who looks at less athletic or heavier individuals to feel proud of their physique.
  • A person who boasts about their artistic abilities compared to those who have no artistic talent.
• In Daily Life:
  • An individual who always talks about the mistakes and flaws of others to present themselves as flawless.
  • Someone who, upon seeing the less desirable living conditions of others (cultural, familial, hygienic), looks at their own life with satisfaction and a sense of superiority.

Ways to Overcome "הַשְׁוָאַת עַצְמוֹ לִרָמָה נְמוּכָה יוֹתֵר":

Overcoming this trait requires a conscious effort to cultivate עֲנָוָה (humility), אֱמֶת (truthfulness), and הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (gratitude to HaShem).

1. Understanding the Depth of the Sin and Its Consequences:
   • Halakhic and Spiritual Understanding: Deeply understand that this type of comparison is a sin and a direct manifestation of pride, which HaShem despises.
   • Reflecting on Self-Harm: Understand that this behavior prevents your true growth and leads to a false and fragile pride.
   • Awareness of Impact on Relationships: Recognize that this trait poisons your relationships and alienates others from you.
2. Strengthening יראת שמים (Awe of HaShem), אֱמוּנָה (Faith), and עֲנָוָה (Humility):
   • Focus on HaShem's Greatness: Contemplate the infinite greatness of HaShem and the truth that all you possess comes from Him. There is nothing to boast about personally.
   • Understanding the Concept of "צֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים": Remember that every human being, regardless of their status, possesses a "Divine spark."
   • Comparison with משה רבנו (Moses Our Teacher) and חכמים (Sages): Instead of comparing yourself to a lower level, compare yourself to true Torah role models and great scholars to find motivation for growth.
   • Gratitude (הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב): Be grateful for all the blessings HaShem has given you, and instead of using them for a feeling of superiority, use them to serve HaShem and others.
3. Cultivating Positive Character Traits (תיקון המידות):
   • Humility (עֲנָוָה):
     • Self-Examination (חשבון נפש): Regularly examine your actions and thoughts and identify any tendency towards arrogant comparison.
     • Focus on Your Own Flaws: Instead of seeing others' flaws, focus on your own shortcomings and weaknesses and strive to correct them.
     • Seeing Virtues in Others: Actively seek out the good qualities and virtues in others and be inspired by them.
     • Serving Others: By helping those who are at a "lower level" than you (financially, spiritually, intellectually), cultivate a sense of empathy and humility.
     • Praying for Others: Pray for the success and growth of those you may have previously judged.
   • Non-Judgment (عدم שיפוט): Refrain from judging others, as you are unaware of the full story of their lives and their intentions.
   • Empathy (אמפתיה): Try to understand the pain and suffering of others and empathize with them.
4. Seeking Support and Guidance:
   • Consulting with a רב (Rabbi) or מורה דרך (Spiritual Mentor): They can help you gain a deeper understanding of Jewish teachings on humility, reliance on HaShem, and the importance of inner growth.
   • Studying Mussar: Mussar texts specifically focus on cultivating humility, combating pride, and seeing the good in others.
   • תְּשׁוּבָה (Teshuvah - Repentance): Repent for any judgment or feeling of superiority towards others and resolve to look at them with an attitude of humility and love from now on.

Through continuous practice of these strategies, with strong willpower, and reliance on HaShem, one can overcome the destructive trait of "comparing oneself to a lower level for a feeling of superiority" and live a life based on humility, empathy, continuous growth, and a genuine connection with HaShem and others, which will benefit both the individual and society, materially and spiritually.